Tag Archives: wise words

Sep13

Thoughtful Thursday #227 – Non Attachment

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I am a bit of a hoarder – there I said it. I hoard stuff and not just a little bit, but a lot of stuff.

I’m trying to find a way around getting unattached to my stuff. But it’s hard. I have books and  clothes and fabric and tools and dishes and antiques and artwork and many memories and furniture and on and on.

One part of me is entwined with a strange comfort of having so much stuff.

And the other part is teary eyed at the thought of losing the comfort I feel surrounded by my stuff.

I did manage to sell one thing online and it was an interesting emotional experience.

I got a little handmade African canister for free and I didn’t “emotionally” want to let it go.  I listed it online to sell it and when the winning bid came in I knew it had to go.

As I wrapped it up to mail it out I was sad. I don’t know exactly why but that little canister made me happy on some level.

One part of me feels efficient, mature, responsible even proud of making a few bucks online.

The other part of me feels sad at the loss of a beautiful object.

Alas, the efficient part of me won out.

Non attachment takes great effort and in my case not all at once.

My non attachment practice is to slowly drop items I don’t really need one at a time.

As I wallow between hollow sadness of letting go of my stuff and losing track of stuff that has been temporarily mine I slowly move more of my stuff on for someone else to enjoy.

Sep6

Thoughtful Thursday #226 – Emotional Numbing

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Emotional numbing comes in two forms:

  1. detaching emotionally as a coping method to avoid triggering overwhelming feelings.
  2. detaching emotionally as a form of keeping boundaries and protecting from any psychic trauma.

What does it feel like to be emotionally numb? You feel like a ghost watching and observing others go along in their lives and you feel so invisible that you can’t interact with anyone. This state of mind is very painful. You feel unfocused and ungrounded. Can’t communicate or think straight.

There can be many causes for emotional numbing only you can say how it occurred in your life.

So how do you manage in the meantime.

  1. identify triggers, what caused your initial shutdown.
  2. write it out uncensored on your computer or by hand.
  3. talk to a therapist or trusted friend.
  4. stay busy.
  5. exercise.
  6. eat and sleep well.
  7. remember, the feeling is temporary.

It may take some time to come out of emotional numbness but that is the OK. Mental health is very important and it takes time to understand what is going on in our minds. Is it a linear process, not at all. Healing has its own time table, have patience with yourself and in the meantime take really good care of yourself. You are worth it.

Aug30

Thoughtful Thursday – #225 Forgiveness And Healing

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Whether you have chosen through your intellect to forgive or had a spiritual experience and spontaneously forgiven there is one element still at play.

Healing……………….Just because you forgive does not mean you have healed from the injustice inflicted on you. Healing takes time.

Don’t forgive to speed up healing. It doesn’t work that way. Healing is on a different level, more on a physical level along with intellectual level. We hold the things that need forgiving in our body and mind. Healing is an ongoing process and perhaps so is forgiveness.

There is no right or wrong way to forgive or heal. It’s your journey to find what fits for you.

 

Aug16

Thoughtful Thursday #223 – Hanging In There

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I have a recurring theme in my life, when things don’t go the way I want them to go because of distractions or obstacles I try to remember to hang in there. For a long time I did not do that I just gave up.

I can’t give up anymore.  If I am distracted I refocus my attention. If there is an obstacle I handle it and begin again. Each time I begin again is a step forward and that is all that matters.

One step at a time.

Aug9

Thoughtful Thursday #222 – Your Weird And That’s OK

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We become ashamed of ourselves based on others opinions and unrealistic views of who we should be.

Maybe we were told we were the family idiot or not good at anything and don’t deserve to exist.

When we were young we believed these things from our caregivers because we thought of them as gods. Not good gods either, more like frightening monsters.

As adults we have issues with trust, intimacy, boundaries etc. We are scared because we believe we are flawed with secrets of self-hatred, addictions, depraved things we have done and so on.

What is the answer, there is no easy answer but there is an answer. I am going to shout this out:

EVERYONE IS FLAWED, YOU ARE NOT ALONE, WE HAVE ALL BEEN STUPID, PERVERSE, WE ARE ALL ODD, INSECURE, PRETENDING TO KNOW IT ALL, WICKED, BAD TEMPERED, TRYING  VERY HARD TO CHANGE FOR THE BETTER GROUP OF HUMAN BEINGS.

Let’s stop judging ourselves and others based on unrealistic views coming from media, dysfunctional families and violence,  it’s far better to accept ourselves and others based on our humanness. Let’s celebrate our differences and laugh at the strangeness of our human existence. We are all in the same boat of trying to live a decent life. Let’s pat ourselves on the back and be supportive of others who are trying too.

Jul12

Thoughtful Thursday #210 – Building Self Esteem

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In the process of self discovery we might find some cringe worthy stuff we have done. How could have I done such a stupid thing we say? I wasted my life. What have I done?

It’s OK, we have all been there. Self discovery is the path to self-esteem. What we have done in the past is over and I am sure we learned from those mistakes and moved on.

Along the voyage of self discovery we need to see how we came to do those actions. Once we know what has influenced us we can make changes in a more positive direction. We can look at what works and what does not work.

It is never too late to unlearn those silly things we thought were OK. Choose to live in your own authenticity and this will build your self-esteem. You will be so proud of yourself.

Go ahead puff that chest out and hold your head up high, you are wonderful.

 

 

 

Jul5

Thoughtful Thursdays #219 – Talking To Yourself

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What is your inner dialogue like? Do you say harsh things to yourself like : boy are you stupid, you can’t do anything right, you are so slow, what’s wrong with you, you will never fit in, you are fat, you’ll never be attractive.

These words you say to yourself are just as damaging as if someone actually said them to you. We can speculate where we learned to talk to ourselves like this but truthfully you are in control now.

The habit of talking to yourself negatively does not go away quickly. If you can say one positive statement to yourself in a day you will be on your way to being kind and compassionate to yourself.

It’s very hard to be a positive contributing human if we are secretly harboring self hate. Work up to more and more positive self talk and you will see a difference in your external world too.

Just in case you didn’t hear it today, you are doing a great job in all your efforts.

Jun28

Thoughtful Thursday #218 Processing Feelings

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This is a hard one. Childhood Emotional Neglect blog has a realistic answer. 10 Rules Emotions Follow:

# 9 Sitting with a powerful emotion and letting yourself feel it while thinking about it to understand why you’re having it, what it means, and what it’s telling you, is called “processing it.”

#10 Your feelings are valuable messages from your deepest self. When you follow Rule 9, you are listening to the messages, honoring yourself, and making use of this valuable resource from within.

We all have feelings and some are unexplainable and that is OK because your feelings come from your subconscious. When strong feelings come up, follow rule #9 and #10.

It won’t be easy to sit with uncomfortable feelings but you will come out on the other side feeling quite different knowing there was a shift in your mind and that is all you need to facilitate healing.

Jun21

Thoughtful Thursday #217 – Bullying

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No one wants to be bullied and as we know the objective is to oppress, torment, intimidate and browbeat someone into submission.

Bullying is easily recognized if we are observing it in real-time. But do we recognize bullying when we do it to ourselves? Probably not, here are some signals you are bullying yourself.

  1. your inner critic has a field day beating you up by noticing everything that you do wrong.
  2. your inner critic says unkind, mean things to you.
  3. some believe that the inner critic is a motivator to do better, this is completely false.
  4. anxiety, image issues, social anxiety can be the inner critic hounding you with negativity.
  5. watching TV shows that are violent and traumatize you with fear. (I binge watch crime shows.)

You can’t completely get rid of the inner critic however you can arrest its relentlessness and power with a these few tips.

  1. pay attention to your thoughts.
  2. don’t beat yourself up about these thoughts.
  3. notice what your triggers are.
  4. respond to yourself with kindness.
  5. speak to yourself with compassion.
  6. turn off your TV for a while and limit the shows that are violent. (I’m watching more happy programs.)
  7. redirect your thoughts and actions to something happy.

Being mindful, kind and compassionate to yourself is an important skill to learn and takes some time.

Instead, you want caring, reassuring, encouraging and supportive words and actions towards yourself.

You are so worth the time and effort.

Jun17

Hope VS Hopelessness

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Hope-a feeling of trust, a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen and thinking it could happen.  A feeling that something good will happen or be true.

Hopelessness-a feeling of despair, without hope, downhearted, having no expectation of good or success, incapable of redemption or improvement. Feeling dreadful, horrible, terrible and useless.

When we are triggered we can swing between both of these feelings; here are a few suggestions on how to remain hopeful in the face of hopelessness.

  1. Take a walk in nature.
  2. If you are into prayer or mediation, indulge in it.
  3. Listen to music.
  4. Reach out and talk to someone.
  5. Write your guts out.
  6. Exercise
  7. Get enough sleep.
  8. Drink water.
  9. Don’t isolate.
  10. Be kind to yourself and others.
  11. Know that you will come out on the other side.

The feeling of hope is light; the feeling of hopelessness is heavy.

Hope is uplifting; hopelessness is oppressive.

You will know the difference immediately if you pay attention.