Tag Archives: life

Detachment And Other Stuff

Standard

I had a disappointing situation this weekend. I had wonderful plans that were thoughtlessly canceled.  That led me to spiral down the all too familiar slippery slopes of despair. The disappointment was a reminder of a  past belief that no one can be trusted. That is something that drives me crazy: someone you can”t trust. Say what you mean and mean what you say. But was that belief the truth?

I tried to find a way to cope with the situation. Especially since  I have a tendency to over react at times like these by turning my emotions viciously into gut wrenching personal attacks on myself.

I needed to stop. It took about half a day of ping ponging between being furious at not having control over the situation to remembering I need to detach to get perspective.

Detachment , to me, is allowing situations unfold or fold up in their own given time. I am reminded that it is not my timing that make things work out for the best. It is not my controlling or fussing that makes things go any faster.  However I find waiting  really frustrating. I want things my way and now. Well, that is the nasty co dependent, needy side of me speaking.

The nasty co dependent, needy side of me reeks havoc on my life and relationships and especially my thoughts. Co dependency is a product of my past but still alive and well living in the outskirts of my subconscious, waiting to destroy what ever I perceive as a hurt.

What is the truth behind all of this?

1. It is my beliefs and thoughts that are causing my own grief. Yes, I have the right to be disappointed but having my thoughts whirl around like a squirrel in a cage is maddening and extremely unhelpful.

2. Things don’t always go as planned. I forgot this one. Sometimes it’s just a matter of a misunderstanding and perhaps a readjustment. Or not the right time. Or not in my best interest.

3. I can’t control what others do. It is not the end of the world if someone disappoints me. Other peoples poor behavior is a reflection on them not on me.

4. People are not always loving all the time. This is an opportunity to say Ouch at the disappointment but remain open, peaceful and hopeful with the situation.

5. Time always reveals the truth behind what ever is going on, whether I  like it or not.

6. All situations are mirrors of what I need to take a look at. Interactions with others bring up feelings. Believe it or not people don’t cause feelings. The feelings that come up belong to me.

I ask these questions:

What would it be like if I made the effort not to think about these perceived offences?

What would it be like if I made the effort to stop the rushing negative thoughts?

What would it be like if I said yes to everything as a form of acceptance?

What would it be like if I practiced being really strong for myself for a change?

What would it be like  if I made the effort to improve only my life by examining my own behavior?

What would it be like if I remembered just how darn lucky I am to realize that all situations are unfolding as they need to?

What would it be like if I remembered just how lucky I am to change myself?

I know that as time passes my feelings will subside and clarity will come forward. I will learn what I need to learn and move on. If I have not learned the lesson a similar situation will come up and I will be given the chance to examine myself again.

It is my good fortune and luck to be awake and aware enough not to crawl under a rock and hide from life’s ups and downs.

It is my good fortune and luck to not hide behind any distraction and sit with the pain however uncomfortable it is.

It is compassionate and rewarding to experience suffering to understand what others might experience. Here is the miracle of connection.

From my suffering I can relate to another’s suffering. I know the comfort I need so I can comfort another.

How fortunate to get to the point of letting it go. That does not mean I am not disappointed. I am just not going to invest any more emotional energy on it. I am releasing my attention to what happened.

Here is the crux of the situation. The arduous climb, the crucial point. Here is my chance to mature and be a positive influence to the world at large.

I thank all that were involved in aggravating me. This is another chance for me to get to know who I am.

You are my teacher and I am truly grateful.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Karen Sackowitz – Writer – Personal Historian

Standard

Karen S

I am re- re – posting because we are having technical difficulties on this side of the computer. This should do it.

 

Welcome the talented, energetic writer and personal historian Karen Sackowitz. She has graciously allowed me to interview her about her work. Karen is a prolific writer, business owner and busy mom.

Karen says she was born to be a writer and has done so for the majority of her life. Her personal writings eventually led her to open Sackowitz Communications and most recently, Your Stories Ink which highlights writing personal histories of very interesting clients.

PurelySimpleWords (PSW): Welcome Karen, thank you for sharing your experience with me and my audience.

Karen Sackowitz (KS): Thank you for having me.

PSW: You and I met at an Association of Personal Historians meeting a few months ago and I was immediately impressed with your energy and enthusiasm. I know you are passionate about writing and helping people through your talents. Tell me: what do you like about your work?

KS : Certainly, I have been doing a bunch of different types of writing including freelance commercial writing and marketing materials mainly for healthcare clients. I am also a freelance journalist writing for publications and magazines like the Boston Globe, Hartford Business Journal and Wilton Magazine which is in my town here in Connecticut. I also have my personal history business, Your Stories Ink.

The common theme between all of them is learning. I am insatiably curious and I love learning about things. For example, in the healthcare writing I may learn about a new surgical procedure, which is fascinating. I write the web copy for the hospital so their patients can get on line and understand what they might experience. I am learning about it and it is energizing for me.

PSW: Tell me about your journalism work.

KS: The journalism work is about meeting people and learning about their background and specialties. I did a story about a man for the Hartford Business Journal as a business subject – he was a funeral director and running a family business. I ended up talking to him for almost two hours because he is a fascinating person. He was passionate about his work, he went above and beyond for the families he worked with. He took his role serious and personally which he openly showed. This is the stuff that really gets me jazzed. I like to learn about business but especially about the people behind the business. This lead me to Your Stories Ink which is straight out “People” – tell me your story.

Whether you traveled around the world or didn’t, everybody has a story. Now I just get to listen and learn about them and be curious. The more curious I am and the more questions I ask benefits my client because they will learn more and more about the person they are capturing through personal history. I just love meeting and learning about people and their lives. This interest has come to me in many forms and that’s what keeps me going.

PSW: Bravo on your work, I know your are a very busy Mom and and entrepreneur. How do you have time to do all you do?

KS: I multitask where necessary. My husband accuses me of thinking I can bend space and time and I say because I can – what’s the problem. Kidding aside, I have learned to enlist help. When you start a new business it can be difficult because you hang on to every penny and end up doing everything yourself. Sometimes its just not possible to outsource anything, but I realize that outsourcing can come in the simplest form. Like a babysitter for eight hours a week so I can focus entirely on my business or write without distraction or interview someone. I make little investments here and there, like enlisting help where I can. I am here in F airfield County, Connecticut and my husband works in New York City so he’s not around much during the week. If I am going to have a business, clients and two young children it makes sense to hire help.

PSW: I see on your list of services you have experience writing speeches. What speeches have you written?

KS: Yes, I have written speeches. Some were for healthcare professionals who have been up for awards. I’ve written nomination as well as introductions for when they get up on stage and accept the award. Again it’s all about telling their story.

PSW: You have worked on many writing forms. What do you like to do the best?

KS: Right now I am really focused on the personal history part of my business because I am trying to build it. I have met the most fascinating people over the past few months just by putting the word out.

I met a man who started a tiny little dance school around here 50 years ago and now it’s a big chain of dance schools. Everyone knows him. Now I am learning his story. I met a former actress who is in her 80’s. Some stories don’t have to be flashy either. I have one client that is in the beginning stages of dementia, she said she did not know why her daughter wanted me to talk to her and that she really does not have a story. I answered with: Really? Because from what I understand you raised two girls on your own and worked three jobs to do it and you survived breast cancer. Let’s start there. That’s what I like about it too – making people realize that they have a really interesting story. People think they don’t but everyone does. That’s what I am really focused on and I love it.

PSW: What kind of product do you offer your clients? Will you put their story in a book or article?

KS: I am focused on books, I enjoy the written word so I have packages that start with typed manuscripts all the way up to professionally produced hard cover books with a jacket. We can incorporate photos or have a professional photographer. There are so many production options today that the book can be personalized and the client can order one or more books.

PSW: How do you balance your busy family and work life?

KS: Luckily I live in a small town so my children’s activities are within ten minutes of each other. I make sure I see my great group of friends, a girls night out or meet for coffee. I make social time everyday.

PSW: Are you still active with the group “Over 40 Females”?

KS: It’s been a while but they are a good group because they have interesting speakers and they go around the room giving you the opportunity to do a 30 second elevator speech. Also everyone gets a gift bag. You can put your promotional material in the gift bag. Your promotional material goes home with everyone. It’s a great opportunity to network too. I joined the speakers bureau which allows me to speak at an event. I realize public speaking is a huge marketing opportunity also.

PSW: You are doing great work, is there anything else you would like to add?

KS: I am pretty lucky to do what I do. I work for myself, meet great people all the time and I’m glad you are going to tell people about it.

PSW: Thank you again Karen for sharing your time and expertise with us. Good luck in all your endeavors.

Karen is an inspiration to me with her courage to be seen, show her talents and organize her professional and home life.

You can read about and contact Karen Sackowitz at: karensackowitz.com, Karen Sackowitiz Communication and Your Stories Ink on Facebook.com.

Roman Price

Standard

If you are still looking

for that one person

who will change your life,

look in the mirror.

Roman Price

Thoughtful Thursdays #59

Standard

I love to embroider. Every now and then a designer will contact me to do some work. This just happened recently and today I dropped off the finished product. He asked I embroider taupe stems, purple petals, yellow sunflowers with brown french knot middles on a shirt.  The design was put on the bottom border, and neckline. The designer loved it.

What is my point? Don’t put off what you truly love because that is where you expand. Even if it is a hobby and there is no money involved and you love to do it, then continue.

I don’t know what the science is behind doing what you love but I do know that every time I do what I love I grow, I feel happy, I have confidence, I feel new.  Each time I do what I love a new perspective opens up. The act of doing what you love changes your brain into a machine or magnet for attracting happiness.

I am reminded that I must stay on the path of happiness.

How about you?

What do you love to do?

How often do you engage in the activity you love?

Happy path finding.

 

Life is Short

Standard

The stroke was unexpected and sudden. His wife rushed him to the hospital after he vomited all over himself. As he lay in the hospital waiting treatment, he drifted into a coma. He was a hemophiliac. Did I know? No I did not.

Those are the words I remember at the wake I went to yesterday of a friend I knew since I was a child. He passed away this past Friday because the stroke severed an important communique in the brain. The part that tells your brain when to eat and breathe.

He lay in a coma for two months then on Friday when is body gave out he passed.

My friend is Chinese. I had never been to a Chinese wake. Upon entering I could hear the Amitoufo chant. If you are not familiar with this Buddha, he is the Buddha of Light and Life. He comes for you and brings you to the Pure Land when you pass. The wake  is very much like Christian wakes but if you were Chinese you were asked to light incense and bow three times. Those who were non-Chinese where told where to walk to view the body. The family rolled paper tubes with silver and gold on it and threw them into a small fire furnace. This was to release his spirit into the great beyond.

As I walked up to the casket, he was unrecognizable. All the plumpness had evaporated into thin leather skin. The make up helped make him look like he was sleeping. But not really. He lay in a  beautiful coffin in mahogany red and he was in an impeccable suit and tie. Of course the coffin was in the customary half open from the hips up and closed from the hips down. Much like a flat dutch door. An easel with a picture of him healthy and casual. He was always casual. This was the first time I saw him dressed up.

The eulogy was said by a Chinese officiant and a born again Christian man who my friend worked with. The words were of how he was always helping people, volunteered at 9/11, would go out of his way for his friends, and loved his wife and two small children. He worked at the same job for twenty seven years. The tears were endless. His father and mother, sisters and brother, nieces and nephews, wife, children, in laws, friends were openly sad. Me included.

 

I took notice that there were fifty three funeral arrangements. I have never seen so many flowers at a wake. How wonderful to be remembered in such a fond way.

We were closer when we were younger but over the years we would run into each other here and there  and give updates  about how our lives were going. I ran into him at the grocery store about a month before the stroke. I was meant to see him one last time without knowing I would never see him again.

I feel so lucky to know someone for such an incredible amount of years. And be a part of  his life. Most people I meet come and go quickly and there is not enough time to be comfortable. With him I was comfortable.

After the eulogy most of the crowd walked into the lobby to eat some Chinese pastries with coffee and tea. We went from one board to another looking at his life from childhood to fatherhood.

It is my belief that when you die your spirit has to become acclimated to its new form so you stick around for a while. That has been my experience with loved ones who pass away. They stick around and then become less and less dense when they are ready.

As I looked at his pictures there he was in spirit right next to me. Smiling and happy and plump with life  that he was so richly remembered. I know I will always remember him. And how in his short life he used goodness and kindness towards others in remarkable ways to make a difference.

I am inspired to do the same. Thank you for the reminder that life is very short and to do the best you can.  Thanks for being in my life.

That is an incredible way to be remembered.

Amitoufo, buddy. RIP

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thoughtful Thursdays # 57 Food and Memories

Standard

Food and all its smell, texture, taste and visual appeal can remind us of good times. As a kid I loved when my neighbor Leone made Spanish rice and beans with a salad. My mother would reciprocate by making an Italian dish.

Often we shared these dishes and good times. Being at Leone’s made me happy. As I got older I learned how to cook the same Spanish rice and beans and I am reminded of a happy time with good conversation and delicious tastes.

To this day I can make my mother’s chicken noodle soup and soup with  escarole and  white beans.

She inspired my love of soups. Over the years I have made many types of soup and I have gotten really good at making them.

What are some of your happiest memories around food?

Did you hear family stories around the table?

Do you remember any of the stories?

What is your favorite food? Why?

Do you crave those foods often?

Can you cook those same foods you had as a child?

Explore the magic of conversation and good food because the memories last a lifetime.

Illusions – Friedrich Nietzsche

Standard

People don’t want to hear

the truth

because

they don’t want their

illusions destroyed.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Life

Standard

Life is risky and dirty and unforgiving sometimes.

It’s OK

It is also stable, bright and tolerant.

g.piazza

You are the Creator

Standard

You are the creator of your own life experience, and as the creator of your experience, it is important to understand that it is not by virtue of your action, not by virtue of your doing—it is not even by virtue of what you are saying—that you are creating. You are creating by virtue of the thought that you are offering.

You cannot speak or offer action without thought-vibration occurring at the same time; however, you are often offering a thought-vibration without offering words or action. Children or babies learn to mimic the vibration of the adults who surround them long before they learn to mimic their words.

—Abraham

Excerpted from the book: Money and the Law of Attraction on August 31, 2008

 

Thoughtful Thursdays #50

Standard

A moment of insight

Influences 1000 lifetimes.

Georgia Piazza

It occurred to me that through any type of self development we change in a deep, profound and cellular level. Even if your outside doesn’t reflect the change. In your being you know you have changed. And that is priceless.

Na mo Amitoufo