This poster is from the Gottman Institute on how to process difficult emotions. This poster is just another tool in your toolbox for promoting good mental health.
You’re welcome.
Carry on.
Feb27
Category Archives: Thoughtful Thursdays
Feb21
Thoughtful Thursday #292 – Why Do You Attract The Same Negative Relationships
It is so frustrating going from relationship to relationship, all kinds of relationships that don’t work, jobs, friends, significant others, over and over. There is an answer.
At some point you learned unhealthy thought and action patterns from repeated emotional and/or physical abuse learned as love.
As a result we recreate those primary relationships so we can heal them and make us feel better in return. It doesn’t work, we repeat the patterns unconsciously, and you may need great mindfulness and therapy.
Dr. Tracey Marks, psychiatrist, has made an informative video about this subject. Please watch it, you will find truth and healing.
Feb13
Thoughtful Thursday #291 – Valentine’s Day
Feeling blue this Valentines Day because you are single, that is perfectly normal.
But Valentine’s day is more than romantic love, it’s about self love and love of your friends, children, significant others, those who make your life better, or whatever you are passionate about.
Do you, buy yourself a gift, go out with a couple, go on a vacation that you want, explore new destinations, talk to strangers, go to a social function alone, relish who you are.
Romantic love shows up quicker the more you know yourself. No one can resist a person who is confident and strong in standing on their own.
So this Valentines Day, let it be a reminder that self love is really the first love you ever need.
Happy Do You Day………………..
Feb6
Thoughtful Thursday #290 – Resistance and Recovery
Resistance is an unwillingness to deal in any way with uncomfortable psychological stuff.
Sometimes we are aware of our resistance but many times the resistance is totally unconscious.
Perhaps we know there is something off in the way we feel but can’t figure out what it is.
There are ways of finding and uncovering what is hidden in the subconscious.
- find a therapist you feel comfortable with.
- research mental health.
- write, write, write, you will feel resistance but write anyway.
- exercise
- look at cat videos, no really do activities that make you happy.
- do more of what makes you proud of yourself.
It’s time to recover your true self, and this is a lifelong journey, there are no quick fixes in self care. You will always need to take care of yourself, time will pass so you might as well start now.
You are worth it.
Jan30
Thoughtful Thursday #289 – Resistance and How to Overcome It
Resistance comes in many forms, such as avoidance, addiction, distraction, forgetting, repression, transference, compulsion etc.
We use these forms of resistance because of anxiety.
Behind the anxiety is a fear.
It’s a simple formula to remember, find the fear and the anxiety and resistance goes away, but so very hard to apply.
The answer to uncovering what you are resisting is in finding a safe way of expressing what you are thinking, For example, writing, a therapy that resonates with you, a support group are all safe to start with.
The idea is to find those small moments of clarity, moments of joy will return, and you will be ever so closer to the grounded adult self you need to be.
Jan9
Thoughtful Thursday #287 – How To Be A Rebel In 4 Easy Steps
Let me preface this saying that I have been a proud Rebel for most of my life. I am not kidding. My caregivers were so mentally ill that I had to fend for myself for a long time. I learned not to get swept up in their insanity by keeping true to what I knew was reality. Was living that like easy. Nope, it was very hard until I eventually moved away from that insanity.
Here’s what I learned about being a rebel and how you can become one too.
- Stay in your truth no matter how hard it is.
2. Live your unique life on your terms not matter how it looks to others.
3. Put a boundary up against those who will try to drag you down.
4. When you hear feedback that you always do things your way and don’t care about anything else, you know you are on the right track.
Bonus: It’s your life, make it resoundingly pleasant for you and then everything else will fall into place.
You are worth the time and effort in living fully.
Carry on you adorable REBEL.
Jan2
Thoughtful Thursday #286 – Violence
Violence is the last act of hopelessness.
One believes there is no other response available.
One believes they cannot change their circumstances.
Violence does not solve problems rather it temporarily pushes it away.
There are many factors why one would resort to violence, however, we are thinking beings and we have an enormous capacity to figure things out. Before we lose it and use violence take a moment to walk away, cool down, get help, talk it out, google alternatives to acting out, do something, anything that will keep you safe.
There is no point in dishing out violence if it will put you in jail, or the hospital or have some other negative long term consequences.
Think before you act, whatever you are facing there are always alternatives to violence.
Dec26
Thoughtful Thursday #285 – The Power of Words
Sticks and stones can break your bones and words can hurt you too.
Words have the power to explain, and uplift and shame and sooth and entice and many more ways to influence us, every day and in all ways.
How do you communicate? Do you think before you speak?
Words are intrinsic to self examination, sharing information, connecting emotionally. Words can trigger pain or can build bridges or burn false beliefs.
You get my point, the words you speak to yourself are as important as the words you speak to others.
Are you kind or mean with your internal dialog? Do you repeat fears and worries, do you take the time to listen to the your internal dialog and distinguish between the false lies or the quiet truth. Do you take the time to be quiet, still, grounded?
How you speak to yourself has a dramatic effect, if you put yourself down all the time you will start to believe it even if it is not true.
Start by paying attention to what you are telling yourself and make an effort to speak to yourself with lovingkindness. You are so very important, please start now.
Dec13
Thoughtful Thursday #283 – To Serve Others
We can serve others without voluntarily acting as a martyr. We can serve others without giving anything up, nope not one thing.
We can serve others by telling our story, there is always someone who will be inspired by your struggles and how you overcame them. The world needs more brave souls like all of us who have suffered, to inspire others into positive action.
When we tell our story we are acting authentic and showing our true selves, you are saying what everyone is feeling but can’t say it, you are helping someone heal with your honesty, and importantly you have showed your humanity and gained trust because you tell the truth.
Your words and actions will reinforce the honest person that you are.
Your words and actions are the kindest way of serving others in a deep and profound way through inspired action.
How wonderfully powerful, and generous you are as you serve your fellow man by telling your truth, your fabulous story, you deserve to be very proud of yourself.
Carry on you brave soul.
Dec5
Thoughtful Thursday #282 – Shame
There are many ways we feel shame, in Psychotherapist’s Joseph Burgo book there are 4 subtypes of shame and I will list them here:
- Unrequited Love-this is not only the type of unreciprocated love between adults, the author explains that it happens in infancy and childhood when a parent is not able to respond to the child in a healthy way. In my opinion this explains those nasty situations where we run after unavailable people. This makes a lot of sense to me.
- Unwanted exposure-maybe you were called out on something and humiliated about it.
- Disappointed exception-perhaps you set out to do something and fail.
- Being left out-it happens everywhere, home, work, school. No one wants to feel alone and rejected.
Shame can be so mentally excruciating that we are stopped in our tracks or run away from the pain. And that is normal.
How to heal shame: very difficult without mindfulness. But certainly achievable by doing the important work of examining your mental health. There is Mr. Burgo’s book plus the classic book on shame by John Bradshaw. There are thousands of articles and books available plus it’s really helpful to have a therapist so you can work through the core emotion of shame.
Shame: Free Yourself, Find Joy and Build True Self Esteem by Mr. Joseph Burgo
Healing the Shame That Binds You – John Bradshaw.
Both books are a good starting point for examining shame.
Carry on. You can do this.
purelysimplewords 