Category Archives: Blogs

Sep19

Thoughful Thursdays #34 Dis/comfort

Posted on by
Standard

Our minds are hardwired to seek comfort so there is a constant battle within us to reach out and extend ourselves or curl on a couch and watch a movie.

There is a place for comfort especially if we need to rejuvenate.

But it’s just as important to stretch into being uncomfortable. It’s actually the only way to grow. Just reading books or watching movies is the intellectual approach to a subject. But risking a new experience is what builds us out to be grater human beings. New experiences are the hands on approach to growing. With new experiences the world. For example, if you volunteer at a hospital you will look at illness in a new way. Visit the museum: look at the way previous civilizations lived. There are many similarities ad differences by looking at the past.

Here’s something to try: make a vow to yourself that one time a week for one hear you will try something, new preferably something that makes you uncomfortable.

If a year is too much try for one month.

OK I’m not trying to make this easy for you. You have to make a little effort.

If you try you will be amazed at how you will grow, mature and be a good example for others to follow.

Happy Hunting for new stuff to do.

Sep12

Thoughtful Thursdays #33 Listening

Posted on by
Standard

Most of the time we don’t listen to what is being said to us. All those good words are going to waste. I realized this when my daughter took issue with me about my dog. She said I am allowing him to get too heavy. The doctor wants him to lose about twenty pounds. As she spoke about my lack of concern for the dog she said something that made me listen. She said that when she speaks I don’t act on her advice and don’t take dog care seriously. What she was really saying was that I was not listening to her or taking her seriously.

It’s important that I listen to her because she is important to me. I don’t have to listen to anyone if I choose not to but those that are important know when I am not listening. And that hurts them.

This is the important lesson. Listen when those who love you say something because they are revealing their needs and concerns for themselves and you.

I’m listening Sam.

So keep those ears open and your dog on a diet.

Aug22

Thoughtful Thursdays #30

Posted on by
Standard

Everything starts with a thought.

Ever notice when you are upset with something your thinking is out of control. You find yourself spiraling down an abyss of negativity and can’t pull out of it. You feel angry, helpless, hopeless and unable to focus. The obsessive thinking starts and before you know it you are drained and unhappy.

There’s good news and only good news. These are only thoughts and thoughts can be changed. You are the power and authority in your world and at anytime you can change your mind.

I know you are not convinced because your ego is addicted to the drama of the situation.
Try this; based on the Queen of Affirmations philosophy of Ms. Louse Hay, her belief and mine, are that staying focused on what is positive will bring the best results.

Here are some affirmations. Write them 10 times each, your mind with fight you but you are the boss not your mind. In a short time you will calm down and feel better.

I open new doors to life.

I always have a choice.

I am worthy of all good.

I release all tension, I release all anger and I release all resistance.

I forgive all past experiences.

I love and accept myself.

These are just a few positive affirmations; there are tons of affirmations in books and on the Internet. Find some that resonate for you and use them.

So,

What Are You Thinking?

Aug8

Thoughtful Thursdays #28

Posted on by
Standard

e.e. cummings said: “To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting”.

When I read this it was almost too much to bear because it was true. It is a fundamental truth that no one talks about or even realizes till it’s almost too late. The truth is that society has set up rules so that if you don’t follow a particular like-minded tribe you will be lost and alone to the point of death. This mentality comes from the ancient survival mechanism in our brains that looks for safety. And it’s also has a clear undercurrent of power and control of a group under the guise of safety. I don’t know about you but I have been a loaner most of my life and I know that lost and empty feeling of not fitting in. I fooled myself for a long time with relationships, jobs, incredible ideas, trusting those I should not have and fabulous fashions but they all faded. The only thing left is me. Warts and all.

I have had sweeping changes and disappointments galore and guess what, I have survived. I still stand-alone and I enjoy being alone as much as I enjoy company.

Society has its own truths. I would never give up my truth to be myself. No matter what.

Be forewarned that acting true to yourself brings lots of jealousy and criticism. It’s a small price to pay for your own happiness. Be content and improve yourself regardless of what others think.

It will take a great deal of courage but you can do it. When there’s opposition, express it by doing something creative. Writing, painting, running what ever makes you happy.

Is this selfish, you may ask. No, because how can you be functional and productive when you have that feeling of uneasy boredom, are unhappy and living by habit?

No one can do your life the way you do so be proud of you and your life.

Jun27

Thoughtful Thursdays #22

Posted on by
Standard

Words – they can make you or break you. Words can uplift and destroy, create goodness and damnation, get you what you want or push it away.

Words are wonder and horror. Withholding words is depressing and dangerous and make you cry and cringe.

Words unexpressed, unsaid, untold, unwritten are a cancerous sore oozing to be placed where they belong.

Words look for a home. In a heart, in an ear, in the air, on paper, on a sidewalk, on the radio, on the TV, in a song, on a billboard, even T-shirts.

Where do your words belong? Are they good? Are they hurtful? Are your words generous with praise? Did you choose your words carefully to unearth a misunderstanding? Did your words help you grow? Did your words help someone else?

Words are as important as water because of the weight they carry. Without words we become dry and brittle and unable to communicate our needs and desires. Words create smoothness. Words create trust, insight, understanding, and clarity. The way a river moves quickly so words quickly move our lives.

Today choose your words carefully because they can change the course of your life forever.

Will your words be wonderful or wicked?

May6

Speaking the Truth

Posted on by
Standard

Truth can mean different things to different people. In this writing I am referring to my observations of those who have uncertain, unspoken, hidden agendas. Most people do not tell the truth about how they feel or what their real motives are. It is not easy to put yourself out there and speak what you believe is the truth because it is uncomfortable. You may be criticized or rejected or laughed at and not taken seriously, perhaps make you unpopular. First of all you have nothing to prove to anyone. What you believe is the truth for you remains there. Then you can act accordingly. It is easy to slip back into denial or to what is comfortable but the truth will stay obvious until it is expressed. The good thing about truth is it will make any situation transparent. Once the truth is known a shift happens. Right, wrong or indifferent something will change and even though it will seem strange or uncomfortable the change will be for the better.

Truth is a very good quality to have. Trust by its very nature forces you to inquire and find answers. Telling the truth will create a peaceful mind and those that are lucky to know you as someone who speaks the truth will trust you.

I meet many people who I know their words and actions are not in sync. Their words say one thing yet their actions do not match what they say. They do not speak the truth so they cannot be trusted. Why be interested in someone who cannot be trusted.

The bottom line is if you tell the truth to yourself first, you will always be able to trust yourself with no hidden agendas.

Speak the truth.

Mar7

Thoughtful Thursdays #14

Posted on by
Standard

Expectations:

I’ve always disagreed with the expression ” Have no expectations of anyone and you won’t be disappointed” because it sounds so strange. It doesn’t make sense. How can you not have expectations of anyone? That expression would mean never expect the bank teller to get your deposit right. Or not expecting to trust a doctor with your health. But I have recently changed my mind because now I understand the expression a little more deeply. This expression means not to have any expectation of a person to be anything but themselves.

For example, let’s say you know someone who is a thief and a liar. You leave this person alone with your purse and your wallet disappears. You ask where your wallet is and this person lies saying that he/she doesn’t know where your wallet is. Here’s where the expectation comes in. You expected this person to be trustworthy when you knew, on some level, that this person is not trustworthy. This is where disappointment comes in. You forgot the true character of this person. This person is a thief and liar. Unless by some miracle this person changes his/her character all actions will remain that of a thief and liar.

Simply put, don’t expect others to be anything other than who they are and you won’t be disappointed.

It’s good to be hopeful that people are basically good and well intentioned because you can expect the the bank teller and doctor will do their best for you. However, some people are not. It takes time to really get to know who you are dealing with. It’s safer to be detached and slowly get to know the other person.

There is no magic formula to protect yourself from those who are untrustworthy. It is risky to trust others. Sometimes we are desperate to trust someone. But using the skills of detachment, objectivity and trusting your gut will help in deciding if someone is trustworthy. And don’t let fear of being taken advantage of stop you from trusting. Most interactions with others are just fine. But the minute you see or feel something is not right, get out of the situation quickly. Trust yourself first and you will ultimately find the truth of anything.

Peace.

Feb18

The Holidays are over.

Posted on by
Standard

As much as I like the holidays I am always glad they are over. Too much work, stress and not enough resting. Now it’s back to a regular routine, work, bills and still no rest.

I am not a goal person. I just do what needs to be done and change what needs to be changed. So in the spirit of the new year it’s time for me to re-evaluate what needs to be changed and then just do it.

Happy New Year

Feb17

Family Albums

Posted on by
Standard

I just read the blog post of “Write Change Grow” about holding on to family portraits and pictures. Here are some of my thoughts on whether one should or should not hold on to those pictures.

I have held on to many pictures. I have a special photo album with a silver metal cover that I keep hidden and inside holds pictures of my family and significant others at various times of my life. When I look at them I become sentimental and recall the good times. Not the bad times. It’s a chance to think fondly of these people who in some way influenced me in either a positive or negative way. The album makes me wish for a better time and not the constant drama of egos. The album is a chance to send good wishes and pure feelings to those who I can’t find the words to express how I feel or of those who are not willing to listen to how I feel. Keeping these pictures is a form of therapy. In my opinion it’s a form of grief therapy. Which is probably why I keep the album hidden. It’s the opportunity to go through the five stages of grief, namely, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

It’s safe way of dropping denial and believing that it wasn’t that bad, yes, it was that bad. Being angry at a safe distance, bargaining with invisible ghosts of those I wish I could speak to or even an unavailable higher power called upon to help but never shows up. Getting depressed about what might have been and all the lost time spent trying and hoping things would work out. It’s a way of feeling better about the disappointments surrounding those relationships. And finally after a long time accepting what is. Not having any more unrealistic hopes and dreams about the present moment. And realizing that relationships turn out the way they are supposed to and if those relationships had continued perhaps it would have been worse. Ultimately the celebration that I am strong and so is everyone else who has such an album whether hidden or on the coffee table.

As crushing or seemingly supportive each relationship was it has taught me that change always happens and with each ending or beginning I grow.

Happy Growing and keep those pictures until you are ready to dump them.

Feb7

It occured to me

Posted on by
Standard

That writing is like ice cream. Some you like. Some you don’t.