Thoughtful Thursdays – #162 – Emotions

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Emotions are a barometer of information. Have you ever felt a strong emotion come up for, what seems to be, no good reason? Emotions can be triggered by a memory of the past. Emotions come up for you to examine, emotions won’t kill you, but they may scare you.

There is clearly a message with the emotion. If you can stay with the uneasiness of the emotion and examine it, you will be able to release it. Sorta like a balloon floating up into the air never to be seen again. It’s the same with the emotion that may be holding you back. This is the mystery of the subconscious (where emotions live) that is at work all the time. But we don’t realize it.

Feel it, release it, feel it, release it. Repeat

Will it be easy? Nope. But it works every time and you will be free.

Thoughtful Thursdays #161 – Loss

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We have all experienced the death of something, whether it’s a pet or person or job or relationship, the ending always feels the same: like a big loss. An empty hole that is sentimental and nostalgic and final.

We may want to run away from this empty hole with staying busy, getting high and distraction after distraction. But in those still moments when the emptiness returns be reminded that we need to feel our feelings and grieve the loss completely. Grieving has a purpose. Grieving allows you to empty your pain and becomes an energy that will turn to wisdom, love and power.

 

Too Many Broken Hearts

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Our hearts can become broken so easily. Broken from fear, endings, trauma, and tragedy. How many times have you seen something that makes you really sad and feel helpless to change the situation? We have all run across this many times. A homeless person, the high functioning drug addict, the mentally handicapped, the poor, stray animals, the dying. What about our own personal suffering. Everyone has some challenge. It’s part of the human existence.

Tears flow from our eyes when we see others suffer and sometimes see a reflection of ourselves in that suffering. New Age philosophy makes claims to just think positive. That is unrealistic and impractical. You can’t just think for something to change for the better.

Each heart is unique; each heart has to find its own way of mending. What works for one heart will not work for another. Let’s ask: why is my heart broken and how can I move on?

  1. Take time to be still.
  2. Take time to grieve.
  3. Use extreme self-care.
  4. Try new things.
  5. Volunteer your time.
  6. Read about healing.
  7. Stay connected to others.
  8. Stay in the present moment.
  9. Get support.

In the meantime, hold yourself in high regard and shower love onto yourself. Know that this will pass.

 

 

 

 

Thoughtful Thursdays – #160 – Being Mean

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I was mean today and I liked it. I plan on being mean again soon. I had to put someone in their place today because I don’t respond well to being disrespected and screamed at.

Being mean keeps nasty people away. Being mean makes others notice and pay attention to what you are saying. Being mean works in getting your way.

I am not mean all the time, only when my back is against the wall or blamed for something I didn’t do or when someone is victimizing me.

Being mean is a form of emotionally protecting yourself. It takes courage to be mean. If you are nice all the time you will be taken advantage of. It’s great to be kind and loving and peaceful, but there are times to stand up for yourself, especially when dealing with people who want to get comfortable with obliterating your boundaries. It’s OK to be perceived as a  villain.

Those who see you as a villain are the bad guys. Those who don’t see you as a villain are your fans.

Protecting yourself is vital to living a happy life. Otherwise you will feel hopeless.

Go ahead, protect yourself.

Thoughtful Thursdays #159 – Your Own Wisdom

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During my life I have sought direction and meaning of my life  in many ways. Religions, gurus, books, fashion, food, and people who I thought knew more than me. I wasted so much time and energy trying to fit into where I didn’t belong.

So I stopped for a long time and got to know myself really well. I found my own way of being, my own direction, my own wisdom.

If you are seeking direction and meaning in your life, look within your thoughts. Ask without judgement: Why do I behave this way? Where did I learn this or that? What beliefs are outdated? Where does sadness live in my body? Where does joy live in my body? Where do I want to be? What do I want to do?

We all have other obligations, I get that. We have families and work but for five minutes every day ask a simple question. What is good for me? Write it down and visit it often and eventually  your desires will manifest.

You will know your own wisdom by feeling content and in the zone. Will there be obstacles? Definitely. The obstacles are left over stuff that has to be processed in order to move on. It’s OK, process and move on.

The more you know your own wisdom, the more meaningful your life will become and there is no need to justify the meaning of your life to anyone. You now belong to you. You are your beloved. You are the “god” of your own existence.

What a beautiful and powerful gift you can give to yourself: Your Own Wisdom.

Thoughtful Thursdays – # 158 – Anger

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Anger can be healthy or it can be destructive.

Healthy anger is the one where we say we have had enough and move to change in a positive way.

Destructive anger is where we take no prisoners and crush the perceived cause of our anger.

Before you act, take a moment to think about the consequences

of each choice.

Carry on.

Want to know more about healing trauma? Read my interview with Trauma expert Elisabeth Corey of Beating Trauma

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Elisabeth Corey has a very successful coaching business and blog: Beating Trauma, for survivors of survivors of childhood trauma. She is the survivor of family controlled child sex trafficking, incest and domestic violence that started when she was two years old.

Ms. Corey has an MSW and is a trauma recovery expert, writer, speaker and consultant.

As a survivor she uses her experience to lead other survivors to recovery through guidance sessions and coaching.

Ms. Corey is one of the bravest people I have ever met. She is unafraid to tell the truth about child abuse and her own personal experiences. She lets us know that there is hope and healing after trauma. Elisabeth Corey is a crusader in bringing healing to everyone in plain language, demystifying false beliefs and her generous mentoring.

This short interview is a window into her work and elaborate understanding of trauma in all forms.

Welcome Elisabeth Corey

Can you tell us how you came to do this work?

I came to do this work through my own extensive healing journey.  I was not satisfied with the slow pace of traditional therapy and started to take matters in to my own hands.  I used many different modalities to heal myself which included body work, spiritual practices like meditation and memory recovery.  During my work, I started to understand that I had inner parts that held aspects of my trauma.  This concept made so much sense and began to accelerate my own healing.  When I decided to start a blog, I was writing for my own recovery.  But very quickly, I started to receive messages from other survivors who had similar experiences to me.  I realized I needed to build a community with a focus on healing our inner parts.  Over time, and trial and error, the work grew to what it is today.

What tools do you have to aid in recovery from trauma?

My focus in on the concept of inner parts,  I help my clients to find their inner parts through building awareness and writing from the unconscious aspects of self.  I have developed tools that guide my clients through journaling in this way.  The increased awareness brings them more self-understanding, which facilitates the healing process.

How do you know you have been a victim?

That’s a great question.  Many times, the memories of severe trauma are not available to the conscious mind.  But I receive many messages from people questioning what they might have experienced.  They may struggle with anxiety or depression.  They may have physical symptoms like fibromyalgia or other forms of chronic pain.  They may sense they are not safe with certain family members.  Or they may have long periods of childhood with no memories.  These are all signs of trauma.

How did you meet Eric Holder a former Attorney General about trafficking?

I consult with several federal government agencies as a survivor expert on trauma and trafficking.  The opportunity to speak before Eric Holder and the Department of Justice was offered to me by those I had consulted with in the past.  It was an amazing experience to be able to present my story to that prestigious audience on that day.
You have masters in social work, why did you choose to be a coach instead of a therapist?

I didn’t want to be restricted in my approach. I base my work with clients on my own healing process. My experiences deeply inform my work. This means I am personally familiar with the healing steps and what happens when we take them. My approach doesn’t perfectly fit in to any model used by clinicians today. That said, it does have many similarities to Internal Family Systems which I am grateful to see gaining popularity in clinical circles.  In addition, clinical approaches tend to use labels for trauma responses, creating separation. My approach focuses on how our trauma can bring us together. I use my own stories of trauma and recovery to reduce the isolation and shame my clients often feel. This sharing, which is generally not accepted in the clinical world, is the basis for my work and fuels much of the success.

I often work with clients who are also working with therapists. Clients have found it very beneficial. I can help to uncover new aspects of the trauma through awareness building, informing therapy sessions in new ways. I refer to it as an acceleration program.

How did you find IFS therapy?

I never found it.  I discovered my inner parts on my own as a part of my own healing journey.  I had no idea there was a therapy in existence that did the same work.  I did not know about IFS until I was blogging.  One of my readers let me know my writing sounded like IFS, so I researched it at that point.

Can you explain how trauma is trapped in the body?

I am not a scientific expert on trauma and the body.  But trauma that cannot be processed when we are children (most of it) cannot be stored as a normal memory in our minds.  When memories and/or their emotions are repressed, they are stored in the body to be processed later.  Until we do this, the memories remain in a state of limbo and affect our daily lives through triggers along with a host of body symptoms.  When we are able to process them, the visceral response in the body dissipates and the memory is stored like other non-traumatic memories.

What is your mission with this work?

I want to change the world.  I know that sounds like a lot, but it is easy with this work.  Every time someone heals, they make different choices.  They in turn help to heal others.  They raise their children differently.  They start speaking out against their trauma.  They explore who they were meant to be.  Their voice is heard.  And that changes the world.

What can we all do to raise awareness of child abuse and trauma?

As I said above, the most important thing we can do is heal our trauma.  We all have it on some level.  When we heal our trauma, we become more aware of what is happening around us.  We can spot child abuse more quickly and we can speak out about it.

Do you have any speaking engagements planned?

I usually speak 2 -3 times per month in locations around the United States.  I can be hired directly or through several government agencies including the Office for Victims of Crimes and the Office of Trafficking in Persons.

It is my hope for everyone reading this that you found it helpful for yourself or someone else. For more information you can contact Elisabeth Corey on her Facebook page: Beating Trauma with Elisabeth Corey or blog: Beating Trauma.com.

Thanks

Thoughtful Thursdays # 157 – How To Move On

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My least favorite emotion is sadness; I cover it up with business but the sadness lies in my stomach. I know it is there because occasionally I feel sick to my stomach and I know I am not sick. This is my signal to watch for the sadness I am hiding.

You can’t refuse to feel any feeling because without feeling you will remain stuck. Once you feel the grief, or any other feeling, and process it you can move forward in a natural way.

Let yourself fall apart and allow some emotional time. I know it is easier said than done because of our survival belief that if I allow myself to feel grief, or any other emotion, I will be consumed by it and never come back. Actually that is just a fear, you will survive.

Mourn your losses and grieve your pain. It’s time to move on.

 

Thoughtful Thursdays # 156 – Humility

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I am not going to preach to you about being humble and lowly. Nope, there is nothing lowly about being humble.

Humble means you are willing to say I don’t know everything. Humble means you are willing to figure stuff out instead of blaming. Humble means you are willing to learn something new. Humble means you move aside your ego and become engaged in problem solving.

Is it easy? Nope. It’s uncomfortable but so worth the effort because you no longer have to stay where you are unhappy.

Give it a try. Be humble enough to get down to learning something new and changing for the better.

 

 

Black Magic Cake

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I made a cake called Black Magic Cake in honor of the full moon, in honor of my dark side. The side that is hidden, the side with raw emotions. My friend Christopher asked me who I was going to hex with the cake. I got a laugh about that but it made me define just exactly what the dark side is for me.

It is the dark of our emotional life, the part that we cry in the night about. The part that is ashamed and holds secrets that we decided to go to our grave with. It is grief, sadness and mournful pain, the murderous rage and hatred. It is the part that is unhealed.

Making this cake is to give a voice to those uncomfortable feelings that need to be expressed. I usually write them out or do art to express myself but this time I tried something different. I baked a cake.

My advice to you is to unravel those strange feelings and sensations. There are messages there that want to be heard. Honor yourself enough to express yourself in a positive way. If you squash your dark side it has a way of showing up in unhealthy patterns.

Be curious enough to examine your dark side without judgment. There is no right way or wrong way of living your life. It is your path alone and very sacred. Make this journey important. Look at your dark side and be healed.