Thoughtful Thursdays # 156 – Humility

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I am not going to preach to you about being humble and lowly. Nope, there is nothing lowly about being humble.

Humble means you are willing to say I don’t know everything. Humble means you are willing to figure stuff out instead of blaming. Humble means you are willing to learn something new. Humble means you move aside your ego and become engaged in problem solving.

Is it easy? Nope. It’s uncomfortable but so worth the effort because you no longer have to stay where you are unhappy.

Give it a try. Be humble enough to get down to learning something new and changing for the better.

 

 

Black Magic Cake

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I made a cake called Black Magic Cake in honor of the full moon, in honor of my dark side. The side that is hidden, the side with raw emotions. My friend Christopher asked me who I was going to hex with the cake. I got a laugh about that but it made me define just exactly what the dark side is for me.

It is the dark of our emotional life, the part that we cry in the night about. The part that is ashamed and holds secrets that we decided to go to our grave with. It is grief, sadness and mournful pain, the murderous rage and hatred. It is the part that is unhealed.

Making this cake is to give a voice to those uncomfortable feelings that need to be expressed. I usually write them out or do art to express myself but this time I tried something different. I baked a cake.

My advice to you is to unravel those strange feelings and sensations. There are messages there that want to be heard. Honor yourself enough to express yourself in a positive way. If you squash your dark side it has a way of showing up in unhealthy patterns.

Be curious enough to examine your dark side without judgment. There is no right way or wrong way of living your life. It is your path alone and very sacred. Make this journey important. Look at your dark side and be healed.

 

Thoughtful Thursdays #155 – Confidence

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I wasn’t even remotely confident in myself until I was well into being an adult. I didn’t become brave enough to be confident until life threw me several curve balls. I was knocked down quite a few times until I learned to take care of myself. But you can learn confidence before life throws you any curve balls.

One striking thing about confidence if that there is a truth about it. There’s a feeling and truth in ones own abilities.

Here’s some ways to practice your confidence building skills.

  1. Do what you believe is right even if you are not supported.
  2. Take a risk and try a little harder to get to your goal.
  3. Admit your mistakes and correct them.
  4. Don’t wait for compliments.
  5. Accept compliments with pride.
  6. Look at what you have already accomplished.
  7. Take small steps to move forward.
  8. Stay away from negative situations.
  9. Upgrade your body image.
  10. Know you are brave and will succeed in anything you set out to do.

I am absolutely confident that you will be happier if you try these simple confidence building skills.

Now go out there and show the world who you are. You got this.

 

 

Thoughtful Thursdays – #154 – The Need To Be Right

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I admit it. I like to be right. Everyone does.

However to demand others see things our way is actually wrong. The need to be right all the time comes from the fear of losing control and credibility and feeling threatened. That is a real uncomfortable way to live.

“The truth you believe and cling to makes you unavailable to hear anything new.” – Pema Chodron

Here’s 5 negative results of insisting on being right all the time.

  1. You will not be open to other possibilities.
  2. You see others in a condescending and belittling manner.
  3. There is no open dialog.
  4. You will end up alone and isolated.
  5. It is disrespectful to others.

“What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our beliefs about who we are.” -Anthony Robbins

Here’s 5 positive results of letting go of being right all the time.

  1. You become kinder and accepting without feeling threatened.
  2. You become more compassionate and understanding.
  3. You can communicate better.
  4. You will be open to new experiences.
  5. You will have the willingness to be wrong.

“You can change your beliefs so they empower your dreams and desires. Create a strong belief in yourself and what you want.”- Marcia Wieder

If we can, for just a moment, become detached from the need to be right and listen to another’s opinion we open ourselves to deeper understanding and acceptance. Being detached to having it your way will also eliminate judgement and resistance.

So be considerate to others by being confident enough to live without the need to be right. You will be happier, unafraid to make mistakes, kinder, willing to learn, humble and brave enough to build character.

Happy— I Don’t Have To Be Right All The Time— Day.

 

 

Thoughtful Thursdays – #153 – Repeating Patterns

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We are destined to repeat the same patterns of negativity until we examine them.

If you find yourself in destructive patterns over and over it is Mother Nature’s signal to stop what you are doing and examine it. Believe it or not there are signals from Mother Nature and your higher self-telling you to destroy what you don’t need to repeat. This is actually a healthy part of you reaching out and saying: “Enough is enough it’s time to look at what is going on here”.

Here is a secret, you can be sure that your mind will tell you this is not true and try all kinds of tricks to stop you from moving forward. Don’t listen to the lies your mind tells you. Your mind says these things because it is afraid to feel anything. It wants you to stay the same and be safe. But eventually the pain will be too much and you will either squash it with more self-destruction or do yourself a favor and reach out with kindness for yourself and examine what you are doing.

It is not easy to be honest about how we feel and the actions we take. It just takes a tiny step in a healing direction. A tiny risk of looking at your own beliefs, a tiny look at who we pretend to be and who we really are.

You are strong enough, smart enough, have time enough, love yourself enough  to do this work, you are brave enough and lucky enough to be on this path. You are worth it too. And a bonus, your family, friends, pets, and all you touch will heal as you heal.

Reach out and find a therapy, a part of nature, a hobby you are inspired by and follow it. There may not be any outward signs to follow; some signals will come from an internal place and manifest in the here and now. Your intuition will speak, your adult self will act and the child in you will rejoice.

Thoughtful Thurdsays #152 – Trauma

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Trauma is when your mind is stuck on a difficult situation from the past. Let me explain. Perhaps you fell on ice and broke your leg. You then needed surgery to fix it. After much healing you are healthy again.

You decide to take a walk and happen upon the same street where you fell. Dread sets in, flashbacks of falling ignite your memory, fear of having surgery again zings in your head. So you avoid that street. You will never walk down that street again because it reminds you of when you fell.

Not every one would react that way but it is not uncommon that our minds go into survival mode after a trauma and reminds us not to venture down that block again. Your mind is trying to protect you and has no sense of time. This is the nature of trauma.

Our minds become frozen in time over an unpleasant event. Trauma is epidemic. If you have lived, you have experienced trauma.

What can we do to become unstuck. Find trauma support groups, trauma therapy, writing, meditation. Do whatever needs to be done to heal. There is no one way, or right way, there is only your way to heal. Push through the fear just for a little while and begin your healing journey. You are worth it.

Thoughtful Thursdays #151 – Trust

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I don’t trust very quickly. I like to wait and see where a situation or person leads to.  It’s wonderful to have people you can trust but that is rare because people are people and wrapped up in their own stuff.

I am better at trusting me. How can we get better at trusting ourselves?

  1. Be the CEO of your own life.
  2. Pay attention to  your instincts.
  3. Go with the flow, try not to force but let life unfold.
  4. Listen to your body.
  5. Quiet your mind.

These are some basic ways for developing a sense of trust in yourself and the more you trust yourself the better you know what your next step is and who to trust.

 

 

 

Thoughtful Thursdays #150 – Talking To Myself

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It is my opinion and experience that there are many parts to me. In a schizophrenic way we are all made up of many internal parts to greater or lesser degrees. We have the part that we show to the everyday world, a part that is the child, the part that is wounded, the love seeker, the angry one and many others. How do we know who is out and who isn’t?

If you feel stuck and frustrated there is probably and internal conflict going on between your inner parts.

The fastest way to figure out what you are thinking is to write. Sit down with a pen or at your computer and bang out what you are thinking and feeling. This will allow your inner parts a voice. At some point you will experience a window of space, of expansiveness where you will be insightful. This happened because you allowed your inner parts a voice and they get quiet. This type of writing is done frequently. The more you write from your inner parts the better you feel and more likely to change for the better.

You are worth the time and effort it takes to learn about yourself. It’s time to grow.

Thoughtful Thursdays #149 – Remembering and Forgetting

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Our awareness is busy all the time. It is so easy to be distracted by meaningless stuff. At some point we remember important internal stuff that needs to be addressed. This internal stuff is for your growth and happiness.  But we forget that our needs are important and keep getting distracted.

How do we remember to be good to ourselves?

Write lists, set an alarm, schedule that class, claim time for yourself, put up strong boundaries, protect your own interests, say no if necessary, have an unending interest in growing. You will end up remembering far more than forgetting.

Happy growing.

Thoughtful Thursdays # 148 – Working On Ourselves.

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It is not easy to examine ourselves. It can be torture. We can automatically wipe away the deep reasons we act out. We say “Why the heck did I do that?” Most of the time we can’t find a conscious reason so we shrug our shoulders, raise our hands and walk away.  We are uncomfortable with ourselves not knowing exactly what is going on beneath the surface of our thinking. But there is this gnawing, strange feeling that something is not right.

Pay attention to that feeling, it’s trying to tell you something. It is telling you to slow down and listen. It’s that small voice that is telling you why you do the things you do. When you hear it stop what you are doing and write down what was said.

Your mind will begin it’s chatter again but you will have the message to refer to anytime.

It’s not easy to ask those tough questions: Why am I not happy, why did I react that way, why, why, why. Ask without judgement and when you find the answer examine it without judgement.

It’s up to you to change or not. Just try in tiny steps and take those steps without judgement. Become a witness to you own motives. You may be surprised at what to observe.