Tag Archives: Reflections

Detachment And Other Stuff

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I had a disappointing situation this weekend. I had wonderful plans that were thoughtlessly canceled.  That led me to spiral down the all too familiar slippery slopes of despair. The disappointment was a reminder of a  past belief that no one can be trusted. That is something that drives me crazy: someone you can”t trust. Say what you mean and mean what you say. But was that belief the truth?

I tried to find a way to cope with the situation. Especially since  I have a tendency to over react at times like these by turning my emotions viciously into gut wrenching personal attacks on myself.

I needed to stop. It took about half a day of ping ponging between being furious at not having control over the situation to remembering I need to detach to get perspective.

Detachment , to me, is allowing situations unfold or fold up in their own given time. I am reminded that it is not my timing that make things work out for the best. It is not my controlling or fussing that makes things go any faster.  However I find waiting  really frustrating. I want things my way and now. Well, that is the nasty co dependent, needy side of me speaking.

The nasty co dependent, needy side of me reeks havoc on my life and relationships and especially my thoughts. Co dependency is a product of my past but still alive and well living in the outskirts of my subconscious, waiting to destroy what ever I perceive as a hurt.

What is the truth behind all of this?

1. It is my beliefs and thoughts that are causing my own grief. Yes, I have the right to be disappointed but having my thoughts whirl around like a squirrel in a cage is maddening and extremely unhelpful.

2. Things don’t always go as planned. I forgot this one. Sometimes it’s just a matter of a misunderstanding and perhaps a readjustment. Or not the right time. Or not in my best interest.

3. I can’t control what others do. It is not the end of the world if someone disappoints me. Other peoples poor behavior is a reflection on them not on me.

4. People are not always loving all the time. This is an opportunity to say Ouch at the disappointment but remain open, peaceful and hopeful with the situation.

5. Time always reveals the truth behind what ever is going on, whether I  like it or not.

6. All situations are mirrors of what I need to take a look at. Interactions with others bring up feelings. Believe it or not people don’t cause feelings. The feelings that come up belong to me.

I ask these questions:

What would it be like if I made the effort not to think about these perceived offences?

What would it be like if I made the effort to stop the rushing negative thoughts?

What would it be like if I said yes to everything as a form of acceptance?

What would it be like if I practiced being really strong for myself for a change?

What would it be like  if I made the effort to improve only my life by examining my own behavior?

What would it be like if I remembered just how darn lucky I am to realize that all situations are unfolding as they need to?

What would it be like if I remembered just how lucky I am to change myself?

I know that as time passes my feelings will subside and clarity will come forward. I will learn what I need to learn and move on. If I have not learned the lesson a similar situation will come up and I will be given the chance to examine myself again.

It is my good fortune and luck to be awake and aware enough not to crawl under a rock and hide from life’s ups and downs.

It is my good fortune and luck to not hide behind any distraction and sit with the pain however uncomfortable it is.

It is compassionate and rewarding to experience suffering to understand what others might experience. Here is the miracle of connection.

From my suffering I can relate to another’s suffering. I know the comfort I need so I can comfort another.

How fortunate to get to the point of letting it go. That does not mean I am not disappointed. I am just not going to invest any more emotional energy on it. I am releasing my attention to what happened.

Here is the crux of the situation. The arduous climb, the crucial point. Here is my chance to mature and be a positive influence to the world at large.

I thank all that were involved in aggravating me. This is another chance for me to get to know who I am.

You are my teacher and I am truly grateful.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love

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I may not know you

But my heart does.

I send you roses and hibiscus

always.

g.piazza

Deborah Perham – Personal Historian Par Excellence

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Deborah Perham\

 

Please welcome Deborah Perham from A Lifetime Legacy. Deborah is a family and personal historian based in Suffolk County, Long Island, NY. Her specialty is preserving personal legacies in the form of memoir writing classes, narrated slide shows, video biographies, treasured family recipe books, and online pet tributes for your favorite pet.

Personal History writing has been around for some time now but not many are familiar with it.

Personal Historians are professionals who help people record their life stories in some permanent form such as Deborah’s products. These stories can be as brief as a birth record or as elaborate as stories covering multiple generations, with everything in between such as a religious celebration, wedding or graduation.

PurelySimpleWords (PSW): Thank you Deborah for allowing me to tell my audience about your interesting work.

Deborah Perham (DP): You are welcome. I am honored to be here.

PSW: I was reading your website and you have a talent for putting a legacy together that puts validation to people’s lives. Tell me about your work.

DP: Well, in the early 80’s I started a court reporting agency because I was very attracted to law. I am also attracted to storytelling. It was a way to combine two of my passions. My maternal grandmother always told me stories of her life. I didn’t know why she told me these stories that happened long before I was born. As a young adult, I learned why. In the 50’s my maternal grandmother lost all her photographs in a basement flood, so throughout her life she mourned the loss of those photographs and told stories of her life to compensate for that loss. As I got older I began recording both my grandmothers’ stories because they were both very dear to me, and their stories intrigued me.

The court reporting business is about listening to peoples’ stories of an event in their life, whether it’s a slip and fall or motor vehicle accident, construction accident, medical malpractice event. I did this for 32 years until an opportunity presented itself, by surprise, to sell my business, which I did. At that time I found myself with lots of time on my hands. My husband’s job requires him to travel many weeks a year, and my three children were away at college.

I decided it was a perfect time to reinvent myself. I certainly did not have another thirty years to work the same way I did in my last profession, so instead of a complete reinvention, I examined what skills I have and what I enjoy doing. What am I completely passionate about. I am very sentimental and thought often of my grandmother mourning the loss of her photographs. I had been my family’s self-appointed family genealogist. Sometimes I would work on our family tree search and find a lot of information, at other times I would hit a brick wall.

I found people from the 1600’s, 1700’s and 1800’s, and as I was searching, this quote would always resonate with me, “We are the result of the love of thousands.” Which led me to wonder: Who are these people? Who am I result of? Why do I do what I do? Why do I say what I say? Who am I and how did I get here today? My descendants and their lives were a complete mystery, yet all these people played a part in me becoming the person I am today.. I would wonder about “Uncle Earl” from the 1600s and know his story was gone forever.

These questions led me to discover the Association of Personal Historians and also the International Association of Story Keepers. These two organizations provide wonderful opportunities to learn about the field of personal history preservation.

Through my reinvention journey, I read about studies that illustrate the effect reminiscing has on individuals. We become more understanding people; we become kinder to strangers. I also came to realize that sharing family stories with children, stories about where they came from, and them being able to attach themselves to events in history, make them more grounded as young adults. It helps them make better decisions in life. For example: my children are now in their 20’s, and I find that by my sharing family stories with them, they have a sense of where and who they came from, and with that knowledge, they naturally became proud of their heritage and the ancestors who came before them.

It became clear to me that I wanted to work with families, individuals, companies, organization and communities to understand where they began, and to teach them the importance of knowing and preserving that information.

Basically this is how and why I decided to become a personal historian. I always enjoyed helping people, and I have taken that passion and the skills I have learned through my years of memorializing stories in my prior court reporting profession and reinvented myself as a personal historian. I do this through memoir writing, oral history slideshows, and most recently video biographies, all privately or in workshop settings.

I am also thankful to the wonderful mentors I had when I first started. They helped me on my way to my early professional career. So as a thank you to them, I mentor and teach others how to preserve their story.

PSW: I can see you put a lot of time and effort into your passion. It comes out in your website and in the way you speak so passionately about your work. Can you tell me about the difference between starting a business in the 80’s and starting one now?

DP: Starting a business in the early 80’s was so different than it is now. We used to cold call, and really had no need to get to know clients in a personal way, nor did clients need to know us. To get a job was easy, solely based on your resume and a brief interview. Jobs were plentiful then. Now it’s different. With technology available today, you can find anything out about anyone. Countless resources are available. Competition is fierce. But now it’s all about networking. People want to work with others who are not only skilled but who are people they enjoy working with. The personal historian profession lends itself to a diverse population, some historians are very old souls and that has nothing to do with age. I always meet interesting and fascinating people who keep amazing me with their stories.

PSW: Your life and work have their own unique story and it has led you to be a creative personal historian. You will do very well. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me and the audience and it is my hope that you find many more clients to help. Good luck.

DP: Thank you, it was my pleasure.

 

To learn more about Deborah’s work visit her website: alifetimelegacy.com”

 

 

Karen Sackowitz – Writer – Personal Historian

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Karen S

I am re- re – posting because we are having technical difficulties on this side of the computer. This should do it.

 

Welcome the talented, energetic writer and personal historian Karen Sackowitz. She has graciously allowed me to interview her about her work. Karen is a prolific writer, business owner and busy mom.

Karen says she was born to be a writer and has done so for the majority of her life. Her personal writings eventually led her to open Sackowitz Communications and most recently, Your Stories Ink which highlights writing personal histories of very interesting clients.

PurelySimpleWords (PSW): Welcome Karen, thank you for sharing your experience with me and my audience.

Karen Sackowitz (KS): Thank you for having me.

PSW: You and I met at an Association of Personal Historians meeting a few months ago and I was immediately impressed with your energy and enthusiasm. I know you are passionate about writing and helping people through your talents. Tell me: what do you like about your work?

KS : Certainly, I have been doing a bunch of different types of writing including freelance commercial writing and marketing materials mainly for healthcare clients. I am also a freelance journalist writing for publications and magazines like the Boston Globe, Hartford Business Journal and Wilton Magazine which is in my town here in Connecticut. I also have my personal history business, Your Stories Ink.

The common theme between all of them is learning. I am insatiably curious and I love learning about things. For example, in the healthcare writing I may learn about a new surgical procedure, which is fascinating. I write the web copy for the hospital so their patients can get on line and understand what they might experience. I am learning about it and it is energizing for me.

PSW: Tell me about your journalism work.

KS: The journalism work is about meeting people and learning about their background and specialties. I did a story about a man for the Hartford Business Journal as a business subject – he was a funeral director and running a family business. I ended up talking to him for almost two hours because he is a fascinating person. He was passionate about his work, he went above and beyond for the families he worked with. He took his role serious and personally which he openly showed. This is the stuff that really gets me jazzed. I like to learn about business but especially about the people behind the business. This lead me to Your Stories Ink which is straight out “People” – tell me your story.

Whether you traveled around the world or didn’t, everybody has a story. Now I just get to listen and learn about them and be curious. The more curious I am and the more questions I ask benefits my client because they will learn more and more about the person they are capturing through personal history. I just love meeting and learning about people and their lives. This interest has come to me in many forms and that’s what keeps me going.

PSW: Bravo on your work, I know your are a very busy Mom and and entrepreneur. How do you have time to do all you do?

KS: I multitask where necessary. My husband accuses me of thinking I can bend space and time and I say because I can – what’s the problem. Kidding aside, I have learned to enlist help. When you start a new business it can be difficult because you hang on to every penny and end up doing everything yourself. Sometimes its just not possible to outsource anything, but I realize that outsourcing can come in the simplest form. Like a babysitter for eight hours a week so I can focus entirely on my business or write without distraction or interview someone. I make little investments here and there, like enlisting help where I can. I am here in F airfield County, Connecticut and my husband works in New York City so he’s not around much during the week. If I am going to have a business, clients and two young children it makes sense to hire help.

PSW: I see on your list of services you have experience writing speeches. What speeches have you written?

KS: Yes, I have written speeches. Some were for healthcare professionals who have been up for awards. I’ve written nomination as well as introductions for when they get up on stage and accept the award. Again it’s all about telling their story.

PSW: You have worked on many writing forms. What do you like to do the best?

KS: Right now I am really focused on the personal history part of my business because I am trying to build it. I have met the most fascinating people over the past few months just by putting the word out.

I met a man who started a tiny little dance school around here 50 years ago and now it’s a big chain of dance schools. Everyone knows him. Now I am learning his story. I met a former actress who is in her 80’s. Some stories don’t have to be flashy either. I have one client that is in the beginning stages of dementia, she said she did not know why her daughter wanted me to talk to her and that she really does not have a story. I answered with: Really? Because from what I understand you raised two girls on your own and worked three jobs to do it and you survived breast cancer. Let’s start there. That’s what I like about it too – making people realize that they have a really interesting story. People think they don’t but everyone does. That’s what I am really focused on and I love it.

PSW: What kind of product do you offer your clients? Will you put their story in a book or article?

KS: I am focused on books, I enjoy the written word so I have packages that start with typed manuscripts all the way up to professionally produced hard cover books with a jacket. We can incorporate photos or have a professional photographer. There are so many production options today that the book can be personalized and the client can order one or more books.

PSW: How do you balance your busy family and work life?

KS: Luckily I live in a small town so my children’s activities are within ten minutes of each other. I make sure I see my great group of friends, a girls night out or meet for coffee. I make social time everyday.

PSW: Are you still active with the group “Over 40 Females”?

KS: It’s been a while but they are a good group because they have interesting speakers and they go around the room giving you the opportunity to do a 30 second elevator speech. Also everyone gets a gift bag. You can put your promotional material in the gift bag. Your promotional material goes home with everyone. It’s a great opportunity to network too. I joined the speakers bureau which allows me to speak at an event. I realize public speaking is a huge marketing opportunity also.

PSW: You are doing great work, is there anything else you would like to add?

KS: I am pretty lucky to do what I do. I work for myself, meet great people all the time and I’m glad you are going to tell people about it.

PSW: Thank you again Karen for sharing your time and expertise with us. Good luck in all your endeavors.

Karen is an inspiration to me with her courage to be seen, show her talents and organize her professional and home life.

You can read about and contact Karen Sackowitz at: karensackowitz.com, Karen Sackowitiz Communication and Your Stories Ink on Facebook.com.

Alice 105.9, Radio Station, Denver. Colo.

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“I was up really late last night

making voodoo dolls for,

well,

never mind

you’ll know who you are soon enough.”

Alice 105.9

Radio Station Denver, Colo.

Gloria Steinem

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The truth will set you free.

But, first it will piss you off.

Gloria Steinem

Pema Chodron

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Realize the this very body,

with its aches and its pleasures

is exactly what we need to be

fully human, fully awake,

fully alive.

Pema Chodron

Leo Buscaglia

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“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”

–Leo Buscaglia, American author, professor and philosopher

Thank you Mr. Buscaglia for saying the truth. All too often we miss the opportunity to be kind.

Take the time to notice who might need you.

You can change a life.

Sigmund Freud

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Most people do not really want freedom,

because freedom involves responsibility

and most people are

frightened of responsibility.

Sigmund Freud

Friedrich Nietzche

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That which does not kill us

makes us stronger.

Friedrich Nietzche