Category Archives: Uncategorized

Sep4

Thoughful Thursdays #65

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Healing

Healing is different things to different people. What I am about to say here is my experience of healing. Please indulge me.

1. Healing is not a linear process. There are many ups and downs.

2. Healing never ends but it does stop for very short or very long periods of time.

3. Healing does not come from other people unless they are pressing your buttons. That is an important clue of what you have to look at in yourself.

4, Healing can just out at you  many forms. Like reading books, relationships, paying attention to what is going on.

5, Healing can come from a crisis or deep insight.

6, Healing can come from very loud places and quiet places.

7. Healing is your ongoing job.

8, Healing speaks to you from your intitution.

9. Healing can be scary because you may not want to hear the route you need to take.

10. Healing can be postponed but will resurface when you least expect it.

Hope that helps.  Happy Healing!

Sep1

Narcissistic Victim Syndrome by Christine Louis de Canonville

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Stockholm syndrome involves the victim paradoxically forming a positive relationship with their oppressor; this is called “Trauma Bonding”. When victims of narcissistic are suffering from Stockholm Syndrome, they are often seen by outsiders as somehow having participated in some bizarre way that seems to support their abuse. However, to understand how the trauma bonding occurs, it is especially relevant to understand what is involved in the decision-making and problem-solving process of the victim. This theory is known as Cognitive Dissonance.

If therapists are to understand the behaviour of clients who have been victims of narcissistic abuse, then it is crucial for them to appreciate why the victim combines the two unhealthy conditions of Stockholm Syndrome and Cognitive Dissonance as part of their survival strategy. When these two strategies are in place, the victim firmly believes that their relationship is not only acceptable, but also vital for their survival. They become so enmeshed in the relationship with the abuser, that they feel that their world (mental and emotional) would fall apart if the relationship ended. This explains why they fear those people who attempt to rescue them from their abuser, and how this causes the victim to develop cognitive dissonance and become protective of their abuser.

Read the full article at The place of “Cognitive Dissonance” in Narcissistic Victim Syndrome by Christine Louis de Canonville, on The Roadshow for Therapists at http://narcissisticbehavior.net/the-place-of-cognitive-dissonance-in-narcissistic-victim-syndrome/

Sep1

The Narcissistic Mother’s Game by Richard Zwolinski, from: http://blogs.psychcentral.com

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The Narcissistic Mother’s Game
By RICHARD ZWOLINSKI, LMHC, CASAC & C.R. ZWOLINSKI

Dear Therapy Soup Reader,

A woman in recovery from PTSD found that learning about her mother’s belated diagnosis of Narcissistic and Histrionic Personality Disorders freed her from much of her life-long guilt and shame. We’re sharing some of her thoughts she wrote down for you (with a bit of our editing).

Have you had a bizarre history of an on-again, off-again relationship with your mother who makes it truly impossible for you to maintain any self-respect because she uses and maybe abuses you? Even if you’re the kind of person who believes that both people in relationships need to take responsibility, it really may not be your fault. See if any of my questions resonate with you.

Does your mother ask how you are (and barely listens to you) just to get your stuff out of the way so she can talk about herself?

Do you feel a strange disconnect from her/with her?

If you have a cold, does she have the flu? If you dented the car was she in a six car pileup? If you got promoted did she get an Emmy? If you’re having a baby, did she invent a cure for botulism?

Does your mother seem phony or overly dramatic?

Do people who’ve never seen the two of you together find her charming?

Does you mother try to get your friends, spouse, associates to collude with her against you? Do the people in your life now “get it” and don’t find her charming any more?

Does your mother give your friends, her friends, doctors, even strangers, inappropriately expensive gifts and give you her hand-me-downs?

If you reject something she does she have hysterics, crying about how cruel and thoughtless you are and how she tried do hard to do good?

Did your mother ignore you as a child to the point where she would “forget” to buy you clothes, pick you up from activities, or feed you?

Does she say really hurtful things to you that land just under the radar—viciously cruel (perhaps even evil), but virtually no one else but you understands that it these are intentional put-downs? Does she generally do this when there are no witnesses or when there are witnesses that are “on her side”? Does she sometimes do it in front of your friends or spouse in order to gauge their reaction and see if they’ll align with her?

Does your mother deny your memories of events, even denying physical abuse? Does she employ several tactics to invalidate your memories, including dismissal of the importance of the memory, denial that the event occurred, breaking into hysterics and histrionics that effectively shut down all rational discussion, etc?

Does she “set you up”, promising you the moon (her love, a vacation together, a gift, a joint therapy session, a new car), reel you in with the bait, and then say that you misinterpreted what she meant and that none of that was going to really happen?

Did your mother leave you in dangerous situations—outside in storms, at home alone with known abusers, locked in basements, etc., when you were a child?

Did your mother ever take you shopping as a child and ask you to pick out your favorite stuffed animal or toy, then buy it, wrap it up with bows, and give it to the neighbor’s kid, watching closely to see (and enjoy) your pained surprise?

Does your mother almost always lie, even when it would be in her best interests or simply easier to tell the truth?

Does your mother usually forget your birthday or send you a wildly inappropriate and unwanted gift?

Did your mother ever move and not tell you her address for a while, a week, a month, years?

Did your mother indulge her every whim and fantasy, having the house feng shuied, getting in-home massages, buying expensive antiques, jetting to Europe to get her hair cut, but felt it it unnecessary to buy you clothes, shoes, books, toys or other basic things a child usually gets?

Is everything always about her?

Does she blame everyone else for anything and everything and never, ever takes responsibility for the emotional (and sometimes physical) wreckage she leaves in her tracks?

Did your mother ever try to get you kicked out of college, a job, a group? Did your mother ever get you fired from a job?

Did your mother ever come to your elementary/middle/high school/college/performance and laugh at you or pretend she didn’t know you? Did she tell other performers (and their parents) how wonderful their performance was, but say nothing about your performance or talk about you dismissively?

Did you ever run into your mother’s arms as a toddler, only to be pushed away in disgust?

Do therapists not believe you, until you show them letters and emails from from your mother or they get the chance to meet her?

Did your mother triangulate the family, demanding that her parents, your aunt, your cousins not have contact with you because it “upset” her? Did she do the same with your siblings? Does she create a web of lies and manipulate circumstances to keep people separate so they don’t figure out what’s going on?

Did your mother shower “love” and overwhelming attention on one sibling and turn the others into the scapegoat?

If your answers are “yes, repeatedly” to more than a couple of these questions, your mother might have narcissistic personality disorder and/or histrionic personality disorder ( she also may be struggling with some painful traits of borderline personality disorder or have traits of sadistic personality disorder* or maybe even anti-social personality disorder or a combination of these).

You may feel blind with rage and at other times that life just isn’t worth living. In some cases fathers can be enablers or were abusers, too. It can be hard because sometimes people who hear a story like this, even therapists, and they either don’t believe it or think you are exaggerating.

When you have a mother (or father or other caregiver) like this, your sense of reality is never really sure. That’s why I call it a game. And it is a game to someone with Narcissistic or Histrionic PD. The game is “Me Against the World”. The goal is to get everyone to watch me, need me, focus on me, be kept off-balance by me, be controlled by me, be destroyed by me.

In a way, mother is like a black-hole, empty as eternity. She is also a vacuum (yes, nature abhors a vacuum and mother’s constantly trying to be filled). But I also pity her—more than that, actually. I feel such sorrow for her suffering, because I believe she must be suffering. And I see glimmers of hope. Sometimes, I sense a pause in her emptiness as if her soul is trying to infiltrate the emptiness. Sometimes I sense genuineness. These moments are precious to me and I try to encourage them now that I am strong enough to not feel the arrows she slings at me.

What really helped the daughter, above, on her healing journey was information and meeting others who’d been through what she had been through:

About NPD here at PsychCentral

About HPD here at PsychCentral

About Personality Disorders here at PsychCentral

A brief video about how parents with NPD often divorce, and how their children can be victims of abuse, parental alienation syndrome, and suffer from mental illness and/or addiction, co-dependency and personality disorders including NPD, HPD, BPD, and other problems.

We love these brief YouTube videos by Toronto therapist Victoria Lorient-Faibish. She really addresses so many of the problems that people with parents who have PDs face, including co-dependency and parental alienation syndrome.

Note: Yes, of course a father could also have one or more personality disorders. Some personality disorders are more prevalent in males, some in females but in no way is this post aligning with bias or prejudice. Please remember that we are sharing a specific person’s story at her request and we did not choose the sex of the people involved.

*The diagnosis of sadistic personality disorder is no longer in the DSM and the upcoming DSM is apparently going to eliminate more personality disorders. However, the umbrella “personality disorder not defined” might still be used when multiple traits from more than one personality disorder are found.

Sep1

It Could Not Have Ended Any Other Way by PsychopathFree

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Whatever happened in your relationship with the psychopath, and no matter how awful the final discard was, it could not have happened any other way. The D&D (devalue and discard) is the psychopath’s goal—the final payoff. They get to cause you the maximum amount of pain they can (sheer delight for them), and move on to fresh supply to start the game again. How could you have possibly prevented that? You can’t—not with someone who is actively working against you, using love-bombing and trust, and a false persona, to set you up for a horrifying downfall.

You struggled through the relationship, watching the psychopath slowly pull away, devalue you, wondering what you had done wrong, and desperately trying to “fix” things between you. And all the while, they kept adding to the pressure—building your fears, your panic, and your addiction. It was deliberate and calculated.

There’s no embarrassment in what you did, trying to save what you thought you had. At least, there shouldn’t be. If you were with a normal person, it may have worked. But then, with a normal person, he or she would have met you half way, to work on any problems. The psychopath knew what they were doing—manipulating the situation and you, to create your desperation, and to increase your pain. It was the game. And if you haven’t gone total No Contact, it still is.

You tried your best. In fact, you did more than your best, as you knocked down your own boundaries, trying to change and prevent what was coming. But in the end, there was nothing you could do—it was designed by the psychopath to end like it did. You could be the most stunning, accomplished, intelligent person, and it still wouldn’t matter. It wouldn’t have stopped the discard. Nothing will.

In the end, it really wasn’t you, it was the psychopath. You tried to deal openly, honestly, and lovingly with someone who exploited that, and used it against you. You are not the sick person, the psychopath is. So please, learn to forgive yourself. You were in an unfair, exploitative, parasitic relationship, and how you reacted is how any normal, healthy person would have. You were being manipulated, and responded the way the psychopath wanted you to.

Now you are wiser. Now, you will grow from what you’ve learned, and become stronger. Your boundaries will be reaffirmed, and grow stronger as well. The psychopath did not destroy you—they have only tried to convince you of that. But that’s the addiction talking. Rise up—be a better you. And remember, it couldn’t have ended any other way.

Aug23

Dark Poetry – A – Question

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Do you have questions just like me.
about how we are supposed to be.

In the dark of my mind
there you are standing sadly
head bowed and confused.

Don’t mind honey all is well
Eventually we will meet in hell.

by g.piazza

Aug21

Thoughful Thursdays # 64 – Going Underneath the Recesses Of My Mind

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A few weeks ago I wrote about suicide. It was before the Robin Williams incident. And I got a lot of people concerned with my mental health. Here is an explaintion and update on how I am feeling.

There were a series of events that ticked off my codependancy and abandonment issues so I spiraled down that slippery slope of despair. Only this time it was so painful that past memories surfaced. Hence the feeling of annilation.

Update………

Sometimes I have to allow myself to hit bottom emotionally because it is the only way up and out. I must allow myself to feel suicidal, sad, lonely, awful, cry, and scream, abandoned, needy, out of control and insane to the point of losing control.

When my ego is done yacking away with all this pain, I can feel the difference between my ego screaming and what is heart felt and realistic, instinctual and right. This is where time stops and as silly as it might sound I start to feel really lucky to be able to come up from the depths of emotional hell and be thankful for a roof over my head, my health, people I care about, talking, smiling, laughing etc.

My ego perceived lots of unrealistic things as a threat like it will die or is losing something. Those are just fears from the past rearing its ugly head and creating resistance. My ego will fight back, that is it’s nature. But eventually weakens because my ego needs to rest and then turns to being cooperative with healing and health. My ego must cooperate with expression and evolution of the self, it has no choice.

When my ego is open, raw and down it doesn’t see the options that are present. This gives me the reason to sit and go down the slope of despair.

Here is my secret……..This is where I just sit and feel everything. Let my mind wander to all the possible outcomes good and bad. I am not going to kid you it is hard to do this. It feels like no control at all. It is going into the unknown. Will I lose my mind or won’t I. I battle with reaching out for something to relieve being uncomfortable. I want the cigarette, drink, drug, person to distract me, the internet anything to stop the pain. But I must not, I must sit and feel no matter how long it takes. Going down to the bottomless pit of hopelessness. Eventually the desperation stops. I am spent, exhausted and heavy.

From here it is up. The feeling of empowerment takes over and the best therapy abounds. My own form of therapy. There is feeling of openness where answers come from. It is a form of meditation. I accept things for what they are. Here is the miracle: I can slowly move in a new direction. Still in pain I can still move ahead. Lick my wounds and heal.

I will say this: don’t listen or act on the ego it loves drama and pain. Listen and act on the positive, it loves moving like lava from out of the mountain of despair. Burning away illusions and reveals the truth of the situation. My truth and your truth. The positive wrenches through the illusion of despair and hopelessness. There is no such thing as helplessness really because it is all in the mind. But the ego does not realize this. The ego refuses to believe in possibilities. It believes in fear.

My heart must speak to the ego like a baby and encourage it to cooperate because my heart knows how to hold the hand of the screaming ego child lovingly and wholly. So does your heart. If you listen.

Peace, all is as it should be.

Aug20

World Blog Tour – 21 Century Marketing

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I have been invited to participate in the World Blog Tour. Here’ show it goes.

The World Blog tour is a concept of paying it forward. Someone invites to to join in, someone else invites some one else and so on. Essentially it is a chain letter for blogs. The objective is to bring do a good deed by mentioning other peoples work. You also must answer the same questions below. I want to thank my fellow writer and personal historian Deborah Perham of A Lifetime Legacy for inviting me on the World Blog Tour. Be sure to check out her blog: alifetimelegacy.com.

What am I currently working on?

I am currently working on interviewing inspirational creative people who have overcome the challenges of running creative businesses and lifestyles. I am also writing positive thinking and inspirational pieces. Creative writing like poetry and free association come up occasionally too. I love the feeling of passing insights to my audience and my objective is to validate each and every one of our authentic lives. No life is the same but we are the same in generalities. Often we don’t know about other peoples struggles so writing and sharing them has a healing effect and hopefully motivate change in a positive direction as well.

How Does My Work Differ From Others Of This Genre?

I am not sure how it is different other than I am the one saying it. Those who need to hear what I have to say will be drawn to my work. I started writing with gusto just a few years ago and I loved it so much I have been running with it ever since and have not looked back. Writing is healing for me and words have such power. The power to heal or destroy. My words are intended to heal.

Why Do I Write What I Write?

I write to validate, validate, validate. I know what it feels like to not be listened to or validated. It is extremely important to me that whoever I am dealing with knows I hear them. It is so frustrating when you want to be heard and no one listens. I do this through writing. So as a public service on my blog I do a lot of interviews to give back to those who have inspired me and pass on the information for others to be inspired.

How Does My Writing Process Work?

My entire writing process is based on free association and stream of consciousness. I have an idea and just write till I feel it is enough and then I edit or change. I don’t censor myself I just let my mind take over. I have been amazed at what I write. I found an essay I wrote a few years ago and I was amazed and the depth at which I wrote. The words just flowed. It was like someone else wrote it.

Shout out to some impressive people I have the pleasure of knowing.

Deborah Perham of A Life Time Legacy who is connecting generations through her personal history preservation business. Her website explains in depth how to keep the memories and your life alive for generations. Her dedication and enthusiasm for personal history is unending. Check her website: alifetimelegacy.com.

Karen Sackowitz of Karen Sackowitz Communications who is a professional writer and personal historian in the business of consulting and business services. The written word is gracefully put together for your business. Brochures, web content, social media messages are just a few of the services her company provides. Check out her services at karensackowitz.com.

Linda Villano of SerendipiTea who has the best tea importing company on the planet. Yes the planet, she imports tea from all over the world including exotic places like the Azores and Guatemala. She is generous with her knowledge and is focused on creating a great product and reducing the carbon footprint. Visit her website for a tea education: serendipitea.com.

Martie McNabb of Memories Out Of The Box who will create a unique personal history book for you without words. She is a visual artist who puts all your old memorabilia into a chronological book with your lifes story in it. It’s the kind of book to pull off the shelf, grab a beverage and tell the story with your own words. Visit her website:memoriesoutofthebox.com.

Tiffini Minatel-Schreiber of Tiff’s LIC (k) Dogwalking and Playgroups, LLC who is a successful and compassionate business owner. She is one of the original dog walking business owners in Long Island City, NY . She loves dogs and it shows in her professionalism and commitment to the dogs left in her care. To contact Tiffini visit her facebook page.

I have had the pleasure of interviewing each one of these extraordinary women. You can see their interviews on my blog: purelysimplewords.

Pass it on. World Blog Tour-21 Centruy Marketing. Thanks again to Deborah Perham for inviting me.

 

Aug17

Contests I Have Won So Far

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7/14…. 6 e books about being a better writer by  Linda Formicelli of Renegade Writer.

 

8/14….1 Kindle copy of Low Country Bribe – The first in the series of the Carolina Slade Mysteries by C. Hope Clark.

 

 

 

Aug15

Jury Duty – It’s Not As Bad As You Think

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jury duty picture

 

Jury duty is dreaded. Everyone who is called for jury duty finds it annoying and a waste of time. I know, I understand but it is really is important. It is not only our civil duty but one day you may need a jury to help you out on a case that is important to you. Some aspect of your life may depend on it.

I just finished three days of jury duty on a civil trial case in Queens, NY. I have been called for jury duty many times but I was never picked until now. In the past I have testified as a witness in a number of cases in front of grand juries and mediation so I am familiar with the court process.  Here’s what my experience was as a juror.

Day one of the jury selection process is where at least 150 people wait to be doled out to the different courts. It is a grueling process because there is a lot of waiting. This is where I was picked for the civil case.

Day two is where we showed up in the afternoon to weed out jurors who wouldn’t be good candidates for this trial. After the judge made his selection of 6 jurors and 2 alternates we hear the opening statements of the attorneys and call the plaintiff to the stand.

Mr. K representing the plaintiff began because his client brought the case. In this civil case we were asked to decide only who was at fault in causing a car accident that happened two years ago. There were no other details given about the case. The plaintiff is an 81 year old woman and the defendant is a 20 year old man at this time. Mr. K asked all of us if the age of each driver was an issue in deciding whether a driver is a capable driver and can we be unbiased in deciding the case without age being an issue. He explained how the accident happened on behalf of his clients understanding and reminded us to reconstruct the details based on testimony to find the truth.

Mr. N the attorney for the defendant did the same and added he believed the plaintiff believes her own truth but the pictures entered as evidence could prove his client was not at fault.

Here is where the fun started. The plaintiff takes the stand to testify.

Mr. K began questioning his client on the stand to bring her out as a capable and aware driver. The plaintiff testified and was asked to recall the details of the day of the accident. She reminded me of a sweet senior who was traumatized by this incident and wanted some recourse or retribution in having her car totaled by ending up smashing into a tree with the defendants car squishing her like an accordion. She said she was in the correct lane advancing to her destination. We were shown pictures of the deployed air bag, points of impact on both cars, mangled front ends and back ends, black scrapes on the light car, white scraps of paint on the dark car and the poor tree victim. There were pictures of the road and questions about how and which way she was going. It was noted she was going to pick up MRI films and that was her intentional destination.

The plaintiff had an easy time recalling some of the details but most questions were answered vaguely and with I don’t remember.

I was riveted with attention in listening to the words used and watching the body language of the plaintiff and the two attorneys. Mr. N cross examined the plaintiff and was in fine form in working for his client. His launch began. His questions where direct and fast not to confuse but to prove the plaintiff was not recalling the details as they actually happened. What were the names of the street?  Why don’t you remember? Do you usually go this was? Why did you go that way at that time? Which lane were you in? Mr. K objected at least ten times to Mr. N’s questions and the judge sustained seven times with three side bars. Each attorney was giving their best on behalf of their clients. After about half an hour it was wrap up time until the next day. We were advised by the judge not to talk to anyone etc, etc, etc. We were then dismissed.

Day three was about hearing from the defendant and his two witnesses. Mr. N questioned his client in a way that showed him to be a responsible and efficient driver, student and part time worker. Asked to recall the moments leading up to the accident the defendant says he was already in the right lane and the plaintiff came from the center without signaling, smashed into his car hooking his bumper on to the other car and the both went up on the sidewalk with the plaintiffs car crashing into the tree and the defendants car right behind hence producing the accordion effect. I can imagine the sounds and confusion of the moment.

Mr. K cross examines the defendant. Why did he not know the exact second he tried to apply his brakes? Why did he leave his home without a licensed driver with him because he did not have his adult drivers license yet? Why did he pick up his friends? Where they paying him to pick them up? Mr. K was launching an offensive to save this clients case. Mr. N cries objection, judge sustains, there are three more side bars.

The defendants witness testified with the same information as the defendants. Here come the closing arguments. Mr. K revisited the testimony presented and asked us to seek the truth via testimony. Mr. N revisited the testimony and asked us to see the truth via the pictures in evidence.

I was completely absorbed in the process, it felt important. As we, the jury, left the court room, I had a hard time looking anyone in the eye because I didn’t want to feel anything. I liked everyone, I didn’t want to choose. Stuff happens and it is unfortunate to have to litigate about it. If the parties in a court case cannot settle, litigation will bring hard feelings because it was important enough for someone to have their case heard. It was important to win and be right.

The court officer brought us to a small stuffy room and briefed us on the paperwork to be filled out and promptly left. Once inside the energy was high with each of us handling the pictures again. It was exciting to collaborate and join together as a group. Juror 1, the plaintiff wasn’t believable, Juror 2, the damage on the vehicles show the defendant did nothing wrong, Juror 3 the plaintiff was not cooperating with the line of questioning. Juror 4, they hooked onto each other so the plaintiff had to be in the center lane moving to the right. Juror 5, the pictures show the truth, Juror 6, The defendant  was bumped by the plaintiff sending them into the tree and sidewalk.

I felt sad to pick one over the other because both sides and their attorneys were nice guys and in a perfect world, in my world, there would have been a compromise. But in this sad reality we had to objectively pick a winner. So we did pick  in favor of the defendant unanimously.

Here I have come full circle when I remember the cases I testified on. I won each case and was a believable witness because I told the truth and sought justice. The jury that heard my cases listened to me the same way I listened to this case. Those jury panels were more important than I gave them credit for and I truly appreciate their time and effort and I know my time and effort was deeply appreciated too.

Jury duty may be your civil duty, and despite the temporary inconvenience, you are helping all parties involved to get justice, you help the attorneys service their clients and you have mediated justice in a lawful and objective way. And done so without any pre-qualifications but only as the law states: Trial by an impartial jury. Period

The next time you are called for Jury Duty don’t look at it as a time waster, look at it as a service to someone who needs your help in getting justice. It’s good Karma and you never know when you may need a jury to help you too.

Aug8

Detachment repost from July 6, 2014

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Detachment And Other Stuff

I had a disappointing situation this weekend. I had wonderful plans that were thoughtlessly canceled. That led me to spiral down the all too familiar slippery slopes of despair. The disappointment was a reminder of a past belief that no one can be trusted. That is something that drives me crazy: someone you can”t trust. Say what you mean and mean what you say. But was that belief the truth?

I tried to find a way to cope with the situation. Especially since I have a tendency to over react at times like these by turning my emotions viciously into gut wrenching personal attacks on myself.

I needed to stop. It took about half a day of ping ponging between being furious at not having control over the situation to remembering I need to detach to get perspective.

Detachment , to me, is allowing situations unfold or fold up in their own given time. I am reminded that it is not my timing that make things work out for the best. It is not my controlling or fussing that makes things go any faster. However I find waiting really frustrating. I want things my way and now. Well, that is the nasty co dependent, needy side of me speaking.

The nasty co dependent, needy side of me reeks havoc on my life and relationships and especially my thoughts. Co dependency is a product of my past but still alive and well living in the outskirts of my subconscious, waiting to destroy what ever I perceive as a hurt.

What is the truth behind all of this?

1. It is my beliefs and thoughts that are causing my own grief. Yes, I have the right to be disappointed but having my thoughts whirl around like a squirrel in a cage is maddening and extremely unhelpful.

2. Things don’t always go as planned. I forgot this one. Sometimes it’s just a matter of a misunderstanding and perhaps a readjustment. Or not the right time. Or not in my best interest.

3. I can’t control what others do. It is not the end of the world if someone disappoints me. Other peoples poor behavior is a reflection on them not on me.

4. People are not always loving all the time. This is an opportunity to say Ouch at the disappointment but remain open, peaceful and hopeful with the situation.

5. Time always reveals the truth behind what ever is going on, whether I like it or not.

6. All situations are mirrors of what I need to take a look at. Interactions with others bring up feelings. Believe it or not people don’t cause feelings. The feelings that come up belong to me.

I ask these questions:

What would it be like if I made the effort not to think about these perceived offences?

What would it be like if I made the effort to stop the rushing negative thoughts?

What would it be like if I said yes to everything as a form of acceptance?

What would it be like if I practiced being really strong for myself for a change?

What would it be like if I made the effort to improve only my life by examining my own behavior?

What would it be like if I remembered just how darn lucky I am to realize that all situations are unfolding as they need to?

What would it be like if I remembered just how lucky I am to change myself?

I know that as time passes my feelings will subside and clarity will come forward. I will learn what I need to learn and move on. If I have not learned the lesson a similar situation will come up and I will be given the chance to examine myself again.

It is my good fortune and luck to be awake and aware enough not to crawl under a rock and hide from life’s ups and downs.

It is my good fortune and luck to not hide behind any distraction and sit with the pain however uncomfortable it is.

It is compassionate and rewarding to experience suffering to understand what others might experience. Here is the miracle of connection.

From my suffering I can relate to another’s suffering. I know the comfort I need so I can comfort another.

How fortunate to get to the point of letting it go. That does not mean I am not disappointed. I am just not going to invest any more emotional energy on it. I am releasing my attention to what happened.

Here is the crux of the situation. The arduous climb, the crucial point. Here is my chance to mature and be a positive influence to the world at large.

I thank all that were involved in aggravating me. This is another chance for me to get to know who I am.

You are my teacher and I am truly grateful.