Category Archives: Change

Sep3

Thoughtful Thursdays #102 Trauma

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“Trauma survivors have symptoms instead of memories.” (Harvey, 1990) Adapted from Bremner & Marmer, 1998, Copyright 2007 Dr. Fisher

Trauma comes in many forms. Violence of any kind, addictions in both the user and observer, unavailable caregivers, isolation, and poverty are just a few ways of experiencing trauma.

Trauma is toxic mentally and physically because it stops you from maturing and living a full life.  The symptoms of trauma are depression, irritability, loss of interest, numbing, decreased concentration, insomnia, emotional overwhelm, hopelessness, shame and worthlessness, little or no memories, nightmares, flashbacks, hyper-vigilance, mistrust, anxiety, panic attacks, chronic pain, headaches, substance abuse, eating disorders, feeling unreal and out-of-body, self-destructive, loss of a sense of “Who I am”.

That’s a lot of information and possible triggers but they are symptoms of something that holds you back. Trauma effects everything you do with and without your awareness.

To heal from trauma is obvious. Find a trauma therapist. There are tons of information available to read and passionate therapists who want to help you heal.

If you realize you have been a victim that’s good. You will move from victim to survivor to one who thrives to a warrior.

You are strong, reach out and heal.

Aug11

Freedom

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So many times we feel stuck. Nothing is working out. We are confused about which way to go. Bored and restless.

Reminder: your options are not limited. Ignore naysayers and your own resistance. Think out side of the norm.

To free yourself from your actual or perceived restrictions: Choose.

Choose any direction. Any direction will lead you to freedom. Even if it is as simple a decision as what to eat for breakfast.

Feeling you have no control in your life could be based on your own actions. But more likly because of your inaction.

Aug4

Commitment

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I am not going to preach about commitment. Most of the time I am not very good at it unless it is really important or necessary.  I usually focus on what I can get by with.

It is common to focus on the small window of activities in our lives because we are so busy doing actions to keep our heads above water.

Is society the cause? Is the economy the cause? Is  fear the cause? Distractions? There are as many reasons and justifications as there are people.

For me, I am willing to commit to situations I either love or really enjoy or as a result of a crisis.  Is that enough, probably not because I stay in my comfort zone. Let’s be reasonable. How much time does one have in a day.

The solution is to make an effort to get out of one’s comfort zone. Easier said than done. But so noticeable necessary.

Just try……..that’s the only requirement in a commitment.

Jul27

Peer Pressure

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Children are not the only group to succumb to peer pressure.

I recently saw peer pressure at work at my office. One person clearly expressed a personal desire. Not anything out of the ordinary and announced he wanted to pursue an action to improve his life. The second  person became so enraged with jealousy because he did not think of it first and is making the first persons life miserable. Unfortunately, person one is subordinate to person two.

The first person is now quiet and dejected, embarrassed and ostracized for the moment. It will change because person one has bent over to peer pressure and the threat of financial ruin.

How stupid it is to be jealous and use your power to hurt someone else especially in a professional environment. The second person won’t get anywhere. The only thing accomplished was a show of power.

How sad and frustrating it is to be forced to act fake in order to survive. How sad to live in fear of being whipped and beaten by a nobody who thinks they are entitled to beat down others for ego purposes.

What is the resolve? I don’t know at the moment. I hope person one gets what they want and person two gets what they deserve.

 

 

 

Jul25

Rejection

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It’s no fun when someone rejects you. Especially if you had  great communication before hand.

Sometimes you will know the reason they back off. Sometimes you don’t.

It is OK. The pain of rejection and disappointment will wear off

Remember: Poor behavior is a reflection on them. Not you.

If they can’t talk to you about what is bothering them, then they are dishonest, childish and disrespectful.

You don’t need that negativity – just keep moving.

Jul16

Thoughtful thursdays #99-Free Thinkers

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How much of your day is occupied with playing it safe? Are your thoughts about taking the easy way out? Or are you thinking of different possibilities?

Free thinking is about thinking out side of the mainstream. It is thinking about the many different ways there are of tackling an issue.

Thinking in a new way is not only for solving problems. It is for changing, upgrading and getting in sync with a new quality in your life. A new quality like peace and happiness, a vocation to live for, a mission to accomplish, a new outlook, a more truer to who you are life.

Just think about what you want. Write it down. Don’t expect change right away. Take your time because the road is never straight when change is around.

Think Away!!

 

Jul16

Healthy and Unhealthy Boundaries

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Boundaries can be subtle or obvious. Here’s a partial list adapted from LoveEngineer.com.

Trust everyone or no one vs developing appropriate trust over time.

Black and white thinking vs realizing nothing is black and white.

Expecting others to automatically meet your needs vs communicating your wants and needs. (with the possibility of them being declined).

Self abuse vs treating yourself with respect and dignity.

Giving too much or not at all vs respect for others generosity.

Believing others can read your mind vs recognizing others can’t read your mind.

These are just a few boundary issues prevalent in our lives. Let’s add to the list and change what we can to foster our own growth.

Jul9

Thoughful Thursdays – #98 – No Obstructions

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If you had no obstruction inward or outward and  no obtrusive thoughts, what would you do with your life?

1. what would you do for a living?

2. where would you spend your time?

3. would you travel?

4. would you spend time learning about yourself and all the parts you have neglected?

5. would you write a book or read all the books that you are interested in?

6. where would you live?

7. what would you change?

8. would you create a new life based on your loves and likes?

9. would you become a hermit and meditate on life’s mysteries?

10. would you be afraid of your new-found freedom?

Make a list. It’s usually the last things on your list that are the truest because your ego wants to be first.

Happy freedom and discovery.

Jul7

10 Ways To Tell The Truth About What is Bothering You

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We all tell little white lies in order to avoid a confrontation or not to hurt someone’s feelings. When that no longer works we must fess up and tell the truth. Here are some ways to do that.

1. Say what you have to say peacefully with caring.

2. Before speaking be honest with yourself and what you have to say. Respond don’t react.

3. Write it down first to clear your mind.

4. Trust yourself and your ability to speak truthfully.

5. Expect the other person to get angry. Don’t say anything if you are angry.

6. It will feel uncomfortable to speak the truth at first. But stay strong. Don’t buckle under to anger or guilt.

7. Follow your heart.

8. Feel the sensations in your body. This is where you feel the surrounding energy.

9. Talk it out with someone first.

10. Ask a question to start a conversation about the subject.

Ignoring what bothers you has a band-aid effect on problems. It doesn’t last.

Don’t wait. Find a way to say what you need to say. It will clear the air and allow for positive movement.

 

 

Jun21

Listening

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I don’t find it hard to hear my inner voice. I find it hard to follow its advice.

If I don’t listen then events go from mild irritation to full-blown chaos.

I can count many times there was chaos and for a very long time.

It is easier to ignore that inner voice than to follow its advice because I don’t want to make effort. Effort involves a commitment to action which leads to change. Change is scary and hard to do because of the uncertainty involved.

I find that when I do have the courage or stamina to follow its advice I win every time.

I guess practice makes perfect.

Happy listening.