Tag Archives: happy

Thoughful Thursdays #65

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Healing

Healing is different things to different people. What I am about to say here is my experience of healing. Please indulge me.

1. Healing is not a linear process. There are many ups and downs.

2. Healing never ends but it does stop for very short or very long periods of time.

3. Healing does not come from other people unless they are pressing your buttons. That is an important clue of what you have to look at in yourself.

4, Healing can just out at you  many forms. Like reading books, relationships, paying attention to what is going on.

5, Healing can come from a crisis or deep insight.

6, Healing can come from very loud places and quiet places.

7. Healing is your ongoing job.

8, Healing speaks to you from your intitution.

9. Healing can be scary because you may not want to hear the route you need to take.

10. Healing can be postponed but will resurface when you least expect it.

Hope that helps.  Happy Healing!

Martie McNabb – Personal Historian – Memories Out of the Box

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Martie McNabb Profile Picture

 

I met Martie McNabb at one of the local chapter Association of Personal Historian meetings last year. She owns and operates a business in Brooklyn, NY She is a visual artist who tells personal history stories in books (& other display products) using only photos & memorabilia. Her books are created to let the reader tell the story in their own words. Which makes for a better story. Martie has been in business for over nine years and she is graciously going to share her wisdom and insights with us today.

Purelysimplewords (PSW): Welcome Martie. I know you are really busy so thanks for your time.

Martie McNabb (MM): Not busy with a lot of paid work.

PSW: It’s like that everywhere.

MM: It’s a standard thing. It’s the three stages of building a business. Visibility, Credibility and Profitability. Memories Out of the Box is heading into the Profitability stage but we are not there yet.

PSW: How long have you been doing Personal History work?

MM: We are coming up to 9 to 10 years.

PSW: That’s a long time!

MM: Personal Historians in general have a difficult time selling our services. At least people know what to do (as a memoir writer). There are no words (text) in the work I do, except those that are in documents or memorabilia. Occasionally if a client wants it but then they have to do the work. But the majority of my clients don’t have the time to caption anything. They look to what I create as an opportunity for storytelling. They pull the book off the shelf and sit down with their family and they go through it and reminisce and remember and reconnect with one another and that’s where the words come in as part of an individual, family or organizational oral tradition.

PSW: How did you get started as a Personal Historian?

MM: I was a high school Biology teacher in the city here for 8 ½ years. I wasn’t burnt out but I was crispy around the edges. I knew I couldn’t stay doing it. Mainly I love the kids but got burnt out by the administration and politics of education. As we know all the money is going into testing. Companies like Pearson Testing and curriculum companies are making a fortune off of it but the reality of it is you need to train teachers really, really well then you give them all the support they need to become excellent teachers then leave them the Fuck alone.

PSW: I agree with you on that one.

MM: No administrator would go into a cardiac surgeon’s operating room and tell them what to do. Teachers need the same respect. It’s not the money. The money is really good but it was all the other stuff. Anyway I had to leave there and I was just trying to figure what to do. I went back to my first career which was sign language interpreting. Which I still do occasionally if I need cash. Then I said, “What’s next?”

I decided to take a 16 week business class called Workshop in Business Opportunities (WIBO) which met once a week, we had homework. It cost me $99 and they had a curriculum they taught you and had different people who came in and taught you about different areas of building a business. It was an opportunity to meet other entrepreneurs too. I was not thinking of one business and around that time I went to visit a friend in North Carolina. I hadn’t seen my friend in 6 years . When I saw her she felt it was so important to tell me that she had become an aunt in that 6 year period. Her twin sister had two girls and all she wanted to do was show me pictures of her nieces. She spent half the visit going back and forth to her bedroom trying to find the right dresser drawer with the right envelope with the right picture in it. It occurred to me, why do we document the heck out of our lives. We take photos, we collect all kinds of stuff that document the things we remember. Touchstones that really make a difference for us. We hold on to them but so rarely do anything with them. They just sit in a box, mainly that’s how Memories Out of the Box came about.

I wondered how many other people have this problem. Needless to say it was a very informal marketing search. There is no known research about it at this point. All I can tell is we can see hundreds and thousands of old photographs at tag sales and flea markets and antique stores, the problem of what do you do with your photos have been around for a very long time. Because they are ending up in tag sales and flea markets and auctions. Someone in whatever family did nothing with them. You find old scrap books from the 20’s and 30’s and even earlier that have nothing in them. Perhaps the first couple of pages have photos in them and the rest nothing. I think the challenge of what we do with our photos, documents and memorabilia of our lives has been going on for a long time. But again I don’t have hard and fast truth of it. I started to think about it and ask people about it and said OK what valuable service can I offer because there seems to be a big need for it. Let me try opening this business. And so I did.

PSW: What do you enjoy most about doing this type of work?

MM: The most difficult part of this work is getting more work. It’s getting the word out to people to say I can do this work, people don’t understand that they can hand me their boxes, bags or key to their storage unit or whatever and I can do the majority of the work all by myself. Without them being there.

The next thing is I don’t spend enough time actually doing the work, because the clients are motivated to do it but it is not on the top of their priority list, especially for my clients basically since they handed it off to me and given me a check. It sometimes takes a little while to get back to me so I can move forward on these projects.

But the best part is when I am finally getting into my studio and start to work on these projects it’s pure joy. Time just stands still and I just get into this space of loving to be a part of telling this story. Of this visual narrative and I get to know the characters, I see where they go and what is important to them, what they do and who are their friends. I see children grow up and the weddings that have been in boxes for 22 years. They finally get into a beautiful book and get delivered to a husband and wife for their 23rd wedding anniversary. It’s the joy of creating the finished display product that is what I love and also it’s just being able to know that when I hand these projects back to my clients they are so thrilled. Many of these people thought about what to do with these boxes for years if not decades. Here when I say it is not a priority. I say it is not a top priority, but it is in the back of their minds and they think they have to do something with these. I have to find those wedding photos, the trips we took or my daughters baby book that I never finished and now my daughter’s is graduating from college. All of these things that were in the back of their minds but they have not done anything with it. The sense of relief they have when it’s done, they can sit down and look through it, share and reminisce. I have had some that were so excited to get the finished book, sit with some wine and go through each page and relish every moment. These are some reasons I love doing what I do.

PSW: Do you put the actual pictures in a book or do you scan them and put the scan in the book?

MM: It all depends on what my clients want and what the end product is. 1. I can take the original photos, documents, postcards, letters cards, teeth, locks of hair,. brochures, maps and all of that put them in a photo safe scrapbook with adhesive that is photo safe and archival quality. This is called a one off. A big challenge for the client is what to do with the originals if they want a digital book. There is still a preservation issue to that. Many of my clients don’t have a lot of storage space so they may never do anything with the originals. 2. I can scan each individual photo and document to create a digital book that can be printed. Either way is fine but I often ask what the clients plan on doing with the originals.

Many clients just want one copy because they know they are not going to do anything with the originals. The best protection for the items is to be in a book. That gives the archive the most probable chance of surviving and being preserved.

PSW: What is digitizing?

MM: Scanning and digitizing is the same thing, most of the books I create are large. Most are 12 x 12 or 14 x 14. They can’t be scanned in a typical scanner. I have a friend who is a product photographer and takes high quality photos. His studio is set up so that he can photograph each page which creates a digital image. I can then have a back up copy to send off to a book publisher or printer and have a copy made.

PSW: You have been in this business for a long time. From where you began to where you are now what has not worked and what have you learned from it?

MM: Needless to say I have had many failures. This is my first forte in owning a business. No one in my immediate family has ever owned a business. My great grandfather and his six brothers started a company back in the late 1800’s to early 1900’s. Other than that it’s been hit or miss on my side. I am primarily on my own. Because it is a new industry and concept even before I knew anything about the Association of Personal Historians I started Memories Out of the Box. There was no road map. There could be other companies out there that do the work I do but I can’t find them. There is one that is similar by a woman in Oregon. Also Taylor Whitney in Albany, NY. But no one does the visual story telling as I do.

My clients are not the type to send their precious items out to be organized/scanned so I decided to open an store in Brooklyn, NY that sold photo albums and scrapbooks and frames, I had classes, workshops and studio space for those who had these projects in mind but no room in their house. Some people worked with me on a coaching basis. I got great feedback from people in the area. As a result I got over 400 email addresses. If I got a nickel for every time I was told this store is a great idea I would be rolling in it now. I did acquire a great client who I still work with. I am working on book 9, 10 and 11.

Unfortunately, the store did not work out for various reasons like the economy and my lack of business experience. It was in essence a “failure”. So what did I learn from it. By living in this neighborhood for 20 years having a store increased my visibility and credibility. I was smart enough to adjust my path to continue the work that I do. Which is all I want to do. I did not give up. I continued to offer my services I learned I hate retail. I learned I can fail, learn from it and make better mistakes next time. I learned to take my financial life seriously. Being CFO of my financial life is new to me and I am learning to handle that.

PSW: Who would you say is the most interesting client you have ever had?

MM: This is a woman I met when I opened my store. She is like a hurricane and has a huge heart. She takes the time to sit down and really listens and connects with you . As I mentioned I am working on book 9, 10 and 11 for her. She inherited a box of stuff from her mother dating back to the 18 and 1900’s that I organized, curated and placed in a book. When her son was 13 I made a book for him. I have seen her family grow. I have taken trips with them, and she is welcoming, friendly, and trusting. She makes me feel I am part of that family and I really love that about her. Hopefully I will be there to do wedding albums for her sons and daughter as we move forward. It is wonderful to be a family’s visual narrator.

PSW: What advice would you like to pass on about having your own business and being a personal historian?

MM: First is you learn important things about yourself, deep things. Having your own business is not like having a job. It’s about starting and growing a business you believe in.

In terms of a personal history business there is no question that it is in the beginning stages and it will grow. We are the life story people after all.

I just connected with Story Corp. They say that they make recordings that go into the Library the Congress so your great great great grandchildren can listen to your story. Sadly I think this does not happen though because Story Corps doesn’t help the individuals preserve the DVD they are given &/or create a tradition that makes sure the family knows that this recording even exists. When I come across CD’s & DVD’s in the boxes I work with I make sure they are included in my end product and backed up in some way so these ancestral voices aren’t lost. Personal Historians are not only concerned about telling or recording stories but also about preserving them for future generations that know that they are there.

PSW: is there anything else you would like to add?

MM: I encourage everyone to check out our Show & Tell events. They are great opportunities to share lives and legacy. It’s a fun event. The events are free too.

Join us online:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/showandtellit
Meetup: http://www.meetup.com/Show-Tell-it/

PSW: Thank you Martie for sharing your world with us.

Martie is talented and generous with her expertise. Her visual narratives are unique and each one of her creations is one of a kind. She is passionate about everyone not leaving the story of their lives stuck in a box.

To find out more about Martie McNabb, her portfolio, the process she uses, adult show and tell events and her work go to: memoriesoutofthebox.com. (718) 398-1519 Prospect Heights, Brooklyn, NY

Honesty

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Honesty is painful.

Especially when you don’t want to hear it.

g. piazza

Codependents Compliance Patterns

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Codependents often…………

 

. are extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long

. compromise their own values and integrity to avoid rejection or anger

. put aside their own interest in order to do what others want

. are hyper-vigilant regarding the feelings of others and take on those feelings

. are afraid to express their beliefs, opinions, and feelings when they differ from those of others

. accept sexual attention when they want love

. make decisions without regard to the consequences

. give up their truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid change

from CODA>org

 

Codependents Low Self-Esteem Patterns

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Codependents often……….

 

. have difficulty making decisions

. judge what they think, say or do harshly, as never good enough

. are embarrassed to receive recognition, praise or gifts

. value others approval of their thinking, feelings, and behavior over their own

. do not perceive themselves as lovable or worthwhile persons

. seek recognition and praise to overcome feeling less than

. have difficulty admitting a mistake

. need to appear to be right in the eyes of others and may even lie to look good

. are unable to identify or ask for what they need and want

. perceive themselves as superior to others

. look to others to provide their send of safety

. have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines and completing projects

. have trouble setting healthy priorities and boundaries

from CODA.org

 

C. S. Lewis

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Friendship is born at that moment

when one person says to another:

“What you too? I thought I was the only one”.

C.S. Lewis

Relationship Truths – Marc Chernoff

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A good relationship happens when two people accept each other’s past, support each other’s present, and encourage each other’s future, without trying to micromanage any of part it. So don’t rush relationships, especially those that feel overbearing. Find a partner, and friends for that matter, who encourage you to grow, who won’t cling to you, who will let you go out into the world, and trust that you will come back. And always pay them the same courtesy.” By Marc Chernoff.

Thanks for reminding me!!!!!

Danielle LaPorte

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The journey to

sovereignty is

usually pretty messy.

Danielle LaPorte

12 Little Known Laws of Karma That Will Change Your Life

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What is Karma?

Karma is the Sanskrit word for action. It is equivalent to Newton’s law of ‘every action must have a reaction’. When we think, speak or act we initiate a force that will react accordingly. This returning force maybe modified, changed or suspended, but most people will not be able eradicate it.

This law of cause and effect is not punishment, but is wholly for the sake of education or learning.

A person may not escape the consequences of his actions, but he will suffer only if he himself has made the conditions ripe for his suffering. Ignorance of the law is no excuse whether the laws are man-made or universal.

To stop being afraid and to start being empowered in the worlds of karma and reincarnation, here is what you need to know about karmic laws.

1. THE GREAT LAW

– “As you sow, so shall you reap”. This is also known as the “Law of Cause and Effect”.
– Whatever we put out in the Universe is what comes back to us.
– If what we want is Happiness, Peace, Love, Friendship… Then we should BE Happy, Peaceful, Loving and a True Friend.

2. THE LAW OF CREATION

– Life doesn’t just HAPPEN, it requires our participation.
– We are one with the Universe, both inside and out.
– Whatever surrounds us gives us clues to our inner state.
– BE yourself, and surround yourself with what you want to have present in your Life.

3. THE LAW OF HUMILITY

– What you refuse to accept, will continue for you.
– If what we see is an enemy, or someone with a character trait that we find to be negative, then we ourselves are not focused on a higher level of existence.

4. THE LAW OF GROWTH

– “Wherever you go, there you are”.
– For us to GROW in Spirit, it is we who must change – and not the people, places or things around us.
– The only given we have in our lives is OURSELVES and that is the only factor we have control over.
– When we change who and what we are within our heart our life follows suit and changes too.
5. THE LAW OF RESPONSIBILITY

– Whenever there is something wrong in my life, there is something wrong in me.
– We mirror what surrounds us – and what surrounds us mirrors us; this is a Universal Truth.
– We must take responsibility what is in our life.

6.THE LAW OF CONNECTION

– Even if something we do seems inconsequential, it is very important that it gets done as everything in the Universe is connected.
– Each step leads to the next step, and so forth and so on.
– Someone must do the initial work to get a job done.
– Neither the first step nor the last are of greater significance,
– As they were both needed to accomplish the task.
– Past-Present-Future they are all connected…

7. THE LAW OF FOCUS

– You can not think of two things at the same time.
– When our focus is on Spiritual Values, it is impossible for us to have lower thoughts such as greed or anger.

8. THE LAW OF GIVING AND HOSPITALITY

– If you believe something to be true,then sometime in your life you will be called upon to demonstrate that particular truth.
– Here is where we put what we CLAIM that we have learned, into actual

9. PRACTICE. THE LAW OF HERE AND NOW

– Looking backward to examine what was, prevents us from being totally in the HERE AND NOW.
– Old thoughts, old patterns of behavior, old dreams…
– Prevent us from having new ones.

10. THE LAW OF CHANGE

– History repeats itself until we learn the lessons that we need to change our path.

11. THE LAW OF PATIENCE AND REWARD

– All Rewards require initial toil.
– Rewards of lasting value require patient and persistent toil.
– True joy follows doing what we’re suppose to be doing, and waiting for the reward to come in on its own time.

12. THE LAW OF SIGNIFICANCE AND INSPIRATION

– You get back from something whatever YOU have put into it.
– The true value of something is a direct result of the energy and intent that is put into it.
– Every personal contribution is also a contribution to the Whole.
– Lack luster contributions have no impact on the Whole, nor do they work to diminish it.
– Loving contributions bring life to, and inspire, the Whole.

From Spirit Science and Metaphysics

C. Hope Clark – Mystery Writer and Writing Entrepreneur

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c. hope clark image 3c. hope clark image 1c. hope clark image 2

 

I am a big fan of C. Hope Clark and have been following her for more than a year. Her newsletter is full advice for writers and includes 75+ paying opportunities in each issue. She is smart, savvy and prolific writer who’s life style and advice is both practical and timeless. She has graciously allowed me to interview her about her work and generously shares her ‘secrets’ to success.

C. Hope Clark was born and reared in the South, from Mississippi to South Carolina with a few stints in Alabama and Georgia. The granddaughter of a Mississippi cotton farmer, Hope holds a B. S. in Agriculture with honors from Clemson University and 25 years experience with the U.S. Department of Agriculture to include awards for her management, all of which enable her to talk the talk of Carolina Slade, the protagonist in most of her novels. Her love of writing, however, carried her up the ranks to the ability to retire young, and she left USDA to pen her stories and freelance.

Let’s Welcome C. Hope Clark.

1. As a successful writer and entrepreneur what have you learned about yourself in the way of your capabilities and creative evolution?

What a strong question! Actually, I’ve learned that I cannot ride on the waves of fads, and that all I accomplish is from my proactivity, not chance. My writing gets better because I fight to learn how to make it better. Every time I pick up my work, I study it for improvement. I read my genre intensely, seeking what makes for success in successful books. My promotion is only as good as I make it. Slow and steady actually can win the race. When I thought I could not keep going is when I made myself stay in front of the screen and work through it. But I am as good as I make myself. Worrying about the odds, or fearing rejection, or wondering if I can make a living at this, will only sap energy that  could be used in moving forward. I love to write. It’s as simple as that. So why should anything get in my way to do so?

2. Do you recommend writing about what you know and what you are interested in to put in a story or non fiction piece?

I believe in learning how to write before you get overly active moving outside your comfort zone with the material. That means in your early days, you write what you know until you’ve honed your voice. That way you’re not going nuts balancing finding the voice AND researching the material. Then as your writing grows, your research and subject stretch grows as well. Writing isn’t one of those endeavors you just decide to jump into and then see if you can swim. It’s a ladder, and you have to climb one rung at a time.

3. Was there ever a time where you wanted to give up and how did you keep going?

There were moments, and there still are moments. I had one just two weeks ago. Keep in mind that nobody really “arrives.” It’s a continual journey with no end. Everyone has bad days along that journey. Novels are draining and time consuming, and when readers don’t give reviews or the feedback is silent, you wonder if you’re scratching the surface and making any difference. Or pre-getting published, you wonder if you are wasting your time trying to be a writer. Happens to everyone. I think I kept going via stubbornness. I’ve always been a person who hated to be bested, hated failure. If I have a bad day, I make myself write through it. That’s what’s great about journaling or even blogging (if you don’t whine). Having shoulder of at least one person helps. They help put your irrational thoughts into  perspective.

4. How were you inspired to create FundsforWriters?

I went into FundsforWriters kicking and screaming, actually. I was writing mystery, hoping to leave the day job one day. But I was also freelancing, writing online, which in the late nineties, was a novel concept. Nobody understood that writing for the web and for print were entirely different. Somebody saw my name on a site, asked me to speak to their writer’s group. I did, and the subject morphed into a talk about writers being broke. In my day job, I managed an agency’s budget and had advised loan and grant clients, so I slid into my day-speak talking about earning money and managing it and how there were grants, contests and freelance markets for writers who were trying to write books. The emails started pouring in as a result, and I created a newsletter to answer all the questions once a week, so I could write my own work. The  readership exploded in a few months, then a year, to where it is now. I interpreted it as a higher power telling me to use what I know to get my foot in the door and my name known as a writer. It worked. FFW is now 15 years old and 40 plus thousand readers, and Writer’s Digest has selected it in its 101 Best Websites for Writers for the past 14 years.

5. What are the best ways to network and get the word out about ones work?

There is no best way. That’s what’s so great about this profession. It’s pure freelance and creativity, down to and including the promotion. If there was one best way, everyone would be doing it. You define your strengths, your writing goals, and your style, and then you set up the networking and promo. Because it’s not what you do but how intensely you do it. There are a lot of people going through the motions out there, but few show the passion. Passion is a drug, for the writer and the fans. Everyone wants a taste of it to feel more alive. So decide how you want to make a name for yourself and go at it like gangbusters. Stay hungry.

That said, everyone needs a home base online, and the way Facebook changes all the time, sabotaging how many of your fans can see your posts and vice versa, I suggest that home base not be social media. Website or blog. Where can people find out about you, and use that link in everything. And draw it up professionally. If your site and blog look cheap and homespun, guess what . . . that’s how your writing will be perceived.

But your personality and voice are as important as the quality of your writing. Be seen. Promote daily. I believe at least 25% of your writing time should be spent in marketing. Consider speaking. Guest blog. Respond with very intellectual, well-thought out responses on others blogs. Get busy in the forums about your genre (the readers, not the writers). It will feel like nothing is happening, and it might take a year or more, but you do it daily.

And word of mouth is so important. Don’t be afraid to admit you are a writer, and don’t be afraid to ask others to talk about you.

6. I understand Low Country Bribe is loosely based on your real life experiences and meeting and marrying your husband. That is really romantic. Are all your mysteries based on your personal experience?

No. That history was the catalyst for the series, but the rest of my fiction is just that, made up. Sure, I insert memories, experiences, pieces of friends and family in the mix, but that’s how any author writes. But I love it that people cannot tell the fact from the fiction. That means I’ve done my job well.

7. What is your typical day like?

I like my days loose, so they might change. The only thing that doesn’t change is that when I have ten minutes to write, promote or answer email, I am at the computer off and on day and night. I rise late, around 9-10 AM because I write into the night. I answer email (which takes a while) which might include interviews like this or doling advice to someone with a question or problem. I might work on the FFW newsletters. In the afternoon, I go to the gym, garden and/or tend my chickens. Then dinner, often on the back porch overlooking the lake with my husband and dachshunds. But then it’s back to work finishing work on FFW, marketing/social media, then at night I write fiction. Admittedly, I’m a mystery addict, so I have my certain TV shows where hubby and I try to dissect the stories. We compete on who can solve the crime first. But deep into the night, I write hard. How many words depends on whether I have a deadline, but do a lot of guest blogging (usually written in the day) and I’m trying to write two books a year now. Trying is the operative word there, because I haven’t quite met that goal yet.

I do this 7 days a week, but admittedly, my light day is Saturday. The newsletters are out and there’s less email, so I often work less those days.

8. Is there anyone who inspires your writing?

I love reading great writing, and I take notes all the time. I love all sorts of mystery writers, but the best overall writer whose prose I think sings is Pat Conroy. Other writers include Lee Child, Lisa Gardner, and whoever I’ve discovered lately. It’s a moving target. But I write my way, and I never keep someone in mind as an idol. I don’t want an idol. I want to just write better.

9. Are you working on anything new?

I am always working on something new. A serious writer ALWAYS has an active project. I just turned in a completed manuscript for a book coming out in September. I’m writing the first draft of the one behind it. I’ve outlined another to come behind that one. If you want to be a serious writer, you write all the time. Anyone waiting for the muse, or such bunk, is making excuses. Writing is a job, a profession. You don’t choose what days to go to work.

10. What advice would you like to share with new writers?

Get serious. Write daily. Fight to learn something new about writing constantly. Edit until your eyes bleed, then get others to edit your work after that. You are seeking perfection, though nobody ever achieves it. Readers can tell when you’ve invested yourself in your work. Each edited word matters. Writing is either a hobby or a profession, and there’s nothing wrong with either one. Just know that your success is contingent upon your focus, your time invested, and your goals, because it takes all three of those to make your writing better.
Thank you Hope for sharing the essence of your life and work ethics and dream of being a writer. You are certainly my inspiration.

Hope is a special person who has made it her burning desire to act on her dreams. That’s what life is all about. Hope barrels through any obstruction that gets in the way of her dream and is extremely successful at it. Hope has generously shared how she lives that dream. Take her advice seriously and you will be living your dream too.

To learn more about C. Hope Clark and her work visit these websites:
—www.fundsforwriters.com and www.chopeclark.com .
C. Hope Clark author of:
The Carolina Slade Mystery Series, Bell Bridge Books
http://www.chopeclark.com
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Editor, FundsforWriters, http://www.fundsforwriters.com
Writer’s Digest 101 Best Websites for Writers, 2001-2014