The next time you are waiting for anything, notice what you are wanting. This will be a source of your tension or impatience. All desire has fear built in – fear of not getting or losing, even before your desire is fulfilled.If you want to be free of fear and stress from your life, the secret is to want nothing, and then the magic happens. All that you need and more arrives in your life, at the right time, in the right way.
by: Thought For Today
Bam. Wait, what just happened? You find yourself being dumped and at first it’s impossible to believe. Your feelings are raw; it’s draining and painful. The tears don’t stop. The questions are endless. How did this happen? Whose fault is this? Did I miss something? Hold on a minute. Take a breath and read the following.
Relationships end for many reasons, it might be fear of intimacy, feeling vulnerable, don’t love the partner enough, using you for their own selfish reasons, or have other plans where you don’t fit into. There may be a need to step back, be objective and get clarity. Perhaps the relationship has lived out its usefulness.
The good news is that at some time or another everyone gets dumped. You will get over it. Here are a few practical steps to help you move on.
1. Don’t think you will never find love again – do you have a crystal ball?
2. Sit with and don’t react to the broken heart feelings – they will pass.
3. Talk it out with friends or a professional.
4. Even if you still like your ex do your best to cut all ties and move on otherwise you make a fool of yourself and continue to be used.
5. Insist on no more contact. That includes you, ex and the ex friends and family.
6. No stalking your ex in any way. Un-friend where necessary.
7. Give up being confused. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
8. Distract your obsessive thoughts with keeping busy, connecting with friends, cooking, working, writing, exercising, and conversations with your higher power.
9. Be very good to yourself. Do things you enjoy for a change.
10. Read or YouTube self-improvement and personal growth literature.
11. Watch funny movies, refuse to watch or read anything negative for a while. Especially those police shows that focus on extremely destructive relationships.
12. Find stuff to laugh at and lighten up. Stop all the seriousness.
It is definitely not the end of the world. Within a short time the painful feelings with start to go away. That’s guaranteed. You will move on and be free to find a terrific new relationship. Perhaps this time you will do the dumping. Just kidding.
So pick your self up, dust your self off and move up to better, healthier and supremely more satisfying relationships. Finally.
Are you a hostage to fear?
Some of the tell tale signs are procrastination, not speaking up, uncomfortable with change, don’t’ trust, I’m not good enough. The list goes on and on.
Fear is the biggest bubble where resistance lives. It’s fear of the unknown.
The cure: be willing to change the way you think. For example, faced with the unknown notice the feelings in your body and mind. Challenge any negative thoughts. Don’t make quick decisions. Wait and calm down first.
Muster up your self worth and the doors will fly open.
Happy flying.
I ran across the mention of a Tibetan yogini by the name of Machig Labdron. She lived in Tibet from 1055 CE to 1149 CE. You can Google her is you want to know more about her fascinating life. She is known for the following 5 sayings. To practice all of them covers just about every aspect of negativity that holds you back. If you practice them you will become brave and confident. Guaranteed.
1. Confess your hidden thoughts. (This is not the same as confessing to a priest. It is acknowledging what is bothering you. You can write or tell someone, it’s up to you).
2.Approach what you find repulsive. (For example, you see a dirty, homeless person and you are repulsed. Try looking at that person instead of ignoring them)
3.Help those you think you cannot help. (For example, speaking to someone who can’t help himself or herself like a struggling addict).
4.Anything you are attached to, give it back. (This means, instead of being so attached to something that it obstructs your life, let it go and trust that if its meant to stay it will).
5.Go to places that scare you. (That job interview, new places, eating alone in a restaurant, speaking up, the cemetery or any place that creeps you out. Not unsafe situations).
This practice is easier said than done most of the time. Because life has a way of keeping certain issues in front of you time and time again. Those issues will stay there until you face them. These sayings or method of eliminating stressful issues will work if you try them.
Happy hunting down those pesky stubborn issues that won’t go away and dissolving them.
I like 12 Step programs. They are healthy and a place to begin examining many damaging behaviors.
I bet you never heard of A.R.T.S. Anonymous. It is a 12 step program for artists. The word “artist” is used in the broadest sense to include anyone who is struggling with expressing your creativity. It could mean painter, writer, baker, seamstress and anyone who finds their creativity intertwined in their expression. As a creative person the craving for an outlet is always there and never goes away. But many artists avoid doing their work for many reasons. Mostly because of a trauma or fear. When you are not creating you are using something else to kill the aspiration to create.
A.R.T.S Anonymous is actually dealing with something positive. Our own creativity. In their literature I came across “Facing Avoidance: An Inventory of Attitudes and Beliefs About Doing Art”. There are over 70 questions that examine how we feel about doing art. For example: Am I willing to tolerate awkwardness, false starts, dry spells, and mistakes as part of the process? Do I hate myself when I avoid doing my art? Do I realize that inspiration is likely to come after I start working? That what I need will come to me when I need it if I make the effort?
On their website section: “Being Blocked” the very first sentence says “To be blocked is not truly an adult choice but the choice of a traumatized child who is determined to live their adult life safe from all harms. A child’s fears have imprisoned the adult”. These words really struck me as true because of my own experience in struggling with writing and painting. These fears are crippling at times. And quite incognito. Fear, many times, is invisible.
I get irritated when I read statements like: Just Do It, It’s mind over matter, Here’s the only method you will ever need to succeed. Because there is a river of deepness that is in our subconscious that needs a safe place to explore our expression of art.
Explore the A.R.T.S Anonymous website and read Steven Pressfield’s ” The War Of Art”. (I wrote about Pressfield’s book in my original Thoughtful Thursday post). Each venue will be an explosion of information and lead you to heal and express that which is uniquely you.
Happy exploring.
This is a very DIY (Do It Yourself)world. That’s kind of scary. What do I mean by that. Living and working used to fit into nice, comfy, predictable molds. All you had to do is find where you fit in. A company, a role, a field of interest. But all that has changed. Like it or not life and working has become a DIY project. For example: in today’s world the jobs that provided security are few and difficult to get and are their criteria is ever changing. Life styles are changing so fast that almost anything is acceptable as a new way of co-habitation. Which leads us to find alternate ways of living and working.
But what happens when Doing It Yourself is not clear. There are thousands of books to read and thousands of people who will try to help with their view of any given situation. It’s human nature to find a place to fit in. How about fitting in with a DIY culture. It’s a different and unclear way of finding your way until you have reached a destination just for you.
If you have expressed, in your world, that you want to be an artist, or baker or writer or a doctor or anthropologist or business owner and the reaction you get is negative.
STOP expressing those interests to those who are not willing to support you. FIND those who will support you. MOVE towards what you really want to do. DON’T waste precious time looking for approval from those who have no idea or interest in who you are. That includes family, teachers, bosses, friends or anyone who is clueless about you. Do It Yourself means to Be Yourself Always.
It won’t be easy until you Do Your Own Life. Decide to have your own life and wish well to those who are not on the same path as you. You will end up being an inspiration to the naysayers. You will finally respect yourself and others will respect your for having the courage to create your own life. You will end up making your own kind of security and life style extraordinaire. And be truly happy.
Happy Doing It Yourself and Being Yourself.
Expectations:
I’ve always disagreed with the expression ” Have no expectations of anyone and you won’t be disappointed” because it sounds so strange. It doesn’t make sense. How can you not have expectations of anyone? That expression would mean never expect the bank teller to get your deposit right. Or not expecting to trust a doctor with your health. But I have recently changed my mind because now I understand the expression a little more deeply. This expression means not to have any expectation of a person to be anything but themselves.
For example, let’s say you know someone who is a thief and a liar. You leave this person alone with your purse and your wallet disappears. You ask where your wallet is and this person lies saying that he/she doesn’t know where your wallet is. Here’s where the expectation comes in. You expected this person to be trustworthy when you knew, on some level, that this person is not trustworthy. This is where disappointment comes in. You forgot the true character of this person. This person is a thief and liar. Unless by some miracle this person changes his/her character all actions will remain that of a thief and liar.
Simply put, don’t expect others to be anything other than who they are and you won’t be disappointed.
It’s good to be hopeful that people are basically good and well intentioned because you can expect the the bank teller and doctor will do their best for you. However, some people are not. It takes time to really get to know who you are dealing with. It’s safer to be detached and slowly get to know the other person.
There is no magic formula to protect yourself from those who are untrustworthy. It is risky to trust others. Sometimes we are desperate to trust someone. But using the skills of detachment, objectivity and trusting your gut will help in deciding if someone is trustworthy. And don’t let fear of being taken advantage of stop you from trusting. Most interactions with others are just fine. But the minute you see or feel something is not right, get out of the situation quickly. Trust yourself first and you will ultimately find the truth of anything.
Peace.
It takes an enormous amount of effort to get out of the denial of how we sabotage ourselves. Some sabotage is visible but most is invisible. In psychology it is understood that there is a need to stay unaware of uncomfortable situations. The need to stay unaware has many reasons. I think it’s the lizard mind protecting us. But when denial becomes a pathological blinding force that interferes with progressing in your life it’s time to step back and examine what is going on. Do you feel chronic sadness or feeling you are trying to punch your way out of a paper bag and nothing ever changes?
That is all fear. Fear of anything you can name that frightens you. It’s too hard and scary to see past fear.
Actually if you are not being physically threatened then fear is a paper tiger. It’s only the thought that you experience not an actual event. The mind does not know the difference of a thought or actual event. However the better part of you does know.
Speak up to fear and challenge it. You will see it has no power. How about practicing a little courage. Just a little. Think about what it would be like to have any life you choose. Even that’s scary. So what is one to do.
Pick yourself up, detach from fear and keep going even if you aren’t sure where that is. You will find your way and be happy in the process.
Happy hunting.
Informing Providers, Empowering Survivors
FEEL FREE - just sharing what moves through me
For your stitching adventures!
...making the business of marketing and licensing for creators understandable, achievable and affordable.
My art, writing and mental health stuff. Hope it helps.
The latest news on WordPress.com and the WordPress community.
WEE FOLK STUDIO
All things holly, jolly, and odd-ly...
A journey to healing from complex trauma.
NO SECRETS-NO SIDES | निर्गुह्य-निष्पक्ष | NIRGUHYA-NISPAKSA
Informing Providers, Empowering Survivors
FEEL FREE - just sharing what moves through me
For your stitching adventures!
...making the business of marketing and licensing for creators understandable, achievable and affordable.
My art, writing and mental health stuff. Hope it helps.
The latest news on WordPress.com and the WordPress community.
WEE FOLK STUDIO
All things holly, jolly, and odd-ly...
A journey to healing from complex trauma.
NO SECRETS-NO SIDES | निर्गुह्य-निष्पक्ष | NIRGUHYA-NISPAKSA
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