Tag Archives: emotional pain

Aug19

How To Survive Getting Dumped

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Bam. Wait, what just happened? You find yourself being dumped and at first it’s impossible to believe. Your feelings are raw; it’s draining and painful. The tears don’t stop. The questions are endless. How did this happen? Whose fault is this? Did I miss something? Hold on a minute. Take a breath and read the following.

Relationships end for many reasons, it might be fear of intimacy, feeling vulnerable, don’t love the partner enough, using you for their own selfish reasons, or have other plans where you don’t fit into. There may be a need to step back, be objective and get clarity. Perhaps the relationship has lived out its usefulness.

The good news is that at some time or another everyone gets dumped. You will get over it. Here are a few practical steps to help you move on.

1. Don’t think you will never find love again – do you have a crystal ball?
2. Sit with and don’t react to the broken heart feelings – they will pass.
3. Talk it out with friends or a professional.
4. Even if you still like your ex do your best to cut all ties and move on otherwise you make a fool of yourself and continue to be used.
5. Insist on no more contact. That includes you, ex and the ex friends and family.
6. No stalking your ex in any way. Un-friend where necessary.
7. Give up being confused. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
8. Distract your obsessive thoughts with keeping busy, connecting with friends, cooking, working, writing, exercising, and conversations with your higher power.
9. Be very good to yourself. Do things you enjoy for a change.
10. Read or YouTube self-improvement and personal growth literature.
11. Watch funny movies, refuse to watch or read anything negative for a while. Especially those police shows that focus on extremely destructive relationships.
12. Find stuff to laugh at and lighten up. Stop all the seriousness.

It is definitely not the end of the world. Within a short time the painful feelings with start to go away. That’s guaranteed. You will move on and be free to find a terrific new relationship. Perhaps this time you will do the dumping. Just kidding.

So pick your self up, dust your self off and move up to better, healthier and supremely more satisfying relationships. Finally.

Jul11

Thoughtful Thursdays #24

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I realized that I have no enemies, only teachers. Each perceived enemy, obstacle and unnerving situation is a growth spurt in the timeline of my life. Each seeming bad person, organization or situation is really the wonderful opportunity to participate in having things fall apart right in front of me and participating in pulling them back together again.

We do ourselves a great injustice by not looking at uneasy situations as a teaching. By looking at it as a teaching we will not run away or look for an escape. Instead we can be objective, be in the moment and in an instant the situation comes into perspective and passes in its own time.

Here are some suggestions for dealing with things that are not working:

1. Stop your mind from racing
2. Be objective
3. Don’t look for an escape
4. Even if you are terrified stay in the moment
5. Respect yourself by having the courage to be still
6. Notice your feelings and thoughts but don’t react to them
7. Finally, just let go

Most of the time our days ordinary. On those days we can practice doing the things that make us happy inside of us not outside of us.

Know that everyday is a chance to change, to make choices, and move into a position of personal strength. So when bad things happen you won’t be so derailed. Learning to be calm in the face of adversity takes time. Don’t be disappointed if it doesn’t happen right away. Life will always help you by putting these nasty situations in front of us until we learn not to run away.

If I haven’t convinced you and you still want to run away then start jogging.

You are stronger than you think.

Jun27

Thoughtful Thursdays #22

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Words – they can make you or break you. Words can uplift and destroy, create goodness and damnation, get you what you want or push it away.

Words are wonder and horror. Withholding words is depressing and dangerous and make you cry and cringe.

Words unexpressed, unsaid, untold, unwritten are a cancerous sore oozing to be placed where they belong.

Words look for a home. In a heart, in an ear, in the air, on paper, on a sidewalk, on the radio, on the TV, in a song, on a billboard, even T-shirts.

Where do your words belong? Are they good? Are they hurtful? Are your words generous with praise? Did you choose your words carefully to unearth a misunderstanding? Did your words help you grow? Did your words help someone else?

Words are as important as water because of the weight they carry. Without words we become dry and brittle and unable to communicate our needs and desires. Words create smoothness. Words create trust, insight, understanding, and clarity. The way a river moves quickly so words quickly move our lives.

Today choose your words carefully because they can change the course of your life forever.

Will your words be wonderful or wicked?

Jun20

Thoughtful Thursdays #21

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I smell liar and backstabber, and sneakiness in the air. When that smell gets on a person it never goes away. Has anyone lied to you and back-stabbed you? They smell really bad, don’t they? Rest easy it happens to everyone at sometime or another. Let’s say the damage is done, this person you trusted pulled the rug right out from under you. Turned others against you. Slam, splat your life has just melted into warm Jell-O. This person will not communicate or answer any questions. Just turned their back on you. Walked away, smug and strangely entertained by your reactions. You didn’t know they were using you. You were honest and helping and trusting. Their motives were hidden. This person has some definite sociopath issues. Unfeeling, unaware of what their actions did to you. What’s the next step?

1.Damage control. Stop all communication with this person and anyone who might be on their side.

2. Assess the damage. Such as, find out what they might be saying or doing that involves you. Take necessary steps to stop it.

3. Take time away from the situation. Go for a walk. Talk it out, write it out. Take care of yourself first.

4. Be as objective as possible. As time goes on clarity will reveal the truth and the next step. Be as unemotional as possible. It’s OK to feel, but too much emotions muddies up clarity.

5. Time will pass and the situation and damage will end.

6. Keep the focus on your own self-improvement. This helps move your life forward by maturing and getting smarter about relationships.

Sorry for the pain. But you are a better person than that bad smelling one. And besides, if someone feels the need to tear you down, best you know you are already above him or her.

Happy improving.

Apr28

Ending Relationships

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What a touchy subject. Sometimes we end relationships or the other ends relationships. The relationship could be personal or casual or business. Either way its difficult. Emotions are usually raw especially if the ending is unexpected. Actually even if it is remotely expected the end still hurts. I wouldn’t even begin to say ” I know what you are going through because I went through it too” ( I have been through it many times) because reactions are as unique as the individuals involved. But there are some common characteristics in each ending.

Endings are:
Sad, Mad, Angry, Heavy, overwhelming.
A sudden growth spurt in letting go.
About growing up.
A show of strength and character.
Not the end of the world even it may seem so.
Endings are about closure on the stuff you don’t need.
It’s a time out to examine what happened.
About learning detachment.
Take a look at what worked and leave the rest.

I’m sure there may be more but in the end the bad time is guaranteed to pass. It may pass quick or slow. But it will pass. A page in your life will turn. There will be many pages turned because change is part of life. So let time pass, seek out supportive people, read encouraging literature, and do whatever it takes to heal.

Peace

Aug7

The Human Heart

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The human heart is so easily broken. All it takes is one unjustified surprise to break it. Hearts can destroy just as easy as build. It’s wonder how one heart can even exist in a world of pain.

Sometimes our own fear takes over and it seems nothing is working.

The remedy: Stop the thinking. Detach and be very objective. Get a good nights sleep, get quiet, be very good to yourself and your knowing will kick in. Knowing the next step and the restoration of your peace of mind