Category Archives: Writing

May14

Thoughtful Thursdays #93 Success

Posted on by
Standard

My definition of success is different from your definition of success.

Perhaps you want financial success, or health success or relationship success. What ever it is you want there is one truth that applies to all success.

You have to be willing to make effort in transformation.

Transforming your self means to change. Change is not easy. We naturally resist change even when it is good for us.

Success is guaranteed by steady transforming actions. Learning from each situation will slowly bring success. Taking risks will bring success.  Getting out of your comfort zone will bring success.

The willingness to hold your own hand in personal transformation will bring success. Looking negativity in the eye will bring success.

Define your idea of success and bring up what needs to be transformed.

Be the creature you want to be. Go ahead, it won’t hurt. A little scary maybe but what you become will out weight any fear you have been holding.

Happy transformation.

 

 

May5

Out Of Your Comfort Zone

Posted on by
Standard

Every now and then something comes into our lives to question everything we believe.

The ending of a relationship, loss of a job, falling in love, illness and you can add many more to the list.

Big changes are  really uncomforable emotionally and we want the pain to stop now, right now.

At times like these we can fall back into old patterns of denial, addictions, anger, self centeredness and running away.

We can hide behind religion, fake self righteous beliefs or hide behind anything outside of our unease. We can fight for things to stay the same.

As you are being pushed out of your comfort zone there is a message from the pain.

Everything changes,

We are not meant to stay stagnant.

We are meant to grow.

Hence the reason for the upset. Life is movement and changes all the time.

You are meant to be happy and grow. Life is designed for that. You have the freedom to do as you wish.

We all  have responsibilites and the problem of fitting in the world to feel safe. The truth is you have made choices that put you where you are.

You can choice differently. It won’t be easy but it will equip you with deep understanding of yourself.  In turn you will understand others and be a better human citizen. You will be put in your rightful place in your world.

Go ahead,

choose one small thing

and change it.

May4

Your Very Own Super Powers

Posted on by
Standard

I bet you didn’t know that you have super powers.

You have the power to not let anything disturb you.

You have the power to go with the flow of life.

You have the power to see an obstacle as a stepping stone.

You have the power to discern what is true and what is false.

You have the power to walk away.

You have the power to create the life you want.

Go on and do what it takes to make a wonderful life.

You are a superhero.

May3

Death

Posted on by
Standard

From Pema Chrodon

Death is Certain

The hour of Death is not Certain

Pick what is Important

May2

Uncertainity

Posted on by
Standard

There is a huge amount of uncertainty in living.

In a moment your life can change for better or worse.

Sometimes there are situations beyond our control.

Uncontrollable situations arise out of nowhere sending us into despair.

Even if the situation is painful,

space is being made for something better.

Space is being made for insight, intuition and understanding.

Go gently.

Align yourself with what is important to you.

You will find your way.

May1

Fear

Posted on by
Standard

The places that scare you are not meant to hurt you.

Fear is meant to get your attention.

For example, worry and procrastination are forms of fear. Find a way to detach from the worry and procrastination. Detach emotionally, be an observer.

In that place you will find the lie that you are not good enough.

Don’t believe lies because they come from fear.

Face the fear and move in any direction that will help you be the person you are most happy to be.

 

Apr30

Thoughtful Thursdays #91 Arguing With Yourself

Posted on by
Standard

Are you unhappy with what is happening at the moment or events that have happened in the past?

That is arguing with yourself.

Frustrated and overreacting with everyday dramas?

That is arguing with yourself.

Are you over thinking, feeling stuck and have racing thoughts?

That is arguing with yourself.

Worried, fearful, stinking thinking?

That is arguing with yourself.

The antidote:

Accept what is going on right now without judgement.

There really is nothing in your current circumstances

that can stop you from making the changes you need to make to be happy.

Stop arguing with yourself.

Apr16

Thoughtful Thursdays # 90 – The Voices In Your Head

Posted on by
Standard

There is one voice in your head which is the one that is constantly chatting, has racing thoughts and is fatality minded.  It’s the voice that can send you from the highest hopes to the deepest despair.  The voice in your head will automatically default to what is negative. Especially when things are going good.

But it is not you.

There is another voice in your head that is barely audible. It is drowned out by the chatting and racing thoughts etc. We can’t hear it because we don’t listen for it. This is the real you.

How can we observe what we are thinking to get clarity?

Detach from your thoughts and feelings and observe them. Thoughts are like waves in an ocean. Waves rise, crest and crash on the shore. Let your thoughts rise but don’t react to them. Let them crest observing them. Let them crash out of your consciousness.  Let them go without judgement.

Then relax. Take a breath.

In the action of daily activities this may not be possible. There are ways of carving out time for getting in touch with the quiet voice.

Meditate, go for a walk, exercise, do art, write, do something that is not part of your regular routine.

You will know that you are making progress when you feel at peace.

Happy Listening!

 

 

 

Mar29

Waking Up

Posted on by
Standard

Waking up to who we are is too important to ignore.

In Buddhism and psychology there is a method of healing that is easy in theory but difficult to do, unless you have trust.

I recently had some recurring flashbacks from the past. These feelings were a mystery that I have had since I was a child. My body felt like it was stinging. My mind was racing with desperation and longing, unidentifiable restlessness. I couldn’t put my finger on it. It was such a familiar feeling full of pain, hot tears and wanting an end to the pain.

I got still and trusted myself enough to be quiet and detached.

I let my mind go to that dark place where these feelings began and I had  a revelation that the feelings I relived were of abandonment. On a gut level I knew I was revisiting trauma from the past in what seems to be many years ago and almost an eternity ago. The memories flooded my mind. All the poor decisions based on my abandonment issues saturated my being. I understood how abandonment effected me. How abandonment was pervasive. I was not sad, just relived. I was fortunate enough to trust myself to sit with the feelings without running away from them.

Not running away from my feelings was the perfect way to get through the things that were holding me back on a very deep level.

Conclusion: Trust your mind it knows what it needs to heal.

 

 

 

Feb22

Jessica Whitley-Aquatics Director and Head Swim Coach at John Jay College of Criminal Justice

Posted on by
Standard

jessica john jay picture

I would like you to meet Jessica Whitley. I have known her for quite a few years now, as my daughters swim coach at her alma mater John Jay College of Criminal Justice. Jessica is a dedicated coach and director, she has motivated many teams, my daughters included, to win college championships and serious college competitions. She builds the all girls swim team to understand what it means to be a team and work together to be winners in the pool and out of the pool. She also maintains a professional and positive attitude with the team that the team absorbs.

Jessica has such a positive attitude and a superior motivator that after graduation my daughter joined her as assistant coach.

Let’s get to know Jessica better.

PSW: How did you become a college swim coach?

JW: Nothing quite beats the thrill of a competitive swim race! I am a former swimmer who decided to become a coach after calling time on my competitive career.

Becoming a college swim coach was not on my radar until I attended John Jay College for my master’s degree. I met Dr. Jane Katz poolside, where I lifeguarded a few hours per week. Suddenly, Dr. Katz husband passed away and she had to take a leave of absence. The head of the physical education department read through my resume and wanted me to take over her college swimming classes as well as coach the swim team.

After meeting the very few ladies on the team, it amazed me to see that the swimmers were able to attend full time school, have a full time job and support their families at home. Coaching is more than telling the athletes to complete practices and swim fast at meets, it is about the coach believeing in the athletes so they feel important and appreciated. I quickly realized that my knowledge of swimming and being a Seton Hall Graduate can really make an impact these your athletes in a positive way. I decided to commit myself to the team members and make them understand that swimming well guide them to a successful careet, structure their lives, and their therapy when they need it.

PSW: How long have you been a college coach?

JW: I am in my 8th season now.

PSW: What is your day like?

JW: My day starts at 4:15 am. I reside in PA so it takes me about an hour and a half to get to work. I start at 6-6:15 and begin planning for the day. Practice is from 8 to 10 am. I am also the Aquatics Director so I maintain, schedule and operate the pool. I have a lifeguard and staff of 7 that I scheducle and train.

PSW: What are your job duties?

JW: Women’s Swim Team Coach responsibilities are:  team training and the focal point for all new activities.

I work extensive hours to coordinate all team practices and clinics.

Collect and summarize team statistics and attend numerous away clinics to gain more knowledge.

As Aquatics Director I manage the pool facility, oversee the pool, lockers and deck area, Oversee a staff of seven. Plan and host events that occur in the pool area.

PSW: What are the challenges of being a college swim coach?

JW: The challenges of being a college swim coach are the athletes not buying into my program and not seeing the benefits right away. I have to gain their trust and let them know that there will be a positive outcome throughout and at the end of the season.

My yearly goal is to have 100% success rate both in the pool and in the classroom. With hard work and support, the athletes will see a major difference from start to finish.

PSW: What are the benefits?

JW: There are so many! Here’s a list:

The swimmers are happy
They commit and stick to the program
Their grades improve
Their swim times improve
Their life imporves
Their communication improves
Their dedication improves
They gain confidence, structure, organization skills

PSW: Are there opportunities for advancement?

JW: There are many opportunities for advancement. I started as a lifeguard, became an Adjunct Professor and Head Coach, moved up to Aquatics Director and Head Coach. There are always opportunities at any workplace, you just work hard and prove that you are doing your job and doing it well.

PSW: Do you have any hobbies?

JW: I do like to run. Ever since I completed my four years as a college athlete, I enjoy running. I also play with my dogs and cats. I am a family person and enjoy being in my new home with the people I love.

PSW: Describe your team assistants and team members?

JW: My team assistants are my former 4 year athletes. I put them on staff because I realized how dedicated they were to the sport. They proved themselves being on my team for 4 years. They are my co-coaches and my support. I always tell them “a head coach is only as good as their assistants.” I trust my assistants to run everything. If I cannot be present, they will take over practice and/or meets efficiently. My assistants have shown me their drive and their commitment to the team. They have been with me for three years now and the team has strengthened because of them

My team members are students. They enter college struggling (all students do at any college) and learn how to organize structure and gain strength to complete a four year degree. They are hard workers, exceptional students and great athletes.

PSW: Are there any special rules to be in a team?

JW: Yes, you must be a full time student. You must swim a 50 (2 laps) freestyle under 45 seconds. You must be able to commit to all practices and meets. You must have a yearly physical done. You must keep your GPA above 2.0.

PSW: Do you have any advice to those who want to be a college swim coach?

JW: My advice, for any job, would be to set a goal and complete that goal. A realistic goal is important. Pay attention to your strengths and weaknesses and focus on improving both. Fight for what you want in life and never, ever give up. With or without support, you can meet your goals. Surround yourself with people who are positive and continue to be who you are and be open to critiques. No one is perfect.

PSW: Thank you so much Jessica. I especially like your advice of fighting for what you want in life and never, ever give up, with or without support. And be open to critiques because no one is perfect.

Jessica Whitley is a role model for anyone who wants to advance in both their career and life. Jessica teaches all who come into her world how to be better than before. Her enthusiam, dedication and care is rare. She is an exceptional teacher and wonderful human being.

I hope Jessica Whitley is an inspiration to you and you will take some of her advice to change your life.

Her contact information is jkolackovsky@jjay.cuny.edu