Tag Archives: resistance

Thomas J. Watson

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“Would you like me to give you a formula for success? It’s quite simple, really. Double your rate of failure. You are thinking of failure as the enemy of success. But it isn’t at all. You can be discouraged by failure or you can learn from it, So go ahead and make mistakes. Make all you can. Because remember that’s where you will find success.” ~Thomas J. Watson

Your Tribe

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When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks,

but celebrate them with

glad cries of “Me, too”

be sure you cherish them.

because those weirdos are

your tribe.

Sweatpants and Coffee

What’s Normal??????

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The day I broke up with normal,

was the first day

of my magical life.

The Mind Unleashed

Deborah Perham – Personal Historian Par Excellence

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Deborah Perham\

 

Please welcome Deborah Perham from A Lifetime Legacy. Deborah is a family and personal historian based in Suffolk County, Long Island, NY. Her specialty is preserving personal legacies in the form of memoir writing classes, narrated slide shows, video biographies, treasured family recipe books, and online pet tributes for your favorite pet.

Personal History writing has been around for some time now but not many are familiar with it.

Personal Historians are professionals who help people record their life stories in some permanent form such as Deborah’s products. These stories can be as brief as a birth record or as elaborate as stories covering multiple generations, with everything in between such as a religious celebration, wedding or graduation.

PurelySimpleWords (PSW): Thank you Deborah for allowing me to tell my audience about your interesting work.

Deborah Perham (DP): You are welcome. I am honored to be here.

PSW: I was reading your website and you have a talent for putting a legacy together that puts validation to people’s lives. Tell me about your work.

DP: Well, in the early 80’s I started a court reporting agency because I was very attracted to law. I am also attracted to storytelling. It was a way to combine two of my passions. My maternal grandmother always told me stories of her life. I didn’t know why she told me these stories that happened long before I was born. As a young adult, I learned why. In the 50’s my maternal grandmother lost all her photographs in a basement flood, so throughout her life she mourned the loss of those photographs and told stories of her life to compensate for that loss. As I got older I began recording both my grandmothers’ stories because they were both very dear to me, and their stories intrigued me.

The court reporting business is about listening to peoples’ stories of an event in their life, whether it’s a slip and fall or motor vehicle accident, construction accident, medical malpractice event. I did this for 32 years until an opportunity presented itself, by surprise, to sell my business, which I did. At that time I found myself with lots of time on my hands. My husband’s job requires him to travel many weeks a year, and my three children were away at college.

I decided it was a perfect time to reinvent myself. I certainly did not have another thirty years to work the same way I did in my last profession, so instead of a complete reinvention, I examined what skills I have and what I enjoy doing. What am I completely passionate about. I am very sentimental and thought often of my grandmother mourning the loss of her photographs. I had been my family’s self-appointed family genealogist. Sometimes I would work on our family tree search and find a lot of information, at other times I would hit a brick wall.

I found people from the 1600’s, 1700’s and 1800’s, and as I was searching, this quote would always resonate with me, “We are the result of the love of thousands.” Which led me to wonder: Who are these people? Who am I result of? Why do I do what I do? Why do I say what I say? Who am I and how did I get here today? My descendants and their lives were a complete mystery, yet all these people played a part in me becoming the person I am today.. I would wonder about “Uncle Earl” from the 1600s and know his story was gone forever.

These questions led me to discover the Association of Personal Historians and also the International Association of Story Keepers. These two organizations provide wonderful opportunities to learn about the field of personal history preservation.

Through my reinvention journey, I read about studies that illustrate the effect reminiscing has on individuals. We become more understanding people; we become kinder to strangers. I also came to realize that sharing family stories with children, stories about where they came from, and them being able to attach themselves to events in history, make them more grounded as young adults. It helps them make better decisions in life. For example: my children are now in their 20’s, and I find that by my sharing family stories with them, they have a sense of where and who they came from, and with that knowledge, they naturally became proud of their heritage and the ancestors who came before them.

It became clear to me that I wanted to work with families, individuals, companies, organization and communities to understand where they began, and to teach them the importance of knowing and preserving that information.

Basically this is how and why I decided to become a personal historian. I always enjoyed helping people, and I have taken that passion and the skills I have learned through my years of memorializing stories in my prior court reporting profession and reinvented myself as a personal historian. I do this through memoir writing, oral history slideshows, and most recently video biographies, all privately or in workshop settings.

I am also thankful to the wonderful mentors I had when I first started. They helped me on my way to my early professional career. So as a thank you to them, I mentor and teach others how to preserve their story.

PSW: I can see you put a lot of time and effort into your passion. It comes out in your website and in the way you speak so passionately about your work. Can you tell me about the difference between starting a business in the 80’s and starting one now?

DP: Starting a business in the early 80’s was so different than it is now. We used to cold call, and really had no need to get to know clients in a personal way, nor did clients need to know us. To get a job was easy, solely based on your resume and a brief interview. Jobs were plentiful then. Now it’s different. With technology available today, you can find anything out about anyone. Countless resources are available. Competition is fierce. But now it’s all about networking. People want to work with others who are not only skilled but who are people they enjoy working with. The personal historian profession lends itself to a diverse population, some historians are very old souls and that has nothing to do with age. I always meet interesting and fascinating people who keep amazing me with their stories.

PSW: Your life and work have their own unique story and it has led you to be a creative personal historian. You will do very well. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me and the audience and it is my hope that you find many more clients to help. Good luck.

DP: Thank you, it was my pleasure.

 

To learn more about Deborah’s work visit her website: alifetimelegacy.com”

 

 

Friedrich Nietzche

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That which does not kill us

makes us stronger.

Friedrich Nietzche

David Richo – The Life Span of a Feeling

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Here’s and excerpt from David Richo’s book: ” The Five Things We Cannot Change.”

“Fear of feelings bottlenecks us. We fear that a feeling may possess us and never calm down. Actually, a feeling wants to be over and done with. Feelings, like everything else in life, are ever-changing and impermanent.”

“This is how the cycle of a complete feeling experience flows through us:

A stimulus – arousal of a feeling – showing the feeling – cooling down – a calm openness to what may come next as we get on with life – readiness for the next stimulus and beginning again.”

I am paraphrasing the next three sentences.

We avoid feelings by numbing ourselves with busy – ness, alcohol, drugs, food or any other addiction.

Having more than one feeling come up at one time is common. Depending upon the level of grief there may never be a resolution.

So what is the next step. According to Richo it is to roll with the feeling. Don’t stop yourself from feeling anything.

I completely agree and add that feelings are your guideposts to healing. If you squash your feelings they will end up consuming you whether you like it or not. Give your feelings their space so they can express themselves. Let feelings do their job or they will interrupt your life until you do give them attention. Feelings bring you face to face with your deepest longing, wants, wishes, requests, cravings, needs, fears and yearning.

At some point you will recognize what your next step is. The next step is the one that will make you grow as a person. That’s a general statement but in your heart you will know what you need to do.

Go ahead, take that first scary step. You will not crumble.

You will thrive.

 

 

 

Frustration

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How to deal with frustration in one easy step.

Take action in any direction.

Even if you are not sure where you are going.

g.piazza

Caring

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When someone really cares about you,

They make an effort,

Not an excuse.

Powerplug

Crisis and Benefit

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Sorry for the long silence but I had crisis after crisis.  What I mean buy that is my computer, cell phone and car all broke down at the same time.

Other garden variety problems came up too. Like my attitude towards the things I could not control. I began to get so stressed and unhappy I was a walking basket of negativity. It started with negative self talk of put downs and a pity party. Poor Me, Why Me, etc.

When I realized I was just adding to my own misery I stopped and started looking for what was good and what action I could take.

First, after putting the car in the shop the mechanic told me it was the recently replaced alternator that was under warranty which was replaced at no charge.

Second, my friend rebuilt my computer tower for less than two hundred dollars.

Third, my cell phone is being replaced.

After I calmed down and took one tiny action instead of hiding from each crisis all worked out fine.  And that is good.

So what’s the take away here. Keep moving, don’t isolate, any action is the right action.

Phew, glad it’s over.

Has a crisis hit you lately? Good. Don’t hide from any thing that challenges you because you are  strong and clever enough to sail through it. Keep going you will make it.

 

 

 

 

 

Peter Russell – Praying To One’s Self

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friend recently asked if I ever prayed for anything. My response was yes, but not in the conventional way. I don’t pray for intervention in the world, but for intervention in my mind, for that’s where I most need help.

We usually think of prayer as an appeal to some higher power. We might pray for someone’s healing, for success in some venture, for a better life, or for guidance on some challenging issue. Behind such prayers is the recognition that we don’t have the power to change things ourselves—if we did, we would simply get on with the task—so we beseech a higher power to intervene on our behalf.

Trying to change the world occupies much of our time and attention. We want the possessions, opportunities, or experiences that we think will make us happy—or conversely, avoid those that will make us suffer. We believe that if only things were different we would finally be at peace.

This is the ego’s way of thinking. It is founded on the belief that how we feel inside depends upon our circumstances. And if things aren’t the way we think they should be, we start to feel discontent. This can take various forms—disappointment, frustration, annoyance, impatience, judgment, grievance—yet whatever its form, the root of our discontent lies not so much in the situation at hand, but more in how we interpret it. For example, if I am stuck in a traffic jam, I can see it either as something that will make me suffer—being late for an appointment, missing some experience, or upsetting someone—and so begin to feel impatient, frustrated, or anxious. Or I can see it as an opportunity to relax, and take it easy for a few minutes. The same situation; two totally different reactions. And the difference is purely in how I am seeing things.

When I catch myself feeling upset in some way, I find it helpful to remember that my annoyance might be coming from the way I am interpreting the situation. If so, it makes more sense to ask, not for a change in the world, but for a change in my perception. So that is what I pray for. I settle into a quiet state, then ask, with an attitude of innocent curiosity: “Could there, perhaps, be another way of seeing this?” I don’t try to answer the question myself, for that would doubtless activate the ego-mind, which loves to try and work things out for me. So I simply pose the question. Let it go. And wait.

Often a new way of seeing then dawns on me. It does not come as a verbal answer, but as an actual shift in perception. I find myself seeing the situation in a new way. One memorable shift happened a while ago when I was having some challenges with my partner. She was not behaving the way I thought she should. (How many of us have not felt that at times?) After a couple of days of strained relationship, I decided to pray in this way, just gently inquiring if there might possibly be another way of perceiving this.Almost immediately, I found myself seeing her in a very different light. Here was another human being, with her own history and her own needs, struggling to navigate a difficult situation. Suddenly everything changed. I felt compassion for her rather than animosity, understanding rather than judgment. I realized that for the last two days I had been out of love; but now the love had returned.

The results of praying like this never cease to impress me. I find my fears and grievances dropping away. In their place is a sense of ease. Whoever or whatever was troubling me, I now see through more loving and compassionate eyes. Moreover, the new perspective often seems so obvious: Why hadn’t I seen this before?

The beauty of this approach is that I am not praying to some external power. I am praying to my self for guidance—to the true self that sees things as they are without the overlay of various hopes and fears. It recognizes when I have become caught in the ego’s way of thinking, and is ever-willing to help set me free.