Tag Archives: dysfunction

Thoughtful Thursday – #248 – The Solution for Trauma Recovery

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Trauma recovery is my favorite subject. Mostly because I have experienced it for many years. Here are some characteristics of victims of  dysfunctional upbringing. This includes dealing with alcoholics and the mentally ill.

Janet G. Woititz, PhD wrote the book for Adult Children of Alcoholics in 1983 and in her book she lists the following.

  • Guess at what normal behavior is
  • Have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end
  • Lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth
  • Judge themselves without mercy
  • Have difficulty having fun
  • Take themselves very seriously
  • Have difficulty with intimate relationships
  • Overreact to changes over which they have no control
  • Constantly seek approval and affirmation
  • Feel that they’re different from other people
  • Are super responsible or super irresponsible
  • Are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved
  • Are impulsive—They tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsively leads to confusion, self-loathing, and loss of control over their environment. In addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess.

Of course, if you’re a child of an alcoholic, etc., that doesn’t mean that everything on this list will apply to you. But it’s likely that at least some of it will.

Quoting from Adult Children of Alcoholics book:

The solution is:

The solution is to become your own loving parent.

This involves finding the right meetings, therapist, safe place to re-learn how to become the person you are meant to be. Find a way to unburden the unexpressed grief you hold, see your family dysfunction for what it was, and keep the focus on the here and now. None of it was your fault but it is your work to heal.

It is not easy to do this work, just start where you are and take as much time as you need. You are worth it.

Healing the Past

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HEALING THE PAST

Until we are willing to go back down into our painful feelings that were buried in childhood, retrieve them, allow them, and somehow encourage their natural release, no amount of yoga, meditation, spiritual quotes or vows to awaken will truly heal us. As a culture, we are so pain-phobic that we will do almost anything, go to any lengths to avoid feeling and dealing with emotional pain. We are not taught how to simply be with our feelings, and how natural they are. We are socialized to be ‘good’ and feelings get in the way of that.

And we have it all wrong. It’s not the pain that might just kill us…it’s the devotion to NOT feeling the pain that harms us the most. The trapped, stuck pain that then gets passed along in unconscious, out-of-our-control ways can destroy relationships, dreams of success, our inner peace, our physical health, and our belief in the goodness of life. Passing along the emotional energy in this unconscious way can become a lifestyle that baffles us, frustrates us, and keeps us in ongoing, painful patterns of interaction which we can’t even claim as our own. In fact, we often feel victimized by these dysfunctional patterns.

There are many ways to approach, acknowledge, and allow our pain feelings from the past. There are many ways to allow the child in us permission to feel, and not be shamed or punished for it. There are many ways to safely let these feelings flow naturally, once and for all, and then be released. There are many ways to be real, to be human, and to stop pretending not to feel.

Some of the richest and most fulfilling work I have done in my thirty-five year career as a healer is to help my clients access their Inner Child, and validate his/her feelings and experience. Connecting with and championing your own inner child is one of the most profoundly healing acts you can engage in, and one that will impact you deeply and positively.

As author Tom Robbins says, “It’s never to late to have a happy childhood.”

Give yourself the gift of inviting your Inner Child out of the closet and into the sunshine where you can be together and s/he can feel loved, understood and protected, as every child should.

~Janice Masters, The Shaman Mama

HEALING THE PAST 

Until we are willing to go back down into our painful feelings that were buried in childhood, retrieve them, allow them, and somehow encourage their natural release, no amount of yoga, meditation, spiritual quotes or vows to awaken will truly heal us. As a culture, we are so pain-phobic that we will do almost anything, go to any lengths to avoid feeling and dealing with emotional pain. We are not taught how to simply be with our feelings, and how natural they are. We are socialized to be 'good' and feelings get in the way of that.

And we have it all wrong. It's not the pain that might just kill us...it's the devotion to NOT feeling the pain that harms us the most. The trapped, stuck pain that then gets passed along in unconscious, out-of-our-control ways can destroy relationships, dreams of success, our inner peace, our physical health, and our belief in the goodness of life. Passing along the emotional energy in this unconscious way can become a lifestyle that baffles us, frustrates us, and keeps us in ongoing, painful patterns of interaction which we can't even claim as our own. In fact, we often feel victimized by these dysfunctional patterns.

There are many ways to approach, acknowledge, and allow our pain feelings from the past. There are many ways to allow the child in us permission to feel, and not be shamed or punished for it. There are many ways to safely let these feelings flow naturally, once and for all, and then be released. There are many ways to be real, to be human, and to stop pretending not to feel.

Some of the richest and most fulfilling work I have done in my thirty-five year career as a healer is to help my clients access their Inner Child, and validate his/her feelings and experience. Connecting with and championing your own inner child is one of the most profoundly healing acts you can engage in, and one that will impact you deeply and positively. 

As author Tom Robbins says, "It's never to late to have a happy childhood." 

Give yourself the gift of inviting your Inner Child out of the closet and into the sunshine where you can be together and s/he can feel loved, understood and protected, as every child should. 

~Janice Masters, The Shaman Mama <3