Category Archives: purelysimplewords

A blog about Life as a DIY project.

May12

Thoughtful Thursdays #126 – To Forgive or Not To Forgive – That Is The Question

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Forgiveness is one of my pet peeves. Frankly I don’t think forgiveness is necessary or possible in many cases. I think it’s stupid to forgive someone who sees no problem with their behavior.

The anger felt can’t be glossed over because feelings are not logical. If you automatically forgive because it’s uncomfortable then you are not holding the offender accountable for their actions.

If the offender recognizes the problem and genuinely apologizes and changes their behavior then repair can begin. Perhaps trust is very broken but the relationship can be saved.

Most of the time there is no acknowledgement from the offender and life goes on as if nothing has happened. What happens then? You need to protect yourself and find a healthy way to deal with the pain and hurt like going to therapy and putting up strong boundaries against the offender.

Focusing on your own life and make your life the best possible for you. That’s the best way to get build back what has been lost by the hurt.

And it’s perfectly OK not to forgive, ever, if you don’t want to.

Here’s and excellent article that aptly explains the process of forgiveness and the article today’s post is based on.

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/childhood-neglect/2016/03/5-reasons-forgiveness-does-not-work/

 

 

Apr21

Thoughtful Thursdays – # 124 Types of Beliefs

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Beliefs are concepts we take as true and never question. Sometimes there is no logical reason to believe it.

There are several types of beliefs.

The belief in your own weakness and shortcomings. I am not good, smart, pretty or rich enough.

Survival beliefs. Let me take and take and give nothing in return without seeing the repercussions.

Creating blocks because we believe others have hurt us, so we cut off the flow of energy to them.

The belief that we are strong and can accomplish, finish or create something.

Core beliefs about ourselves as spiritual beings. We understand ourselves and others.

Check your beliefs. Are they true, do they apply to who you are now? Question why you believe what you believe. Did you learn it from your own experience or absorb it? Do you need to believe the same stuff now?

If you don’t need the belief where you stand now then let it go. There’s so much more to learn if you let go of stuff you don’t need to believe.

 

Mar31

Thoughtful Thursdays #122 – Death

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How sad it is when someone quite young dies. How sorrowful it is when someone in your world dies. How gloomy when death visits and all we can do is watch from a distance. Also knowing that death will visit us too.

How happy it is to remember the good about a person’s life. How joyful it is to celebrate a life that is significant to you. How lucky it is to honor the an important existence.

Let’s make our legacy meaningful for ourselves and others. Let’s know that we are important to all we touch. Let’s be brave and live in the moment because death can be very near without our awareness.

I don’t want to be morbid but it is so very important to make a happy life for yourself. It doesn’t matter what religion, political choice, job or other thing you identify with, because in the end the only thing that matters is the influence you had while you lived.

Be grateful, happy and glad. Realize how fortunate and greatly lucky to have the chance to live. Go now and do things to be remembered for.

Mar3

Thoughtful Thursdays # 120 – When You Were Little You Believed Some False Stuff

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When you were little you learned lots of stuff. How to play and cooperate and dream. However, if you have had a childhood you have had a trauma. What happens when there is neglect and harassment and trauma?

All memories are held in your body. Your mind does not have to recall exact situations but your body will remember. For example, have you ever heard, smelled or tasted something reminiscent of the past? Did it make you sick to your stomach or happy? Those are held memories in your body.

At some point, if situations are too much, your mind may shut down to protect you. Your body will remember seeing your pet killed. Your body will remember verbal abuse. Your body will remember everything that had a negative impact. Your mind will see something similar to the trauma experienced and you will feel it in your body.

Any belief about abuse being normal is never true. The person doing the abuse believes that its OK to abuse. That is a false belief. The child takes on the belief that they deserve to be abused. That is a false belief. These false beliefs become intrinsic as if they are normal and true. Nothing could be further from the truth.

The truth is if your life is less than desirable and you are stuck, examine your beliefs. Look for an experienced trauma therapist. Find it in yourself to learn why you make the choices that you do.

One of the simplest free ways of healing is to listen to mediation videos or music. There’s plenty on youtube.com and with the help of a therapist you will transcend false beliefs and live a much happier life.

 

Feb4

Thoughtful Thursdays #118-Income Tax

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I have just spent the whole day gathering the majority of my information to file income tax. It was grueling and I am still not done.

I procrastinated for one year and I am feeling the pain now. Why did I procrastinate for a year knowing full well that it would be torture to get this work done.

I am sure I am not alone in this. We all procrastinate because of going out of our comfort zone, basic laziness and fear.

I’ve learned my lesson. I’m done procrastinating.

Back to work.

Jan28

Thoughtful Thursdays #117 – Recognizing Resistance

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It’s easy to recognize resistance in someone else. You watch them hem and haw, twitch and bolt, lie and freeze. You don’t understand the problem in them. No matter what you do you can’t show them their resistance.

It’s the same with you. You will resist that which is uncomfortable, threatening and revolting. Your own resistance is based on fear. Your own history makes these fears. This resistance is based on the false belief that you can’t take care of your self. Which is not true. You can handle anything. You are brave, give yourself some credit.

The moment you recognize resistance it is the signal not to hold back. It’s the compass pointing true north. It’s where you need to go.

Recognizing resistance is part of everyone’s journey. It’s a resource and teaching tool that is in everyone. It’s part of how our brains function to show us where we need to go next.

What are you resisting, where’s your next adventure?

Zoom – Zoom

Jan14

Thoughtful Thursdays #115 Three Wishes

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We all know the story of the Geni that granted three wishes. There are many variations on the story and most end up stating some moral good or bad decision. Let’s change it up a bit. You have to pick three items in the wish list. They are your wishes to keep forever or until you are finished with them. Let’s go.

  1. Constant source of income.
  2. Love of your life.
  3. Healthy body.
  4. Read minds.
  5. Be invisible.
  6. Fame.
  7. Know who your enemies are.
  8. Eliminate your enemies.
  9. The power to heal everyone you meet.
  10. Change your life.
  11. Freedom from anything oppressive.
  12. Happiness.
  13. Be a genius.
  14. Help others.
  15. Be a philanthropist.
  16. Embrace your dark side.
  17. Time travel to the past and future.
  18. More wishes.
  19. Breathe underwater.
  20. Do magic.
  21. Super strength.
  22. Control the weather.
  23. Understand all languages.
  24. Immortality.
  25. Peace.
  26. Be a superhero.
  27. Be a really bad, bad guy.
  28. Live alone on an island.

Now pick, Pick only three. They are neither right or wrong. Give your self the gift of imagining you are living your wishes.

They are yours forever or until you are finished with them.

Happy imagining.

 

 

 

 

Jan7

Thoughful Thurdays # 114 – Three Kinds of Laziness

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I have been reading “The Places That Scare You” by Pema Chodron and Chapter Sixteen is about three kinds of laziness.

I will sum each one up.

  1. Comfort Orientation-we use quick fixes in order not to inconvenience ourselves. For example, our car breaks down and we become enraged at the inconvenience.
  2. Loss of Heart-this is hopelessness and have poverty thinking. We drink, smoke, eat, watch TV, etc. The inability to get ourselves moving into breaking free from hopelessness.
  3. Couldn’t Care Less-this is about resentment. We become aggressive and defiant. We are not getting what we deserve. So the hell with everyone. This turns into depression.

There are three futile strategies in dealing with this laziness.

  1. We attack ourselves for being lazy.
  2. We indulge ourselves by self-doubt and inadequacy.
  3. We ignore, space out and go numb. We will do anything not to deal with the lazy behavior.

These ways of behaving lazy and these ineffective strategies have become a habit.

The answer-become curious about what your behavior is. Ask yourself why you are suffering. Experiment with different ways of behaving that will bring happiness rather than suffering. Sit with the feelings and listen to what they are telling you. Explore your own mind. The answers lie there.

Read Pema Chodron’s books or any others on human behavior. You are worth the effort.

Dec31

Thoughful Thursdays #113 The End and The Beginning

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The New Year is a bittersweet reminder of what was left undone and lessons learned.

The New Year is the beginning of new things to learn, expected and unexpected situations.

Happy New Year to everyone. I wish for your endings to be positive and your beginnings to be courageous.

Welcome to 2016.

Dec24

Thoughful Thursdays #112 – That Time of Year

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Wishing you and yours a fantastic and transformative 2016.

May you find the courage to trust your journey

With peace in your heart and wings on your feet,

HAPPY HOLIDAYS.