Category Archives: Opinion

May16

Do It Yourself World

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This is a very DIY (Do It Yourself)world. That’s kind of scary. What do I mean by that. Living and working used to fit into nice, comfy, predictable molds. All you had to do is find where you fit in. A company, a role, a field of interest. But all that has changed. Like it or not life and working has become a DIY project. For example: in today’s world the jobs that provided security are few and difficult to get and are their criteria is ever changing. Life styles are changing so fast that almost anything is acceptable as a new way of co-habitation. Which leads us to find alternate ways of living and working.

But what happens when Doing It Yourself is not clear. There are thousands of books to read and thousands of people who will try to help with their view of any given situation. It’s human nature to find a place to fit in. How about fitting in with a DIY culture. It’s a different and unclear way of finding your way until you have reached a destination just for you.

If you have expressed, in your world, that you want to be an artist, or baker or writer or a doctor or anthropologist or business owner and the reaction you get is negative.

STOP expressing those interests to those who are not willing to support you. FIND those who will support you. MOVE towards what you really want to do. DON’T waste precious time looking for approval from those who have no idea or interest in who you are. That includes family, teachers, bosses, friends or anyone who is clueless about you. Do It Yourself means to Be Yourself Always.

It won’t be easy until you Do Your Own Life. Decide to have your own life and wish well to those who are not on the same path as you. You will end up being an inspiration to the naysayers. You will finally respect yourself and others will respect your for having the courage to create your own life. You will end up making your own kind of security and life style extraordinaire. And be truly happy.

Happy Doing It Yourself and Being Yourself.

May16

Thoughtful Thursdays #16

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Once you decide, really, really decide on what you want synchronicity sets in. Doors will open, opportunities will appear and your decision to decide on what you really want will have become a reality.

Easy to say, easy to understand but so hard to decide. The culprit to deciding is distractions. It’s quite normal to have your attention on what you are doing at any given moment. For example, when driving. If you are not focused on your driving you may have an accident. But what about all those ideas in your head, the things you want to do and say and experience.

Here’s a very simple way of accomplishing those things you want to do and say and experience in three easy steps.

Step 1. Write a list of any and everything you want in any area of your interest. Nothing is off limits. Write everything down. Refer to it frequently.

Step 2. Pick one thing and do it. Just one thing. Do this one thing from start to finish. At this point it’s easy to get carried away categorizing. Resist the urge to do that. Just do one thing in the beginning. As you feel more able to do more then do it. The idea here is to not be overwhelmed by all the stuff you want to do.

Step 3. Give yourself credit for doing just one thing on your list. Check off what you have done and move to the next. At this point you can add more or delete what is not really that important.

Maybe there’s really big stuff you want to do. If it’s seems too much then break it down to steps.

Don’t give up. There will always be distractions and waves of winding paths. But that’s life and its constant changing occurrences. You are in this life to DO, to SAY, to EXPERIENCE.

So Just Do It.

Happy doing.

May6

Speaking the Truth

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Truth can mean different things to different people. In this writing I am referring to my observations of those who have uncertain, unspoken, hidden agendas. Most people do not tell the truth about how they feel or what their real motives are. It is not easy to put yourself out there and speak what you believe is the truth because it is uncomfortable. You may be criticized or rejected or laughed at and not taken seriously, perhaps make you unpopular. First of all you have nothing to prove to anyone. What you believe is the truth for you remains there. Then you can act accordingly. It is easy to slip back into denial or to what is comfortable but the truth will stay obvious until it is expressed. The good thing about truth is it will make any situation transparent. Once the truth is known a shift happens. Right, wrong or indifferent something will change and even though it will seem strange or uncomfortable the change will be for the better.

Truth is a very good quality to have. Trust by its very nature forces you to inquire and find answers. Telling the truth will create a peaceful mind and those that are lucky to know you as someone who speaks the truth will trust you.

I meet many people who I know their words and actions are not in sync. Their words say one thing yet their actions do not match what they say. They do not speak the truth so they cannot be trusted. Why be interested in someone who cannot be trusted.

The bottom line is if you tell the truth to yourself first, you will always be able to trust yourself with no hidden agendas.

Speak the truth.

Apr28

Ending Relationships

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What a touchy subject. Sometimes we end relationships or the other ends relationships. The relationship could be personal or casual or business. Either way its difficult. Emotions are usually raw especially if the ending is unexpected. Actually even if it is remotely expected the end still hurts. I wouldn’t even begin to say ” I know what you are going through because I went through it too” ( I have been through it many times) because reactions are as unique as the individuals involved. But there are some common characteristics in each ending.

Endings are:
Sad, Mad, Angry, Heavy, overwhelming.
A sudden growth spurt in letting go.
About growing up.
A show of strength and character.
Not the end of the world even it may seem so.
Endings are about closure on the stuff you don’t need.
It’s a time out to examine what happened.
About learning detachment.
Take a look at what worked and leave the rest.

I’m sure there may be more but in the end the bad time is guaranteed to pass. It may pass quick or slow. But it will pass. A page in your life will turn. There will be many pages turned because change is part of life. So let time pass, seek out supportive people, read encouraging literature, and do whatever it takes to heal.

Peace

Mar7

Thoughtful Thursdays #14

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Expectations:

I’ve always disagreed with the expression ” Have no expectations of anyone and you won’t be disappointed” because it sounds so strange. It doesn’t make sense. How can you not have expectations of anyone? That expression would mean never expect the bank teller to get your deposit right. Or not expecting to trust a doctor with your health. But I have recently changed my mind because now I understand the expression a little more deeply. This expression means not to have any expectation of a person to be anything but themselves.

For example, let’s say you know someone who is a thief and a liar. You leave this person alone with your purse and your wallet disappears. You ask where your wallet is and this person lies saying that he/she doesn’t know where your wallet is. Here’s where the expectation comes in. You expected this person to be trustworthy when you knew, on some level, that this person is not trustworthy. This is where disappointment comes in. You forgot the true character of this person. This person is a thief and liar. Unless by some miracle this person changes his/her character all actions will remain that of a thief and liar.

Simply put, don’t expect others to be anything other than who they are and you won’t be disappointed.

It’s good to be hopeful that people are basically good and well intentioned because you can expect the the bank teller and doctor will do their best for you. However, some people are not. It takes time to really get to know who you are dealing with. It’s safer to be detached and slowly get to know the other person.

There is no magic formula to protect yourself from those who are untrustworthy. It is risky to trust others. Sometimes we are desperate to trust someone. But using the skills of detachment, objectivity and trusting your gut will help in deciding if someone is trustworthy. And don’t let fear of being taken advantage of stop you from trusting. Most interactions with others are just fine. But the minute you see or feel something is not right, get out of the situation quickly. Trust yourself first and you will ultimately find the truth of anything.

Peace.

Feb18

The Holidays are over.

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As much as I like the holidays I am always glad they are over. Too much work, stress and not enough resting. Now it’s back to a regular routine, work, bills and still no rest.

I am not a goal person. I just do what needs to be done and change what needs to be changed. So in the spirit of the new year it’s time for me to re-evaluate what needs to be changed and then just do it.

Happy New Year

Feb17

Family Albums

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I just read the blog post of “Write Change Grow” about holding on to family portraits and pictures. Here are some of my thoughts on whether one should or should not hold on to those pictures.

I have held on to many pictures. I have a special photo album with a silver metal cover that I keep hidden and inside holds pictures of my family and significant others at various times of my life. When I look at them I become sentimental and recall the good times. Not the bad times. It’s a chance to think fondly of these people who in some way influenced me in either a positive or negative way. The album makes me wish for a better time and not the constant drama of egos. The album is a chance to send good wishes and pure feelings to those who I can’t find the words to express how I feel or of those who are not willing to listen to how I feel. Keeping these pictures is a form of therapy. In my opinion it’s a form of grief therapy. Which is probably why I keep the album hidden. It’s the opportunity to go through the five stages of grief, namely, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

It’s safe way of dropping denial and believing that it wasn’t that bad, yes, it was that bad. Being angry at a safe distance, bargaining with invisible ghosts of those I wish I could speak to or even an unavailable higher power called upon to help but never shows up. Getting depressed about what might have been and all the lost time spent trying and hoping things would work out. It’s a way of feeling better about the disappointments surrounding those relationships. And finally after a long time accepting what is. Not having any more unrealistic hopes and dreams about the present moment. And realizing that relationships turn out the way they are supposed to and if those relationships had continued perhaps it would have been worse. Ultimately the celebration that I am strong and so is everyone else who has such an album whether hidden or on the coffee table.

As crushing or seemingly supportive each relationship was it has taught me that change always happens and with each ending or beginning I grow.

Happy Growing and keep those pictures until you are ready to dump them.

Feb7

It occured to me

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That writing is like ice cream. Some you like. Some you don’t.

Sep26

Wise Words

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“Life is inherently risky. There is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing.” ~Denis Waitley

Aug7

The Human Heart

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The human heart is so easily broken. All it takes is one unjustified surprise to break it. Hearts can destroy just as easy as build. It’s wonder how one heart can even exist in a world of pain.

Sometimes our own fear takes over and it seems nothing is working.

The remedy: Stop the thinking. Detach and be very objective. Get a good nights sleep, get quiet, be very good to yourself and your knowing will kick in. Knowing the next step and the restoration of your peace of mind