Category Archives: All Posts

Jun23

Thoughtful Thursdays – # 128 – Thinking For Yourself

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That’s a hard one. Most of the time we stick with what is easy. We are not even aware that we can choose something different.  So we continue to pick what is easy and not go against what the current society rules.

Thinking for yourself involves the following:

figuring out who you really are

figuring out where you want to spend your precious time

figuring out what to get rid of

and

taking the steps to combine all of the above.

You can live with the way things are or you can change them.

For me taking the steps is the hardest and sticking with it. That’s OK because it takes time to find where you belong.

Happy adventures.

 

Jun9

Thoughtful Thursdays – #127

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The path to self discovery cannot be found in a crowd. A crowd is the opposite of self. Self if just me and a crowd is a group.

If  I am to find my own path I must stand alone, which is uncomfortable. Uncomfortable because there is no crowd to hide in. I will feel groundless because are no guideposts, I will feel unsure because I must make my own decisions. I will feel insecure because I have to inspire myself.

And that is OK. It means you will grow to a well-rounded individual. You will become an inspiration to others. You will be strong enough to stick to your decisions.

Your path is to know who you are in all aspects, your thoughts, words, actions. Your path is in the things you love and the things you hate. Your path is to stand alone and not follow the crowd because the crowd has its own journey. Following the crowd is the easy way out of the uncomfortable work of finding your own path.

It’s OK to bounce from here to there and not really knowing which way is your way.

It’s supposed to be that way. Your job is to look for the signs. If it doesn’t work move away from it. Start of the beginning again. It’s OK. It’s supposed to be that way. Look for your own answers. If something doesn’t fit with you get rid of it.

Once I heard a story about a woman who cut off the end of her ham before she cooked it. Her husband asked why she did that. Her reply was because that was the way her mother always cooked ham. The husband suggested they ask why the mother did this. The mother replied because the ham didn’t fit her roasting pan.

Have you unconsciously absorbed someone elses way of doing things.

What do you want, what do you need to make your life interesting? Whatever it is take the steps to change. It’s well worth it and you don’t need to explain your actions to anyone.

It’s your life. Make the best of it.

May12

Thoughtful Thursdays #126 – To Forgive or Not To Forgive – That Is The Question

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Forgiveness is one of my pet peeves. Frankly I don’t think forgiveness is necessary or possible in many cases. I think it’s stupid to forgive someone who sees no problem with their behavior.

The anger felt can’t be glossed over because feelings are not logical. If you automatically forgive because it’s uncomfortable then you are not holding the offender accountable for their actions.

If the offender recognizes the problem and genuinely apologizes and changes their behavior then repair can begin. Perhaps trust is very broken but the relationship can be saved.

Most of the time there is no acknowledgement from the offender and life goes on as if nothing has happened. What happens then? You need to protect yourself and find a healthy way to deal with the pain and hurt like going to therapy and putting up strong boundaries against the offender.

Focusing on your own life and make your life the best possible for you. That’s the best way to get build back what has been lost by the hurt.

And it’s perfectly OK not to forgive, ever, if you don’t want to.

Here’s and excellent article that aptly explains the process of forgiveness and the article today’s post is based on.

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/childhood-neglect/2016/03/5-reasons-forgiveness-does-not-work/

 

 

Apr28

Thoughtful Thursdays – #125 – Ten Things You May Not Know About Meditation.

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I have benefited from meditation since 2005. The benefits have been profound and permanent. Here I’ll share some of the benefits I have experienced.

  1. It takes just a few meditation sessions to reach a deep peacefulness.
  2. From the peacefulness comes the ability to be detached.
  3. Being detached gives the ability to non reaction.
  4. Meditation does not require any religious belief.
  5. A few minutes a day is all you need to be quiet.
  6. Being in nature has the same effect as a meditation session.
  7. You won’t be hit over the head with enlightenment but you will understand yourself and others better.
  8. You know you are doing it right when you feel relaxed and alert. Not sleepy. If you are sleepy you need sleep.
  9. You get to separate your wandering mind from your intuition.
  10. You can stay in the present moment for longer and longer periods.

Here’s another observation. You can’t stop you mind from thinking. So as you meditate you learn to observe the thoughts and not be dragged down by them. Meditation will boost your creativity and lower stress. Increase focus and better your health.

Meditation is my medicine, I keep it in my life. If you can’t make it to a group that does meditation, there’s plenty of meditation videos on youtube.

Give it a try for three months and you will see the benefits. You will feel better and even better the more you do it.

OM

 

 

Apr21

Thoughtful Thursdays – # 124 Types of Beliefs

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Beliefs are concepts we take as true and never question. Sometimes there is no logical reason to believe it.

There are several types of beliefs.

The belief in your own weakness and shortcomings. I am not good, smart, pretty or rich enough.

Survival beliefs. Let me take and take and give nothing in return without seeing the repercussions.

Creating blocks because we believe others have hurt us, so we cut off the flow of energy to them.

The belief that we are strong and can accomplish, finish or create something.

Core beliefs about ourselves as spiritual beings. We understand ourselves and others.

Check your beliefs. Are they true, do they apply to who you are now? Question why you believe what you believe. Did you learn it from your own experience or absorb it? Do you need to believe the same stuff now?

If you don’t need the belief where you stand now then let it go. There’s so much more to learn if you let go of stuff you don’t need to believe.

 

Mar31

Thoughtful Thursdays #122 – Death

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How sad it is when someone quite young dies. How sorrowful it is when someone in your world dies. How gloomy when death visits and all we can do is watch from a distance. Also knowing that death will visit us too.

How happy it is to remember the good about a person’s life. How joyful it is to celebrate a life that is significant to you. How lucky it is to honor the an important existence.

Let’s make our legacy meaningful for ourselves and others. Let’s know that we are important to all we touch. Let’s be brave and live in the moment because death can be very near without our awareness.

I don’t want to be morbid but it is so very important to make a happy life for yourself. It doesn’t matter what religion, political choice, job or other thing you identify with, because in the end the only thing that matters is the influence you had while you lived.

Be grateful, happy and glad. Realize how fortunate and greatly lucky to have the chance to live. Go now and do things to be remembered for.

Mar17

Thoughtful Thursdays #121- A Real Life Buddhist Perspective On Dealing With Annoying People

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I had lunch with  Dr. Cho and a few of our friends yesterday. Dr. Cho is a devout Buddhist. We have a mutual acquaintance who has acted in hurtful ways to him, myself and others. I am very vocal in my opinion in removing this person from our lives. but Dr. Cho disagrees. He made a point. In Buddhism there are no bad people only those that have lost their way. This person has lost their way. You can bring the hurtful actions to their attention but if they are not willing to see an issue with it you must walk away and not make it any worse. Better to let the person alone and allow karma to come to them.

This person is not violent or a threat of any kind so this view is appropriate.  This person is just so very unaware of their own behavior which is vert  annoying  but their behavior is not in my control.

Buddhism and basic psychology  say the same thing you can only control your response to situations. As far as this person is concerned things will change eventually.

While we wait, we will still go to lunch, be happy and move forward.

 

 

 

Mar3

Thoughtful Thursdays # 120 – When You Were Little You Believed Some False Stuff

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When you were little you learned lots of stuff. How to play and cooperate and dream. However, if you have had a childhood you have had a trauma. What happens when there is neglect and harassment and trauma?

All memories are held in your body. Your mind does not have to recall exact situations but your body will remember. For example, have you ever heard, smelled or tasted something reminiscent of the past? Did it make you sick to your stomach or happy? Those are held memories in your body.

At some point, if situations are too much, your mind may shut down to protect you. Your body will remember seeing your pet killed. Your body will remember verbal abuse. Your body will remember everything that had a negative impact. Your mind will see something similar to the trauma experienced and you will feel it in your body.

Any belief about abuse being normal is never true. The person doing the abuse believes that its OK to abuse. That is a false belief. The child takes on the belief that they deserve to be abused. That is a false belief. These false beliefs become intrinsic as if they are normal and true. Nothing could be further from the truth.

The truth is if your life is less than desirable and you are stuck, examine your beliefs. Look for an experienced trauma therapist. Find it in yourself to learn why you make the choices that you do.

One of the simplest free ways of healing is to listen to mediation videos or music. There’s plenty on youtube.com and with the help of a therapist you will transcend false beliefs and live a much happier life.

 

Feb25

Thoughtful Thursdays – # 119 – Taking Inventory

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Benjamin Franklin did it. All 12 Step programs do it. You do it in therapy. When something rattles your life you do it.

Take inventory.

Painful yet tremendously healing.

Taking inventory is not punishment or to shame or hurt you. Taking inventory is to step back from situations and see why you react and behave in certain ways that are less than desirable. What do you feel? Is the feeling reminiscent of the past? Do you need to continue reacting or can you stop and walk away or just be present in the moment.

What behaviors have I learned that no longer serve my higher purpose? What can I change about me that will move me to a higher level? How can I remove any toxic reactions from my behavior?

Taking inventory removes mind blindness and makes you more mindful and present. Taking inventory invites you to be you. A healthy, productive, kind and individual person you are meant to be. Put up boundaries, create movement, learn new things, don’t stagnate.

BE THE PERSON YOU ARE MEANT TO BE. You are not meant to be a clone or shadow to anyone or anything. You are meant to be you.

So take inventory. Do it often and stay open to your inner guide. And be you.

 

Jan28

Thoughtful Thursdays #117 – Recognizing Resistance

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It’s easy to recognize resistance in someone else. You watch them hem and haw, twitch and bolt, lie and freeze. You don’t understand the problem in them. No matter what you do you can’t show them their resistance.

It’s the same with you. You will resist that which is uncomfortable, threatening and revolting. Your own resistance is based on fear. Your own history makes these fears. This resistance is based on the false belief that you can’t take care of your self. Which is not true. You can handle anything. You are brave, give yourself some credit.

The moment you recognize resistance it is the signal not to hold back. It’s the compass pointing true north. It’s where you need to go.

Recognizing resistance is part of everyone’s journey. It’s a resource and teaching tool that is in everyone. It’s part of how our brains function to show us where we need to go next.

What are you resisting, where’s your next adventure?

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