Tag Archives: Reflections

Apr14

Thoughtful Thursdays #123 – Can and Will

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What is the difference between can and will.

Can implies the ability to do something in the present tense. Will implies an action in the future tense.

I can do work effectively. I will do work effectively. See the difference? Which brings to mind ……………

What (ability) can I do now that (make something happen) will help my situation be better. You fill in the blanks of what you want to be better.

Just try one thing, not a complete over haul. The idea is to bring your future tense (will) into the present tense (can). The end result will be freedom. The freedom to have a life you created. You can do it.

Carry on.

 

Mar17

Thoughtful Thursdays #121- A Real Life Buddhist Perspective On Dealing With Annoying People

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I had lunch with  Dr. Cho and a few of our friends yesterday. Dr. Cho is a devout Buddhist. We have a mutual acquaintance who has acted in hurtful ways to him, myself and others. I am very vocal in my opinion in removing this person from our lives. but Dr. Cho disagrees. He made a point. In Buddhism there are no bad people only those that have lost their way. This person has lost their way. You can bring the hurtful actions to their attention but if they are not willing to see an issue with it you must walk away and not make it any worse. Better to let the person alone and allow karma to come to them.

This person is not violent or a threat of any kind so this view is appropriate.  This person is just so very unaware of their own behavior which is vert  annoying  but their behavior is not in my control.

Buddhism and basic psychology  say the same thing you can only control your response to situations. As far as this person is concerned things will change eventually.

While we wait, we will still go to lunch, be happy and move forward.

 

 

 

Mar3

Thoughtful Thursdays # 120 – When You Were Little You Believed Some False Stuff

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When you were little you learned lots of stuff. How to play and cooperate and dream. However, if you have had a childhood you have had a trauma. What happens when there is neglect and harassment and trauma?

All memories are held in your body. Your mind does not have to recall exact situations but your body will remember. For example, have you ever heard, smelled or tasted something reminiscent of the past? Did it make you sick to your stomach or happy? Those are held memories in your body.

At some point, if situations are too much, your mind may shut down to protect you. Your body will remember seeing your pet killed. Your body will remember verbal abuse. Your body will remember everything that had a negative impact. Your mind will see something similar to the trauma experienced and you will feel it in your body.

Any belief about abuse being normal is never true. The person doing the abuse believes that its OK to abuse. That is a false belief. The child takes on the belief that they deserve to be abused. That is a false belief. These false beliefs become intrinsic as if they are normal and true. Nothing could be further from the truth.

The truth is if your life is less than desirable and you are stuck, examine your beliefs. Look for an experienced trauma therapist. Find it in yourself to learn why you make the choices that you do.

One of the simplest free ways of healing is to listen to mediation videos or music. There’s plenty on youtube.com and with the help of a therapist you will transcend false beliefs and live a much happier life.

 

Feb25

Thoughtful Thursdays – # 119 – Taking Inventory

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Benjamin Franklin did it. All 12 Step programs do it. You do it in therapy. When something rattles your life you do it.

Take inventory.

Painful yet tremendously healing.

Taking inventory is not punishment or to shame or hurt you. Taking inventory is to step back from situations and see why you react and behave in certain ways that are less than desirable. What do you feel? Is the feeling reminiscent of the past? Do you need to continue reacting or can you stop and walk away or just be present in the moment.

What behaviors have I learned that no longer serve my higher purpose? What can I change about me that will move me to a higher level? How can I remove any toxic reactions from my behavior?

Taking inventory removes mind blindness and makes you more mindful and present. Taking inventory invites you to be you. A healthy, productive, kind and individual person you are meant to be. Put up boundaries, create movement, learn new things, don’t stagnate.

BE THE PERSON YOU ARE MEANT TO BE. You are not meant to be a clone or shadow to anyone or anything. You are meant to be you.

So take inventory. Do it often and stay open to your inner guide. And be you.

 

Feb4

Thoughtful Thursdays #118-Income Tax

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I have just spent the whole day gathering the majority of my information to file income tax. It was grueling and I am still not done.

I procrastinated for one year and I am feeling the pain now. Why did I procrastinate for a year knowing full well that it would be torture to get this work done.

I am sure I am not alone in this. We all procrastinate because of going out of our comfort zone, basic laziness and fear.

I’ve learned my lesson. I’m done procrastinating.

Back to work.

Jan28

Thoughtful Thursdays #117 – Recognizing Resistance

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It’s easy to recognize resistance in someone else. You watch them hem and haw, twitch and bolt, lie and freeze. You don’t understand the problem in them. No matter what you do you can’t show them their resistance.

It’s the same with you. You will resist that which is uncomfortable, threatening and revolting. Your own resistance is based on fear. Your own history makes these fears. This resistance is based on the false belief that you can’t take care of your self. Which is not true. You can handle anything. You are brave, give yourself some credit.

The moment you recognize resistance it is the signal not to hold back. It’s the compass pointing true north. It’s where you need to go.

Recognizing resistance is part of everyone’s journey. It’s a resource and teaching tool that is in everyone. It’s part of how our brains function to show us where we need to go next.

What are you resisting, where’s your next adventure?

Zoom – Zoom

Jan21

Thoughtful Thursdays #116 Now Is The Time

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Now is the time to stop scaring yourself.

Now is the time to put an end to any kind of abuse.

Now is the time to finish old things that are not working.

Now is the time to celebrate who you are.

Now is the time to choose your own happiness.

Now is the time to change your life to the way you want it.

You got this.

Jan14

Thoughtful Thursdays #115 Three Wishes

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We all know the story of the Geni that granted three wishes. There are many variations on the story and most end up stating some moral good or bad decision. Let’s change it up a bit. You have to pick three items in the wish list. They are your wishes to keep forever or until you are finished with them. Let’s go.

  1. Constant source of income.
  2. Love of your life.
  3. Healthy body.
  4. Read minds.
  5. Be invisible.
  6. Fame.
  7. Know who your enemies are.
  8. Eliminate your enemies.
  9. The power to heal everyone you meet.
  10. Change your life.
  11. Freedom from anything oppressive.
  12. Happiness.
  13. Be a genius.
  14. Help others.
  15. Be a philanthropist.
  16. Embrace your dark side.
  17. Time travel to the past and future.
  18. More wishes.
  19. Breathe underwater.
  20. Do magic.
  21. Super strength.
  22. Control the weather.
  23. Understand all languages.
  24. Immortality.
  25. Peace.
  26. Be a superhero.
  27. Be a really bad, bad guy.
  28. Live alone on an island.

Now pick, Pick only three. They are neither right or wrong. Give your self the gift of imagining you are living your wishes.

They are yours forever or until you are finished with them.

Happy imagining.

 

 

 

 

Jan7

Thoughful Thurdays # 114 – Three Kinds of Laziness

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I have been reading “The Places That Scare You” by Pema Chodron and Chapter Sixteen is about three kinds of laziness.

I will sum each one up.

  1. Comfort Orientation-we use quick fixes in order not to inconvenience ourselves. For example, our car breaks down and we become enraged at the inconvenience.
  2. Loss of Heart-this is hopelessness and have poverty thinking. We drink, smoke, eat, watch TV, etc. The inability to get ourselves moving into breaking free from hopelessness.
  3. Couldn’t Care Less-this is about resentment. We become aggressive and defiant. We are not getting what we deserve. So the hell with everyone. This turns into depression.

There are three futile strategies in dealing with this laziness.

  1. We attack ourselves for being lazy.
  2. We indulge ourselves by self-doubt and inadequacy.
  3. We ignore, space out and go numb. We will do anything not to deal with the lazy behavior.

These ways of behaving lazy and these ineffective strategies have become a habit.

The answer-become curious about what your behavior is. Ask yourself why you are suffering. Experiment with different ways of behaving that will bring happiness rather than suffering. Sit with the feelings and listen to what they are telling you. Explore your own mind. The answers lie there.

Read Pema Chodron’s books or any others on human behavior. You are worth the effort.

Dec10

Thoughtful Thursdays #110 Spiritual Inventory

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There are people in this world who are genuine enough to pay attention to their own behavior. Those who are aware that how their words, actions and thoughts have an impact on those they interact with.

Here is a small list to read at the end of the day to see if you want to change or develop some of your behavior. Pick no more than two or three at a time.

Was I free from anger and judgement?

Did I give anyone sorrow or take any sorrow?

How much negative thinking was I wrapped up in?

Was I stable or unstable.

What did I bring into my interactions today? Was I positive?

Did I respect everyone regardless of name and fame?

Did I take a moment here and there to reflect on what I was thinking.

You can add more suggestions to the list. You can make a chart to fill out at the end of the day. Either way your behavior is so much more dynamic than you realize.

So be positive and joyful.