Daily Archives: June 21, 2015

Memories of an Absentee Father


The Nephilim Rising™

Daniel Murtaugh

Image: Daniel Murtaugh

“It’s so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone.”

John Steinbeck

Father’s Day has always been hard for me, and I don’t know why I thought this year was going to be different, maybe it was wishful thinking that it would be easier, that suddenly the pain of a “presently absent” Father would heal itself; I was naively, foolishly wrong. This year isn’t any different than it has been for the, almost, 31 years of my life. My Father is a topic that is still an open, gushing wound. I have been through therapy, I have talked to him, I have forgave him, I have battled the inner demons that were left behind because of this man, but still, he, or the idea of him, haunt me, relentlessly.

This is not some woes me post, I am…

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I don’t find it hard to hear my inner voice. I find it hard to follow its advice.

If I don’t listen then events go from mild irritation to full-blown chaos.

I can count many times there was chaos and for a very long time.

It is easier to ignore that inner voice than to follow its advice because I don’t want to make effort. Effort involves a commitment to action which leads to change. Change is scary and hard to do because of the uncertainty involved.

I find that when I do have the courage or stamina to follow its advice I win every time.

I guess practice makes perfect.

Happy listening.